Flickers

Chapter 30

Alone I cry with a jump in separation, the unpleasant truth
I want to love you and always

- You know, IU

They say when you're wearing rose-tinted glasses, red flags just look like regular flags to you. I say the moment you fell in love, you lose some part of yourself and gave it to that person you love, ultimately getting ahold of both your weakness and strength.

It was just so easy to pretend that nothing's wrong with your relationship, that everything you dreamt of has been fulfilled and all the fantasies that you have should be fed to you by that person you love.

You sometimes forget that humans make mistakes, that humans are not perfect like what two-dimensional characters you read from a book nor they are like that actress and actors that read off lines from a script and acted out in a movie.

Right now I faced the thorn in my heart, it's as if no matter how much I tried to brush it under the rug and tell to myself countless times how her presence doesn't affect me fell into vain.

"Are you being courted by that guy?" His expression was hard, his brows furrowed, and his lips in a thin line as he looked at me with accusing eyes.

It stung me.

"I- I'm not, I didn't know about it- I... I'm sorry" Guilt gnawed on me and I could feel my chest tightening, my scalp tingling from his cold stare.

"You better be, he's not good"

I knew he wasn't, to be in a relationship and still be in love with another girl was just something bad to even think about.

It's like your cheating yourself that you like someone even though in your heart you know you don't.

"He's not good" he repeated himself as if knowing that I'm just like his foolish cousin that will get hurt by the same guy.

He then left after saying those words meanwhile it struck me so hard I could feel myself getting breathless.

But it was like a wind that passed from my ears, something that I had buried at the end of my mind as I tried to compose myself.

That guy was Eric's ex's cousin, he was always looking at me, and when I had the chance to ask him who he is he told me his name and association with Eric's ex.

He was angry. It was valid, his cousin got her heart broken by Eric and he now learned that it was because he couldn't love her since he has someone in his heart.

He wasn't blaming me, he was just trying to let me know how foolish and wrong Eric was to do that. But I was foolish, I easily forget his words and treated them like air because I was stupid and in love.

I had a sick satisfaction after knowing that he chose me over her but then felt ridiculous for feeling that since he chose her first.

"Who was that?" Meryl came to me, we finished practicing,g and is about to leave for the hole when I told her I have someone to talk to.

"Just someone that kept on looking at me, he said I look like his sister that's why he keeps on looking" she nodded in understanding and we were off to go.

I didn't know what made me lie to her, I didn't know what came to me and lead me to erase that particular memory from my brain but I did. I just know that my chest is heavier by the secret that continuously added to me.

***
Chapter 30 is up!

Fun fact: Yep, he is the cousin of Eric's ex from before and told her those words.

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