Flickers

Chapter 27

The teardrop that you held back
Is flowing here
At a loss of words, my mind calms
I can hear your voice like a memory

- Love Poem, IU

Night descended from a day in just a flicker of time, it caught me off guard that I still couldn't quite fathom how I'll be able to move in a space where he was there, the source of my annoyance and awkwardness.

It was like ants were crawling into me every time I step near his area, I couldn't look at him for five more seconds and I find myself stiffly listening to the lecture without even understanding half of it.

It was by far the most awkward moment of my life, nothing could top this and I hate how much I am affected by him even though I shouldn't be.

"I've already told him" Meryl whispered in my ear as she sat next to me after our teacher left for a meeting. We have an early dismissal since the teachers are having a meeting at the school's court today which means I would meet him sooner.

Ugh.

"Thanks, just tell our friends to wait for me okay?" She nodded then whips out her phone from her pockets before she typed in what I requested.

"Done!"

I gave her a small smile, we were standing near the gymnasium under the shade of the roof. It's been almost half an hour before I decided to come here, there wasn't much student in this space that's why I decided to talk in this place. I happen to see my shadow as I shifted my weight from side to side, the awkwardness was clear from my sight.

"He should be the one to be nervous", Meryl told me as if it would alleviate the anxiety in my tense self.

I shrugged in response, I can't help it, I haven't really talked to him since he shouted my name a few weeks ago.

It was like revisiting your extremely painful and embarrassing memory combined, it was like stripping off your band-aid to your wound and pouring alcohol on it.

"He's here!" Meryl half-whisper half-shout at me, I look at where her head was in position and saw Eric coming down the stairs and walking in our direction.

At that time I could feel my heart pumping rapidly in my ribcage, my hand sweats and I couldn't help but avoid eye contact.

"Sorry for being late I was the duty for cleaning" in the corner of my eyes I could see him looking at me while scratching the back of his head, a clear indication of what he's feeling.

"It's fine" Meryl replied and continued. "I'll be leaving the two of you to talk" she then steps back and I bore longing gazes at her back, wishing I could run away with her too.

It was only the two of us and when I turn my head back, he was startled and look down to his feet.

Ugh, this is too awkward! I could feel the tension, so clear I could cut it with a knife. If I wasn't feeling so bothered I would've laughed at him.

"So-"

"I-"

We both started to talk but decided to do it together, awkwardness has again descended and we plunged into another bout of silence before he broke it off.

"I'm sorry"

My eyes stared right back at him, trying to see the lie and promises that were broken that same day. I clench my fist when he let me stare at him, willing to let his vulnerability show.

I just wanted to laugh, hard.

It was so easy for him to utter those words, sorry, was he really? If it was so easy to say those words why didn't he said it earlier? If saying sorry can solve everything then why is it still not enough for everyone?

I glared back at him, his face softens, and regret filled his eyes but I didn't care. I just told him everything that I bottle up in the past months.

"Sorry won't solve anything you know? You're too much, you know that? Giving me promises, telling me that I'm the prettiest girl you've to see,n and confessing how much you like me, heh! Did you tell her that stuff as well? Did you do things that you also did with me to her? You broke her heart the same way you did mine but lucky her, she had closure but for me? You didn't even give me one"

My tone was venomous, bitter to the point that I could feel myself tearing up. I wasn't like this but I was just too unfair. Why did he make me fall for him if he would let me down? Why love me at this time and then the next you don't?

"I'm sorry I- I was confused. I couldn't wait for you... It was wrong of me, so, so wrong of me and I'll never forgive myself for doing that to you. I realize that I still like you when I was in a new relationship, believe me, it was still you I- just.... I'm sorry"

He was crestfallen, everything he's experiencing is what he deserves, what he planted and is now reaping.

"She was just so easy to get... I got lost in my pride and I hated that part of me. I hated that I hurt you as well as she and I were so guilty that I couldn't let myself see you again or I'll crumble" he slumped down at the cement. "I told myself that this is what I should I... I accepted a new relationship and she... she begins to become my responsibility and it wasn't a relationship anymore. I wanted to tell myself that I like her, that she's my girlfriend but it was still you all along"

"So you want me back after getting rid of your responsibility then?" I spat.

"No!" He was quick to his feet and about to hold my hand but I step back and avoided him. His expression fell but he recovered himself. "No, it wasn't what I have in mind. I- Can I still be your friend- even just your classmate just... just even some tiny part of your world, I'm already fine with it"

Even amidst the pain that he brought upon his existence, I was a fool in love. I agreed, something that I'm not sure of in my future whether it would be a good thing or not.

***
Chapter 27 is up!

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