Can We Fall, One More Time?

Chapter 89: His POV

"Lucas tama na!"

I shook my head. Binigay ko sa kanya ang perang binalik niya. "I need that. Naiintindihan mo ba ako? Kailangan ko yan!"

But instead of granting me, nag umpisa na siyang nag linis. I felt irritated.

"Hindi ka kasi marunong magmahal that is why you don't know how this feels. Do you want to know how this feels? Sobrang sakit, sa sobrang sakit I just wanna end everything pero walang Allison kapag namatay ako that is why i am trying to endure this, Dito lang ako kasi nandito si Allison!"

"You're gonna overdose yourself if i won't stop you. Tangina pre uminom ka na nga kahit na alam mong delikado. You're already high and you're still acting like that, i doubt that drugs will still help you. Let go lucas, bumitaw na yung tao, maawa ka sa sarili mo."

Umiling ako, no. I won't let go of her.

High yet still broken, I went to her place, nagulat ako ng sabihan niya ako na sumunod sa kanya.

I was hopeful,

For a while, I thought like in fairytale we could still have our happily ever after...

But that's too good to be true and the truth is the opposite of what I was hoping for.

She's leaving...

Afraid of losing her for real, I did something that I will forever hate myself for doing...

Naisip ko kasi na baka totoo nga, na kapag na buntis ko siya ay hindi na niya ako iwan. Wala ako sa katinuan but no one deserves to be blame other than me.

That night I ruined the very tiny chance that I don't even think I still have...

That night I ruined the only women that became my strength.

I still don't know how to let go but I needed to do that. With me she is in pain. Because of me she has an episode that will haunt her, I know she will have to carry that within her and forever she will hate me for giving that to her. Ako din naman galit na galit sa sarili ko.

Since then I have brought darkness to her when all she did was to give light to mine. How can I save her from so much heartache when my presence alone is the greatest source of her pain?

"If you want it so bad then die! Gusto ko lang ay mabura ka sa buhay ko Lucas and I think your death is the best way to get rid of you, the pain and everything that causes my misery!" She said, her eyes were furious.

Pinanood ko lang na mawala siya sa paningin ko. This is probably the last time I will see her and I promise to remember those eyes that have no love but all madness looking at me because dying favors me. I hope that carrying the pain of knowing she despises me until I die favors her.

She's leaving and it is on the internet.

I didn't even know it beforehand and now I am rushing to see her. Kahit ngayon na lang gusto ko lang siyang makita.

Nang nasa airport na ako ay agad kong nilibot ang mata ko, gusto ko siyang makita. Naramdaman ko pa ang pag init ng sulok ng mata ko, bakit hindi ko siya makita?

I held the paper on my hand, tight. "Allison, kahit ngayon na lang."

Sa bawat flight na naririnig kong umalis ay hindi ko mapigilang matakot. Paano kung umalis na siya?

I look at my phone when i felt it vibrate,

Wala na siya.

Kasabay ng pagkalaglag ng cellphone ko ay ang pag tulo ng mga luha sa mata ko.

Natulala nalang ako, hindi ko na siya naabutan...

The moment I got inside the car I took everything I could. Pain killer, heroin, weeds, i took them all not to end the pain, not to feel the rush, not for pleasure but to do what she asked me.

My whole body was shaking while I was driving. Little by little I felt like I was dying in the most painful way.

Before I closed my eyes, I found everything around me broken, just like my heart that hasn't healed and was left broken ever since I lost her.

And forever I will suffer because as I close my eyes, I know that there will no longer be Allison, no more light.