What can I do when everything in me fights against itself
When the battlefields are my mind and heart
When my own shadow disappears on me
When it gets so crowded in my head that I become blind
I lose sight of what is and wallow in what it could be
When my dreams feel like reality and my body like a burden
I carry the pain and hurt of years of feelings ignored
The tears that stain my pillow when I'm halfway asleep
My legs are numb and so are my emotions
I have a lot to say but how do I even start
Who can I even tell when my own thoughts terrify me
My back is cold and unfeeling of the weights it's been carrying
When opening my eyes is the hardest thing for me to do
And getting out of bed seems impossible
If it wasn't for the mortal body needs I would've laid in this bed unmoving
When my dreams are vivid feel so surreal and my life doesn't feel real
When the blood in my veins dries out lying in my own bloodbath
When I get so anxious upon being asked "how are you"
Just how much more of this can I endure
Little white lies to hide the sorrow in my eyes
The separation from this world leaves me nostalgic
To a place I once called home but I don't know if it is anymore
The blue balcony in my parents' bedroom to tell apart our house
The rooftop we danced on when the rain poured
The rainbow accompanying the sun shone colors in my grey sky
He had to sacrifice his own golden core I did too
He was casted out by his own peers I felt alone among mine
He had a love that was brave and true he had the might of a thousand kings
He gave so much of himself into a promise he'd made
And I bled so much to be the strength they required
Now everyone's moved on from the past but we still suffer
We carry anger, pain, betrayal and a broken heart with a smile on our face
May the flower bloom with the last drop of water I had
Clouded brain can't logic myself out of this
Voices in my head screaming, crying making invincible storms
The Untamed hero they called him with a broken soul
He'd play his songs into the night maybe another heart would hear
The flute sounds as the 7 strings join in a duet with a zither
At loss of words to say so he sang the silent lyrics that both understood
My brush and canvas dance together like a ribbon inticed
For sometime they forgot how to move rigid in their stance
I drowned in my own passion that turned into obsession
That turned into a complete nightmare hunts me all the time
I hated every stroke I made every line I drew
I hated the empty feeling the voiceless meaning
I despised what I had created I felt enraged by all the mistakes
The void filled me inside out I became with the air hollow
My thoughts, feelings and emotions I've repressed, ignored and avoided
The last to reach the last to win but in what race are we running
I'm filling up with wrath and violence one touch and I'll burst
I'm so tired of everything I'm in so much pain
I'm sleeping restless what is there to gain
Take a breath of fresh air drink some water
Then keep saying I'm okay
Lie through those gritted teeth feeling yourself boil
After all is done open your eyes to a new day but is it really new
Rewind and repeat
YOU ARE READING
The Words I Speak
PoetryWhile I'm silenced out there I'll speak my mind in here This reputation of the quiet Just let it disappear I've got a lot ahead of me Many things that I fear As I'm walking down this road I can finally see things clear . . . . . The Words I S...