The Words I Speak

"Can You Stay With Me Through The Night Too ?"

Inexplicable pain begins in your stomach

The moment the car starts its engine

You sit there uncomfortably and contemplate

Whether to even show up today but it's not your choice to make

Your mission was made to be tougher than your peers

No one can soothe the hurt it brings

No one to say "I've been there and it's okay"

It's a solo path and you're walking alone

A tiresome hour turns to day turns to weeks since you've been home

Barely a restful sleep when their gentle voices keep you up

The memories you created and the letters they wrote

Little stars in the sky would you shine a bit brighter ?

Light this darkness that's trying to eat at me

It's a hard battle and I'm standing on the frontline

It's only me to defend those pure wide eyes

Against a hierarchy that believes

"To stay alive is to suffer"

They've exhausted me of all my armor

I'm at my wits end but I'm not done yet

It's insufferable, my body begs to be medicated

My mind screams to be aided

The pumping blood in my veins have just raided

To prove that I am indeed the living dead

Ironic when my goal is to save a life

That I witness the dying and the passers

And if I'm being honest

I feel like I'm falling as the seconds run

My bones start to break and my heart is numb

I'm used to the lights and the sounds

But this makes it feel like the world has me shunned

A noble cause they said but nothing to accommodate

Their solution causes more suffering to those born with a smile

A laughter I distinctly remember when my mind forgets all else

I go back to the place where I saw my purpose rise

And I send a little prayer for me to keep hanging onto some faith

To refill my patience and clear my thoughts

I turn on my robotic mode and sometimes I forget the off switch

"It's just a day, and every day passes"