The Words I Speak

Eclipse

An alluring gaze is all I had ever hoped for

I never seemed to get, so I tamed my young soul

Restrained my every desire, even when it was within my reach

Cause if myself isn't binded by chains, I wouldn't know what becomes of me

And I kept trying with all my might not to give in to you

But you've brought out a side to me I've never known before

If only I could express what I feel, disregarding all their hopes and dreams

Wouldn't it be liberating if I could kiss you above water ?

But the pressure I'm under would turn a diamond to shards

And I'm worried, if it rained, I'll rust like the fence around their cruelty in disguise

So I refrain from responding to every movement you make

Yet, I tend to find myself running after you, mesmerised by your values

Is what I'm doing a crime ? cause I keep getting scolded

They furrow their brows and threat with distasteful intent

And if looks could kill, theirs would be daggers at my back

I apologise, I can't do what you're asking me of

I really wish I could but my strength has worn down and I can't break free

I've downed those pills dryly, religiously

How your hand snakes around my neck and your touch slithers into my soul

How your eyes hiss at me every time I look away breaking you admiring

You gave me a taste of freedom and I savored it

But it's not a dish I'm meant to use forevermore

Nor is it in the already set-in-stone plan they had mapped out since I was born

You filled my desolated heart with many feelings

You've annihilated all of my beliefs and obliterated my ideals

I'm someone who has everything to lose with nothing to gain

And if I crack falling down, there's no one to put me back together again

What is there to guarantee that you'll get me the King's help

When all my life everyone walked away without batting an eye

What you've seen today was only a sliver of what it is like on daily basis

The condescending comments that feel like poison

The degrading remarks on how less than perfect I've become

This is the highlight of my struggle, the porcelain model-student

They said I've turned rogue, performing inadequately

I stand, afraid to say a word, and take it all in

I run for the rooftop fearing my own tears

I'm okay

You caress my face, I see myself starting to break

I mourn in your arms

I'm not okay

Not okay at all