Can We Fall, One More Time?

Chapter 47: Loving even without the will

I listen to the instructions of the teacher when I feel uncomfortable. I felt the urge to look around and when I did, I caught Lucas looking at me. He was just looking at me until he realized that i've been looking at him as well so he smiled, i returned it. Nakatingin lang kami sa isa't isa, kung hindi pa tinawag ng teacher ang pangalan ko ay hindi pa mapuputol ang pag tititigan namin.

We were tasked to do a group activity at kung kailan gusto naming maka group ang isa't isa, doon naman hindi nangyari. As usual, leader na naman ako.

I am walking with ethan and he was searching for his ID on his bag when someone grabbed my hand. Ti tili na sana ako ng makita ko kung sino ito, hobby talaga niya ang hilain ako e.

"Luc-" but before I could even talk, I felt his lips on mine. It wasn't just a peck, well what do you expect to lucas? if it is a peck then it is not a kiss.

When he let go my my lips, ngumiti siya sa akin.

"I hope that kiss will make you think of me all throughout the day. Ako lang kahit iba ang kasama."

It's not long when i came back with the group, nag tanong pa sila kung saan ako pumunta lalo na si ethan, i just told them that i went to the restroom.

And just like what Lucas wanted, that kiss made me think of him all day. Pero sa totoo lang hindi naman niya kailangan gawin yon para buong araw ko siyang isipan, his whole existence is something to think about.

The whole day all we did was to steal glances at each other, smile, and send text messages. I seem to be out of the world, at parang siya lang ang nakikita ko.

At exactly 11:00 in the evening, i went outside. Saktong pag labas ko ay nakita ko ang sasakyan niyang naka park sa harapan.

Pagkasakay ko ay agad ko siyang niyakap. Iba pala kasi talaga kapag may namamagitan sa inyo pero hindi mo siya mahawakan sa harap ng mga tao, you will end up craving for him.

"I love you," I said in the middle of the road. I love reminding him about it. As long as i can, sasabihin ko sa kanya na mahal ko siya.

Napansin kong natigilan siya. He glances at me for a second before he reaches out for my hand. He intertwined our fingers and he held in tight.

"Ask me anything that is enough to return what you just said," He said.

What would return what I just said?

I look at him, ano nga ba ang gusto kong marinig mula sa kanya?

"Anything that you would like to know, whatever it is," Sabi pa nito.

I can't ask him to say i love you, alam kong hindi ko rin yon magugustuhan lalo na kung hindi naman siya sigurado. I just want something that is not hard to answer pero gugustuhin kong marinig.

"What or how is the way to your heart?" I asked. Muli ay tumingin siya sa akin. He lick his lips, thinking.

"I need constant reassurance," nakatingin lang siya sa daan. Faint smile appeared on his face. "For someone like me, ang kapal ng mukha diba? But that is what I need. Malala ang trust issues ko Allison so before I dive into something, I need to be assured that what you said to me now is still what you will say when the time comes."

Napaisip ako don. I always say I love him but is my action enough to prove to him that I really do? I am not lacking right?

As if a mind reader, he was able to answer my question, "Allison, nothing is more sincere than your love for me. Hindi ko sinabi yan dahil gusto kong malaman ko, i just said it because it is what really is."

Humarap ako sa kanya. "Remember when I told you that I don't know when was the exact moment I fell for you? Diba sinabi ko na hindi ko alam, na basta ko na lang naramdaman?" Without breaking our hands from holding each other, hininaan niya ang kanta na kanina pa pala tumutugtog pero hindi ko na napansin.

"Continue," He said.

"Naisip ko lang na baka kaya hindi ko alam kung kailan at kung anong rason ay dahil hindi ko naman kasi ginusto. I just fell for you without my will, basta naramdaman ko lang," hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang sinasabi ko pero ito ang gusto kong sabihin, baka siya maintindihan niya, baka siya kailangan niya. "So never think that my love for you will ever change because even without my will, even without my knowing, I just do and I just keep on falling for you."

I can never predict what is going to happen in the future but at this moment, what I know best is that i will hold his hand tight even if it does not give assurance that he will never let me go.