Can We Fall, One More Time?

Chapter 80: Taste of Hell

I am planning to leave without him knowing. Kahit pa palagi siyang nag hihintay sa labas hindi ko naisip na sabihan siya. But after knowing that he didn't graduate, i felt something inside me that i can't recognize. Feeling ko rin ako ang may kasalanan kung bakit nangyayari sa kanya ang lahat ng to.

Bakit ba feeling ko nasaktan ko siya when he is the one who hurt me? Why does it seem like I am the reason why we ended up like this?

"You sure you don't want me to help you?" Kuya asked. Sinabi ko na sa kanya na kakausapin ko si Lucas. Now I am the one who wants to talk to him but that's because I want to set myself free. I am not at fault but I feel like I am.

"kakausapin ko lang naman tapos may kukunin lang, kaya ko na,"

"Sa isang bahay kung saan ka tumitira kayo mag uusap?" I nodded.

"Oo kuya. May mga importante din ako ng gamit don e. Why? Sa tingin mo ba may masama siyang gagawin sa akin? You are so hell bent on making me believe that he really did love me, do you think love will put me in danger?"

He has been convincing me that lucas loves me. He even said that he don't wish us to come back to each other but he just want me to know the truth kasi daw ayaw niyang mas mahirapan ako kapag dumating ang araw na tinatanong ko na ang sarili ko kung ano ang nangyari. Kuya told me that lucas loves me, he just didn't do it right.

"It's the other way around. What if you hurt him? You are so capable of that." Tinignan ko si kuya bago umupo sa harapan niya.

"Yung totoo kuya? Sino ang kapatid mo? I also think we have something to talk about given the fact that you seem to be putting the blame on me," I jokingly said. Tumayo siya sa kinauupuan niya. He walked in my direction.

"You were falling out of love and he knows that. I don't know the whole thing but don't you think that could be a reason aswell?"

Napa Buntong hininga ako. "Alam mo ba kung gaano ka grabe ang ginagawa niya kuya? It is too much to the point that I think he was able to stay with me even when I was losing feelings because the love he showed everyone of isn't real. What he did made me question his love kahit pa sobrang sincere niya sa mga ginawa niya. Kuya, hindi ko na alam kung ano ang totoo sa hindi,"

He sighs. "Allison, you are my sister and I love you. Do you know why I am doing this? It's because I want you to open up your side. I want you to tell me your pain. So if I need to tell you where I think you went wrong to push you just so you could defend yourself then I will, because I want to hear your truth,"

"Hindi ko pa kaya..." everything are still fresh, buo pa ang detalye sa puso at utak ko pero hindi ko kayang sabihin. It is still breaking me and I don't know when it will stop hurting but as long as it is hurting me, I know I wont find the courage to tell them.

He plastered a smile before he kissed my forehead. "I can wait and I will always wait."

After my conversation with my brother I realized that of all the people who already turned their back on me, he is still there willing to believe in me. Kahit pa siya ang pinaka walang alam sa side ko, he will do his best to know my side. He refuses to believe what others have to say kahit yun lang ang alam niya. He can judge me because I am at fault too but he didn't.

"Manang pakisabi nalang kay kuya umalis na ako ha," Sabi ko sa katulong na nadaanan ko.

Paglabas ko ng gate I saw lucas, it's 5:00 in the afternoon, maaga yata siya ngayon? Kadalasan kasi gabi na talaga siyang pumupunta dito.

Binaba ko ang salamin ng sasakyan, nagulat pa siya ng makita ako. "Follow me."

It's heavy knowing that this could be the last time i'll see him ever again. Hindi ko alam kung gugustuhin ko pang bumalik kapag naranasan ko na ang mabuhay sa ibang bansa. Sa lugar kung saan walang nakakakilala sa akin, sa lugar kung saan walang makakapag paalala ng mga sakit. No one even knows what i did wrong, no one would judge me there the same way i am being judge here.