i know i love you | hueningkaixreader

forty seven.

(kai's POV)

I originally hadn't planned to be here but alas, I was sitting at the foot of Taehyun's bed waiting for him to wake up. I'd just come from a morning walk at the stream, and something told me I needed to speak with my best friend.

If I still could even call him that.

"Taehyun?" I whispered as his eyes opened. I pulled up a chair next to his bed so that I could see him better. "It's me, Kai."

He smiled. "Hey there, Kai. It's good to see you." He sounded like he'd only gotten two hours of sleep.

"How are you?"

"Not bad... but not great." The lump of guilt that had formed in my stomach grew larger. "How's everything back at the dorm?"

"Well you know... the boys are as crazy as ever."

He laughed weakly. "And how's Y/N?"

This was the question I was dreading the most. I couldn't just tell him she was fine, because she obviously wasn't. Neither of us were. I couldn't lie to him and I wouldn't let myself.

"Taehyun, there's something you need to know—"

"Kai... I already know everything."

My mouth flew open. "W-What? Are you sure we're talking about the same thing—"

"Yes." He shifted in his bed. "Y/N visited me two weeks ago and she told me... everything that's happened between you two ever since my accident."

I gulped. "Taehyun, I am so sorry. I promise I didn't mean for any of it to happen, and I want you to know that it was all my fault—"

"It's fine," he said quietly.

We were both silent for a few seconds before he spoke again. "You know, she said the same thing. That it was all her fault."

"She did?"

Taehyun nodded. "She told me not to put any of the blame on you and now you're telling me the exact opposite, but... I never even thought to blame either of you."

That he was handling this so well surprised me. It was as if he had expected this to happen.

"You should blame me though," I said. "I did and said things out of turn and if I just had kept it all to myself—"

"Kai, it wouldn't have been fair to you," Taehyun said. "I mean, if you were to keep everything to yourself. And honestly... it wouldn't have been fair to her either."

"W-What? Why?"

"Because she deserves someone like you."

I almost let myself cry hearing him say that. All this time, I'd thought that I was the last person to deserve her. That Taehyun was a way better fit than I was. He was kind, caring, thoughtful, insanely smart, receptive... Y/N and Taehyun fit like two puzzle pieces. Like lock and key. At least that's what it seemed like.

"But I don't deserve her," I muttered. "You do."

Taehyun shook his head. "She's too good for me. But you compliment her so well. And..." He paused. It looked like he was on the verge of tears as well. "It's clear she really loves you."

"But she loves you too... She loved you first..."

"It's not the same." Taehyun sighed shakily. "When she spoke to me it was obvious she only had your best interest in mind. She defended you. Even if it hurt her."

Of course she would defend me. Of course she would force all the blame on herself. Because that was who she was. Selfless and genuinely kind. I closed my eyes, thinking about all the pain she must be in right now. I wish I could run to her and apologize and tell her how much I love her...

But it was too late. She'd already made up her mind.

"What are you gonna do now, Kai?"

"Taehyun, I wish I knew."

"Go to Y/N. Don't worry about me. Worry about her."

"But Taehyun—"

"If you won't do it for yourself, then... At least do it for me. Go to Y/N for me."

A single tear ran down my cheek. "What did I do to deserve you, Tae?"

Taehyun chuckled softly. "Just go. It's okay."

"Oh, Tae..." I threw my arms around him. After worrying so much about how I would tell him the truth, it was a huge relief to be able to embrace him like this. To be able to hear him say it was okay.

"Now go talk to her before I change my mind!"

I let out a laugh of relief. "I will."