The Words I Speak

Prince Ci

Here I am

In the middle of the night

Asking all the questions I've avoided but this time

I can't skip through or dodge them away

They keep coming at me in waves of bullets

I'm not built from titanium to ricochet

Piercing through my skin

Breaking every bone

For years I've left my thoughts to the dark

All my memories are surfacing again

It's like my past has come to haunt me

And my present looks blurry

The war my brain declared against my heart

"Don't even for a second think about going back"

My heart keeps shaking incredibly beating

I'm lost in trance I feel clouded

I bet you have no idea of all the pain you've put me through

Thinking you're the only one who knows what hurt was but I do too

The necklace you gave me has rusted around my neck

And our combined birthdays where I told you "I'll never forget"

Holding your hand and walking out

We kept it like a secret only the two of us know

Our bond was something made out of gold

Thinking it was timeless

Didn't realise it was a rusting iron in disguise

Facing the tsunamis and storms has left us in pieces

Now, after years of crying myself to sleep

You come again on your white horse with your head under a crown

Bedazzling absolutely captivating

But I can't bring myself to torture it the same as before

My scars barely healed and my wounds are scabbed still

The void abyss engulfed me up upon hearing your voice

Echoes in my ears remembering all the blood I've lost

I went through battle after battle none of them you knew

Pain after suffer and all I thought about was you

A priority I've set even before myself cause I didn't matter

And when I have finally found my salvation

You come around asking for redemption

How am I supposed to feel ??

What am I supposed to do ??

My heart yearns for yours

But I've come so far to let it take control

For my own sake and sanity

I can not go back to how it used to be

A singer once said "all's well that ends well"

But this feels like a scorching hell

Tell me will this time be any different ??

Will I burn and watch myself go up in flames ??

Will I not lose myself in the shadows ??

Did you think I was playing games ??

Having fun spinning me around your finger, yet

I'm still in a daze of all that has happened

The construction site kept getting emptier

After every block I've put and built

Nothing was ever stable, it took years to complete the base

But now that we're first floor in and you decide to swoop

Did it hurt seeing me again ?? Was it cool ??

I've put back on the mask I've worn for 18 years of my life

When I took it off at last and somewhat of a year has passed

I was forced to wear it again and hold my breath

Your gaze shook the living bits out of me

I see you still haven't outgrown that old habit of yours

Of making me regret I ever said a word

You say you're listening so why is your silver screen on ??

It feels like I'm just talking to a silent wall

My treacherous armour came falling down

When the words "I wish you could stay" came out