Can We Fall, One More Time?

Chapter 44: The way he deserves

I am on my way to Ethan's house. Pumunta na ako sa condo niya pero wala siya doon so i decided to call him and he said he is on his father's house.

When i arrived, tinignan lang ako ng guard at pina pasok agad. I parked my car at agad na pumunta sa main door para doon na dumaan.

"You drove your car? Marunong ka na ba talaga? Pinasundo na lang sana kita Papunta dito," bungad sa akin ni tito ng makita ako, ngumiti ako dito bago mag mano.

"I attended schooling po. Ethan and the boys are patient enough to teach me," I said, tumango tango naman siya.

Bago ko tanungin si Ethan, i remember that they are still not on good terms, "Okay na kayo ni Ethan Tito?"

"Oh, so you know," He chuckled before he continued, "Wala akong choice pilay e,"

Napakunot ako ng noo. "He is?" I asked.

"He's upstairs, puntahan mo na lang. Kapag may ginawa sayo putulin mo na ng tuluyan ang kamay tapos sigaw ka para lumpuhin na rin natin," Tito said bago siya mag paalam na magpapa hangin lang sa garden.

When tito Evan went out outside, agad na akong umakyat papuntang kwarto ni ethan. The door isn't lock kaya pumasok na ako dito.

Naabutan ko naman si Ethan na hinihilot ang hita niya gamit ang kanan niyang kamay habang ang kaliwa ay naka semento.

" What the fuck?" Inangat niya ang tingin niya sa akin.

Nakakunot ang noo niya pero ng tingnan niya ako ay bigla siyang ngumiti. "You're here," He said.

I went near him and there I saw some bruises too.

"What happened?" I asked.

"If you saw me fly a while ago then this is the outcome." and there i remember what happened bago atakihin ng hika si Lucas. "But you have your focus to lucas so I guess you didn't see me f-"

"I'm sorry," I said, which made his face soften.

"Sorry? You did nothing wrong," he said.

Umiling ako. "I wasn't able to accompany you e ganyan na pala ang sitwasyon mo," Hinawakan ko ang sementado niyang braso, "Masakit ba?"

"Naka semento so it won't hurt by touching. Try to move it, sisigaw ako dito," He said with a smile on his face. I pout, feeling guilty.

"I better not." Sagot ko sa kanya.

Umusog siya ng upo para maka upo ako sa tabi niya, when i settled on my place, i rest his head on my shoulder.

"Si daddy ang nagdala sa akin sa hospital. I asked them to call dad cause if it is not you then it better be dad."

And maybe this is why I never look at Ethan as a friend, he is more than that because I am more than that to him. There are only a few of us in his life, we are always more than any title that there is for him.

"Pero paano mo pala nabuhat si Lucas?" Tanong ko nang naalala ko na binuhat niya kanina si Lucas. With this hand, how was it possible?

"I only used this hand as a guide. I don't have any plan of taking him by myself their pero baka ikaw ang mag buhat kaya binuhat ko na. Ang bigat ng lalakeng yon, feeling ko nga kaya na tuluyan tong kamay ko dahil sa kanya e."

I got touch by that. That's lowkey saying, 'I don't wanna do it but I thought of you so I did it.'

I looked at him before I decided to hug him. Naramdaman ko na natigilan siya, he isn't moving so i look at him, "Why?" I asked.

"Ouch?" patanong na sabi niya and there i get what he mean, nagalaw ko ang braso niya. Kumalas agad ako sa yakap at ngumiti na lang sa kanya.

"Thank you for doing things you don't have to do for me,"

He looked at me, as if studying me and that made me feel uncomfortable so I looked away.

"Is there a problem?" He asked.

I gulp, am i that obvious? Pero wala naman talagang problema e, naiinis lang ako sa sarili ko kasi bakit ganito ako, bakit ganito ang takbo ng utak at ng puso ko?

"wala naman," I said.

Napansin ko ang pag hinga niya ng malalim, "Kung walang problema then, what's bothering you? I know there is."

I was thinking if i should tell him, hindi ko pa man alam kung ano ang desisyon ko ay sinabi ko na, "I feel so sorry about myself, i feel like a fool."

Nag kunot ang noo niya, "Why?" He asked.

"I told myself that I already moved on, I said I am done but how come the walls I built were quick to get ruined? Are they even real? O gawa gawa lang pero wala naman talaga?" I look at him, "I confirmed just now that I haven't made any steps just yet. Tinago ko lang, pero nandito pa rin ako sa iniwan ko."

"You tried not because you want but because you think it is a need. Gusto mo lang maging okay pero hindi mo talaga gustong mawala yung pagmamahal mo sa kanya. Mahal mo pa diba?"

Mahal ko siya, mahal ko pa so I nodded, wala naman akong balak mag sinungaling kay Ethan.

"Choose me or lose me doesn't work on me. Grabe ang baba ko naman, okay lang sa akin maging back up plan." Nag labas ako ng mapait na ngiti, ganito ba talaga kapag nag mamahal? ibababa mo ang sarili mo para mahalin din? pero bakit ganito naman kababa?

"Back up plan is something too because there are people who are not even a backup plan but i hope you'll never let it. Allison don't ever let it," nahihirapan man ay inabot niya pa rin ang ulo ko, he pat my head, "I can see that receiving half is enough for you but allison you can have a whole bakit ka mag sesettle sa kalahati lang? If you love him then do so, but just love him secretly, love him just because you do, wag mo na ulit labanan ang sitwasyon, masasaktan ka lang ulit. Love him the way he deserves not the way you want to love him because the way you love him is more than what he should receive and the way he deserves to be loved is under the standard. He isn't right for you, he never was."