Flickers

Chapter 14

Though I cry over a dozen times a day, though I fuss like a child
Though I calm myself by stroking my hair, I know you won't be coming back

- Teardrops on the morning, IU

It was the sixth of January, just one more day and it'll be the first week of the year 2017. Next month is my birth month, about to become a young lady, I'm supposed to dance with him for my debut.

(AN: Debut is a traditional Filipino coming-of-age celebration that celebrates a young woman's 18th birthday, the age of maturity in the Philippines)

Supposed.

It came out of nowhere, we were just hanging out together and reminiscing his childhood, and all of a sudden his hand went into his chest as he gasps for breath.

We ran, we called for help, he got into the hospital and then he was gone.

He was gone just like that.

I never knew that time could be this viciously fast, then I hated the hospital for never making it in time, hated my incompetent self, and hated that my father didn't live.

Why didn't he live?

"Ange here's some bread, you need to cushion your stomach with this" Irish handed me the bread but my hand was limp as if I couldn't move in place.

It's been five days since my father's death, five days of mourning and grieving, five days without his existence in our life. I never cried though I did secretly in my room, I don't want to add the burden to my mother.

My mother, oh, she's sad. She's devastated. She lost her husband, her best friend, and the father of her children. We lost him so fast, he was like the wind at that time, I couldn't catch up with him.

"I'm fine" I murmured, my voice hoarse and raw from crying. My friends stayed here with me as they gave me their support, I never did look in their eyes in fear of seeing their sympathy and sadness since it will only cement the fact that he's dead.

That he's truly never gonna come back.

"Here's some water for you" Eric was also here, he was informed by Meryl and came here even though his home was an hour and a half away from here.

I took the cup of warm water from him and moist my throat, my eyes glisten with water once more when I saw my mother being surrounded by her siblings, her face pallid and ghastly pale. She looks like she died, which was true, another part of her died just like mine.

People came into our house, each offering condolences and giving support. They were friends of my father, some were his coworkers from his construction work in the past, the others were just there along with the people who knew him.

That's it, they just knew him as a brother, a friend but they will never know him as a father. They'll never know the way his eyes lit up as he drank, the way his laughter goes, and how he held me in his palm like the Princess I am as he told me.

And the fact that I'll never be able to see him again makes me feel shortness of air as I stood up and ran.

Ran from the pain.

Ran from my father's cold body.

I ran and I sobbed.

I knew someone followed me, its steps hesitant as it stays there standing, waiting for the wrecking ball of sadness to evaporate into the wind.

At that time, I felt my loneliness lessen, looking up I saw the bright dark eyes of Eric. He was looking down at me with clear, bright eyes. He smiled as he held my hand tightly against his, he never did show me any pity and I was glad for that.

At that time, I knew I have to pick up the broken pieces in me knowing that I'll never be whole again and knowing that someone will still accept me for the broken girl I am.

***
Chapter 14 is up!

May you rest in peace.

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