The Words I Speak

Panic Attack

The words get stuck in my throat and I choke to near death

My breath cuts through my lungs till I suffocate

The taste of metallic red on my tongue

My eyes lose focus of what's right in front of me

I can't hear you I can't see you I can't feel you

Yet somehow anybody's touch repulses me

And anybody's face drowns in my sea

And anybody's voice breaks my skull

I'm floating I think I've reached the ozone

The lack of breathable air and the immense pressure

I can't talk I can't think I can't feel

Yet somehow my emotions pour out of me like an overflowing sink

And my mind races through the million open tabs

And the whimper in my voice as it leaves my mouth

I need to be grounded but not distracted

I need it to stop but have to see it through

Or else it'll just keep happening throughout the day

And pickup where it left off

I can't breathe I can't listen I can't stop

Yet somehow it slows down when I'm with someone right

And the right words soothe my racing heart

And when we're breathing together we're breathing fine

I can't control it I can't seek help I can't do anything

Don't ask me to cause I've tried

Whenever I talk about it I'm getting shutdown

Cause only "crazy people" do that

And whenever I ask to be aided it costs me money I can't afford

And whenever it happens I can't contain it

My medication attacks any other medicine

Would ruin my nervous system and damages whatever brain cells I have left

It's enough my memory is already destroyed

I don't need more seizures or head traumas

Isn't it enough what I've already got