Can We Fall, One More Time?

Chapter 49: Defeat

Ethan's POV

I drink from my shot glass, naramdaman ko ang pag guhin nito sa lalamunan ko.

"Can you imagine how hurt I am? Parang sinasabi sa akin ng mundo na wala naman ang tyansa kay Allison." Natatawa na sabi ko. I am not expecting for anything more, pero wag naman yung ganitong pagkawala nung isa, babalik naman yung nasa nakaraan.

I am supposed to be drinking on my own but i guess asher knows, he has always been the one who is there for me when it comes to allison, they are the best of friend, he knows her better and ever since he knew about my feelings, he is trying to know what's deep within me too.

"Antagal na non Ethan and we are not sure if they really have feelings for each other." Asher said.

I sigh. The thing about being in love with someone is that you understand their feelings for others but you will stay blind to what they feel for you. I might not know what really happened before because it is only them who knows, I know there is something. You twinkle in their eyes isn't something to ignore, the admiration, the closeness, it is different. As if they are each other's biggest fan, as if together they were able to create a world where only the two of them exist. Luke has that big position on Allison's life.

If we are the best friends that her parents keep saying she shouldn't hang out with us because we are all young and close to trouble, Luke is the person they trust allison with except from her own brother.

"Can they all just leave?" Naiinis na sabi ko. Before Lucas happened it's just us, dreaming together in peace. Ngayon kaya na bumalik si luke ano ang mangyayari?

"You can't keep on wishing people to leave because you're afraid they'll own Allison. If you're afraid then move because if you will just stay in your lane, you will just keep on complaining... and complaining until you regret it because you should have done something but you are so afraid to move."

That made sense but it's not for me.

I look at Asher, "The thing is Allison is still in love with lucas. Kahit na wala, kahit na tapos na paulit ulit niya pa ring naaalala si lucas. It's always lucas, para na nga siyang sirang plaka e pero nakikinig na lang ako because as long as she wants to open up to me, I will listen. Kahit pa paulit ulit akong dinudurog makikinig ako because in that way i can be with her. And now the past came back. Asher, moving will just cause some stain on our relationship because if you think of it, wala naman talaga akong chance e. Parang tanga nalang ako kung mamamag asa pa ako na pag bigyan niya ako."

"Then weight of what you can and what you can't endure," I drunk from my glass, I'lll endure everything as long as I won't lose her.

"Matagal ko na rin namang natanggap na hanggang dito lang ako. Sometimes I really just want to wish na she won't be in a relationship and today is one of them kaya gusto ko nalang silang umalis kasi yun lang naman talaga yung naka ayon sa akin e. From the start I already lost the game, I am no longer expecting to win but what will favor me is them not winning too. I lost even when she doesnt know I was a contestant, I just wish them to lose too even when it is impossible."

Kagaya ng sabi ni Asher I will just keep on complaining until I regret not moving. But I'll regret moving too because I know it will stain what we have. I won't risk it, lalo na at alam kong iba naman talaga ako nasa puso niya.

This kind of love feels like suiciding because I will still love her even when it kills me inside.

Pag gising ko ng umaga, wala ng laman ang ref ko. I don't even have bread and my head is spinning so I went to the nearest convenience store.

Coffee, I want coffee...

Pero kapag minamalas ka nga naman, sira pa ang coffee machine.

Pumunta ako sa counter. "Do you have hot water?"

"May bayad po sir."

"I'll pay, and also give me a paper cup."

Kumuha muna ako ng sandwich bago magbayad. I was about to leave after i got my exchange ng napansin ko na sobra ang sukli na binigay niya.

"I rarely check my exchange so you should thank your angel cause I did or else mababawasan ang sweldo mo." Binalik ko ang 500. Nang i angat niya ang tingin niya ay nagulat ako.

"So it's you?/Ikaw na naman?" We said in unison. She is really everywhere.

Tinalikuran ko na siya pero nagulat ako ng harangan niya ako.

"Wait, I'll return the necklace," I just ignored her. "Baka napapagalitan ka na sa parents mo, ibigay mo na lang sa kanila."

Muli ay hinarangan niya ako. "Wait lang,"

"I said keep it. Kung ayaw mo, itapon mo." Nilagpasan ko ulit siya, nang muli na naman niyang haharangan sana ang daan ko ay hinila ko na ang braso niya palayo sa akin.

"Aray naman, ibabalik ko lang naman."

My head is aching so bad, wala akong oras para makipag kulitan.