Songs of The Soul (Huntbastian)

Thinking Out Loud

Hunter's POV

It's been a few months since my dad passed away and even though the pain of losing him has gotten easier, it still lingers in the back of my mind and my heart. It feels like I've only just started to get to know him once he left. It's kind of like getting into a band and you love their songs and everything, but then you find out they disbanded years ago and you regret not being a fan while they were still around.

Sebastian has been there for me when I'm at my lows and I never realized how much he means to me till now. Like of course I love him and have for years, but I just feel......different. A good different. Every time I look at him or we talk or just lie in bed staring at each other, it's like I'm finally able to connect to him at a deeper level. Maybe it's because we've both been through the pain of losing a parent, as grief can affect a person very deeply. I never knew how much it would affect me, never thought I'd spent countless nights crying myself to sleep or thinking back to times me and my dad had a good moment together. I've read his letter probably at least 20 times by now, maybe thinking I'll discover something new between the lines or something. 

Sebastian really has been my rock and I can't help but think back to the conversation I had with Kristina. It's been a few years since the topic has ever been brought up between us, but I know how he felt way back then. I hope he still feels the same. I hope I haven't taken too long to realize it. No....I think it'll still be ok. I know how much he loves me.

I also know that I don't want anyone else to take his place. I just want to be with him, and only him, for as long as possible. I can't help but feel a bit unsure thanks to my anxiety, but we're both full adults now. We both have jobs and graduated college and live together.....why not take it to the next step? I think I'm ready......but I need to talk to someone first.

Having the apartment to myself since Sebastian has rehearsal for West Side Story, which I'm super proud of him for getting a part. At first he told me that he gave up the role in order to be there for me at my dad's funeral and I was really upset by that. I knew how much he wanted that role and it hurt my heart to see how quickly he gave it up for me. In fact, that was when I really realized how much he cares about me. Thankfully, there was some scheduling mishaps and it was postponed a bit so he didn't actually need to give it up.

But back to the situation at hand. I scrolled through my contacts on my phone till I reached the one I needed. Sebastian's dad. Even though I have his number in case of emergencies and such, I've never actually called or texted him before. Needless to say I was a bit nervous about it, especially since what I had to talk about with him is pretty serious.

I probably stared at my phone for a good 5 minutes before I finally had the courage to press the call button. As it rang I felt like my throat was being squeezed like a lemon and I almost dropped my phone once I heard his voice on the other line.

"Hello?" He asked in an obviously confused voice.

"Hey...."

"Is everything alright?" He asked, making me remember he originally gave me his number in case of emergencies. Oops.

"Oh yeah it's just ummm....."

"It's ok. Take your time. I don't bite." He said and I couldn't help but remember a certain conversation at the Lima Bean from that last part. Like father, like son I guess.

"I need to ask you something or well ummm ask you for something....."

"It's not money, is it?"

"N-no of course not. God why is this so hard?" 

"Hunter....you sure everything's alright?" He asked and I cursed myself for my nerves.

"Y-yeah.....it's great actually......that's why I'm calling."