i know i love you | hueningkaixreader

forty.

Kai drove me back to my place that afternoon. The entire time we were both silent and probably thinking about the same thing.

"Kai," I muttered when he finished parking. "I think we need to talk about... everything."

He nodded, his eyes glued to the steering wheel.

"As much as I don't wanna say this..." I paused. I knew what I was going to say next was going to hurt us both. "...I think we should stop seeing each other. At least until Taehyun is released from the hospital."

Kai looked at me with a pained expression. "Y/N..." His eyes were watering.

"It's the most we can do for now." I brought my hand to the side of Kai's face, just in time for a tear to fall on my finger.

Kai closed his eyes and leaned into my touch. "Three weeks," he muttered.

"What?"

"Until he gets released."

Neither of us said anything for a while. We both knew what that meant. And we were both dreading it.

"I leave in three weeks," I said quietly.

I felt another tear fall onto my finger. Kai's hand traveled on top of mine and he held it there as he cried silently.

"Kai, please look at me."

His watery eyes found mine. Seeing him like this caused a wave of guilt to course through me.

"As much as I want to keep spending time with you... We both know that this isn't and was never right." It took all the courage I could muster to say words I didn't want to believe.

"It's all my fault," Kai finally said. "It's all because of me that you and I are in this mess."

I shook my head. "No. It's not just your fault..." I brought another hand to his face and caressed his cheeks.

I'd been waiting for the right moment to tell him. I'd imagined that it would be at the stream we always went to, just as the sun was setting. The biggest smile would've formed on his face after hearing the words I knew he'd wanted to hear for the longest time. And I'd finally felt relieved after keeping those words to myself.

I didn't think I would be saying it to him like this.

"It's not just your fault, because... I love you." I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. "So I'm to blame as much as you are. Because I really, really love you, Kai."