An alluring gaze is all I had ever hoped for
I never seemed to get, so I tamed my young soul
Restrained my every desire, even when it was within my reach
Cause if myself isn't binded by chains, I wouldn't know what becomes of me
And I kept trying with all my might not to give in to you
But you've brought out a side to me I've never known before
If only I could express what I feel, disregarding all their hopes and dreams
Wouldn't it be liberating if I could kiss you above water ?
But the pressure I'm under would turn a diamond to shards
And I'm worried, if it rained, I'll rust like the fence around their cruelty in disguise
So I refrain from responding to every movement you make
Yet, I tend to find myself running after you, mesmerised by your values
Is what I'm doing a crime ? cause I keep getting scolded
They furrow their brows and threat with distasteful intent
And if looks could kill, theirs would be daggers at my back
I apologise, I can't do what you're asking me of
I really wish I could but my strength has worn down and I can't break free
I've downed those pills dryly, religiously
How your hand snakes around my neck and your touch slithers into my soulHow your eyes hiss at me every time I look away breaking you admiring
You gave me a taste of freedom and I savored it
But it's not a dish I'm meant to use forevermore
Nor is it in the already set-in-stone plan they had mapped out since I was born
You filled my desolated heart with many feelings
You've annihilated all of my beliefs and obliterated my ideals
I'm someone who has everything to lose with nothing to gain
And if I crack falling down, there's no one to put me back together again
What is there to guarantee that you'll get me the King's help
When all my life everyone walked away without batting an eye
What you've seen today was only a sliver of what it is like on daily basis
The condescending comments that feel like poison
The degrading remarks on how less than perfect I've become
This is the highlight of my struggle, the porcelain model-student
They said I've turned rogue, performing inadequately
I stand, afraid to say a word, and take it all in
I run for the rooftop fearing my own tears
I'm okay
You caress my face, I see myself starting to break
I mourn in your arms
I'm not okay
Not okay at all
YOU ARE READING
The Words I Speak
PoetryWhile I'm silenced out there I'll speak my mind in here This reputation of the quiet Just let it disappear I've got a lot ahead of me Many things that I fear As I'm walking down this road I can finally see things clear . . . . . The Words I S...