i know i love you | hueningkaixreader

forty six.

"How's everything back at the dorm?"

Soobin and I sat down on a bench overlooking the Han River. We each had an ice cream cone in our hand. He'd gone for ube, I went for pistachio.

"Oh you know, the usual. Beom and Jun bickering over nothing, me baking, and Kai... He's been in and out of the dorm a lot," Soobin said. He clicked his tongue. "He's been super quiet too."

"It's probably because of me."

Soobin looked over at me and put a hand on my shoulder. "Is everything alright?"

I scoffed. "I feel like I should be the one asking you that. After you know... that morning."

"Oh." Soobin licked his ice cream. "I mean... Sure, it was a little shocking at first but... To be honest, I kind of expected it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I've been watching you two."

"Soobin, out of context, that would've sounded shady," I chuckled lightly.

"It seems I say a lot of things that when taken out of context make me sound weird." He smiled and shook his head. "But no, what I mean is that I slowly came to realize you two really care about each other."

When I didn't say anything back, he continued. "I always knew that Kai was drawn to you in a way... even while you were dating Taehyun. He was actually really obvious about it."

"He was?"

"Probably not to you, but definitely to us."

My eyes widened. "Even to Taehyun?"

"I don't think he realized it. But yes, sometimes even while Taehyun was there." Soobin looked concerned upon seeing my reaction. "I think you're the first person he's ever truly felt anything for... It's probably why the poor boy could barely hide it."

My thoughts immediately went to Taehyun. He's too observant and smart not to have noticed. Which meant all this time, he must've had the same feeling as Soobin. He must've known about Kai's feelings for me.

"I feel so bad for Taehyun," I muttered. "He must've picked up on it too, right?"

Soobin nodded. "Knowing him, probably... But he never said anything to any of us."

"I wish he'd said something to me... or Kai."

"Taehyun is competitive, yes. But when it comes to matters of the heart..." Soobin sighed. "I guess the reason he decided not to confront Kai is because he didn't want anything to come between their friendship."

"I'm sure he was angry at Kai though."

"No, he loves Kai too much to ever really hate him."

I thought about how he'd reacted when I told him everything. He was much calmer than I'd expected, though it was clear he was sad. But not once did he say anything against Kai. Not once did he show that he felt betrayed.

He was too good of a friend.

And definitely too good for me.

"Look, Y/N..." Soobin began shakily. "I'm not here to judge you and I never will... But I just want to know... Why?"

Even though his question was just a word, I knew exactly what he was asking me.

"Because Kai was there for me when I needed someone the most," I answered. "And he made me feel things no one has ever made me feel... Not even Taehyun."

Soobin took in what I said in silence. We both looked out at the water, watching as a few boats sailed by and as the sky turned red-orange in the background.

"What are you going to do now?" Soobin asked.

"To be honest, I have no idea." I ate the last bit of my ice cream cone. "I already told Taehyun everything, and... Kai and I decided to stop seeing each other before things get worse."

"So that's it? After all of this you're just going to ignore Kai?"

I nodded reluctantly. "It's what I have to do. Besides, I'm leaving in a few days."

"Oh, right..."

"I just want him to be able to love without feeling guilty about it... and I want the same for myself." A tear ran down my cheek. "So even if it's not with him..."

Soobin put an arm around my shoulders. "Y/N, do you know how they say 'right person, wrong time?'"

"Y-yes."

"Well maybe that's what Kai was. The perfect person for you who couldn't have come at a worse time. And that's okay."

I sobbed as Soobin pulled me to him in a warm embrace. "I wish it didn't have to be that way," I cried.

He gently patted my head. "Sometimes bad things just happen to the best people," he whispered. "But you know what?"

"W-What?"

"If this has taught you anything, it's that it is a privilege to love and be loved. And even if it may not be with Kai, at least you have something to look forward to, right?"

I wanted to agree with him, but I couldn't.

I don't think I could ever love anyone the way I love Kai.