i know i love you | hueningkaixreader

forty two.

"God, I wish you hadn't said that." Kai looked like he wanted to cry.

"W-What?"

"You're making it so hard for me to leave," he muttered. "You're making it so hard for me not to kiss you right now."

My heart was racing. I wanted to kiss him too. I wanted to show him how much he mattered to me.

"So then do it."

Before I could even curse myself for saying those words, Kai's lips collided with mine. We kissed like we were running out of time. And we were. Something about the kiss felt like it would be my last one with him. So I savored it.

He didn't hold back either. His arms wrapped around my waist so tightly that it almost hurt. But I didn't protest. I wanted to feel the pain so that I could replay this moment over and over.

Kai pulled back. "Can we... go inside?"

I knew that if we went inside, there was a chance this would go somewhere we would both regret.

But at this point, it was too late anyway.

I'd barely opened the door when Kai lifted me up and brought his lips to mine in an aggressive kiss. Without breaking it, he carried me up the stairs to my room.

I would be lying if I said my heart wasn't about to leap out of my chest.

Kai laid me down on my bed. "I love you, Y/N."

"I love you t—"

Kai's lips crashed back down on mine. His hands snuck under my shirt and up my sides. The feeling sent tingles through my body. I felt his lips travel to my jawline, then my collarbone, then my neck. I sighed as his kisses became harder, almost painful. But again, I invited the pain.

As if they had a mind of their own, my hands began to lift Kai's shirt over his head. He froze for a second, but helped me take it off.

I paused to take in the beauty of his body. His athletic build. His honey skin.

He was perfect.

I wanted so much to just admire him like this, without feeling any guilt.

But his eyes told me that while he too wanted to keep going, to keep giving in to his longing...

This was way too wrong.

He looked unsure. Almost scared.

I knew I was.

"Kai... I don't think we should—"

"I know." He collapsed beside me and stared at the ceiling. "I'm sorry I got too carried away—"

"No, I'm sorry." I looked at him. "I think I'm the one who got carried away."

A long and torturous silence grew between us as we lied there, reflecting. Every time I wanted to say something it seemed like he did too, so I would close my mouth. But then he would stay silent too and the cycle kept repeating.

Finally, I stood up. "I'll be right back."

I walked to my bathroom and locked it. Then I stared at myself in the mirror. The marks on my neck and collarbone were faint, but visible. I brushed a finger over the fresh bruises and I winced at the slight pain.

I didn't think he had it in him.

I ran the water cold, dampened a paper towel, and pressed it against my neck to ease the pain.

When I got back to my room, Kai was putting his shirt back on. He saw me walk in with the paper towel still pressed against my neck, and a worried look formed on his face.

"Did I hurt you?" He walked up to me and gently lifted the paper towel. "Oh... You can just... cover it with makeup, right?"

I nodded. Then I looked him in the eye. I didn't want to say my next sentence, but I knew I needed to.

"Kai, this doesn't change anything I said back in your car."

"What do you mean?"

I bit my lower lip. "I mean... We should go separate ways... For now."

This time, Kai didn't argue. He didn't burst into outrage. He only looked down and nodded in acceptance. I brought my hand to the side of his face and he kept it there with his own.

"But this also doesn't change how I feel about you," I whispered.

He nodded again. I felt a tear fall from his eye and onto my finger.

"Kai, no matter what happens... No matter where these next three weeks take us... I do know one thing."

I brought my lips to his in one last, gentle kiss.

"I know I love you."