The Words I Speak

Rewind and Repeat

What can I do when everything in me fights against itself

When the battlefields are my mind and heart

When my own shadow disappears on me

When it gets so crowded in my head that I become blind

I lose sight of what is and wallow in what it could be

When my dreams feel like reality and my body like a burden

I carry the pain and hurt of years of feelings ignored

The tears that stain my pillow when I'm halfway asleep

My legs are numb and so are my emotions

I have a lot to say but how do I even start

Who can I even tell when my own thoughts terrify me

My back is cold and unfeeling of the weights it's been carrying

When opening my eyes is the hardest thing for me to do

And getting out of bed seems impossible

If it wasn't for the mortal body needs I would've laid in this bed unmoving

When my dreams are vivid feel so surreal and my life doesn't feel real

When the blood in my veins dries out lying in my own bloodbath

When I get so anxious upon being asked "how are you"

Just how much more of this can I endure

Little white lies to hide the sorrow in my eyes

The separation from this world leaves me nostalgic

To a place I once called home but I don't know if it is anymore

The blue balcony in my parents' bedroom to tell apart our house

The rooftop we danced on when the rain poured

The rainbow accompanying the sun shone colors in my grey sky

He had to sacrifice his own golden core I did too

He was casted out by his own peers I felt alone among mine

He had a love that was brave and true he had the might of a thousand kings

He gave so much of himself into a promise he'd made

And I bled so much to be the strength they required

Now everyone's moved on from the past but we still suffer

We carry anger, pain, betrayal and a broken heart with a smile on our face

May the flower bloom with the last drop of water I had

Clouded brain can't logic myself out of this

Voices in my head screaming, crying making invincible storms

The Untamed hero they called him with a broken soul

He'd play his songs into the night maybe another heart would hear

The flute sounds as the 7 strings join in a duet with a zither

At loss of words to say so he sang the silent lyrics that both understood

My brush and canvas dance together like a ribbon inticed

For sometime they forgot how to move rigid in their stance

I drowned in my own passion that turned into obsession

That turned into a complete nightmare hunts me all the time

I hated every stroke I made every line I drew

I hated the empty feeling the voiceless meaning

I despised what I had created I felt enraged by all the mistakes

The void filled me inside out I became with the air hollow

My thoughts, feelings and emotions I've repressed, ignored and avoided

The last to reach the last to win but in what race are we running

I'm filling up with wrath and violence one touch and I'll burst

I'm so tired of everything I'm in so much pain

I'm sleeping restless what is there to gain

Take a breath of fresh air drink some water

Then keep saying I'm okay

Lie through those gritted teeth feeling yourself boil

After all is done open your eyes to a new day but is it really new

Rewind and repeat