The Words I Speak

The Adult and The Child

I never cared for the "I love you"'s

I've been fed that my entire life

Cause if they loved me like they claimed

Why would they find every way to hurt me like they did

Silent treatments and chili punishments

I had to read the room if I wanted to talk

Watch carefully every word I said

I was the adult in a child's body

I grew up faster than I needed to be

I tried holding the calm before the storm

And I was the ruins it left

I pick up the pieces of the damaged goods

And I escape in my mind but my feet don't walk

I raised the ones you born

I was the one who stayed to listen no matter how small

I remember how their fall was my fault

How their cry was my responsibility

The comparisons and how everybody is so much better than me

I held so much anger inside that tiny heart

And I played a role in your ploy to disguise us

Cause the world can't see what we see

The world can't know what we know

The constant "what will they think"'s

The experiences and horrific thoughts

Those things don't make a person strong

They deprive you of your humanity

You lose all your power, face, and dignity

You forget who you are, you became a figment of fantasy

You can't quite recall when you last felt alive

I fought so hard to be kind

Being through it all I wouldn't wish upon anybody else

Not even the ones I loathed

After all this time, I learned to set my foot down

Now I'm a child in an adult's body