The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

76. Great is my confusion

After the birthday party I stayed the night at Maggie's place. I didn't sleep well in that tiny bed of hers so I kept hearing Mag's phone going off. I didn't wanna be that controlling boyfriend, so I refrained from touching her phone to check who was messaging her in the middle of the night.

"Oh my God, Josh..." I heard Maggie say to me.
I slowly opened my eyes and saw her staring at her phone. The sun was up so it must have been the following morning. I didn't even know when I had fallen asleep.
"What's the matter?" I asked in a raspy voice, rubbing my eyes.
"That's stupid bitch, she posted a photo of us kissing and she tagged me in it! She wrote: 'Aren't they the cutest? My cousin is so lucky! #perfectcouple @raindancemaggie' in the description." Mag explained.
"What? Who? When? And since when this is your Instagram handle?"
"My cousin, at the birthday party! I didn't have the time to look at my phone last night. And what's wrong with my handle? Every other handle I thought of was already taken. Fuck, what do we do now?"
"Nothing, the attention will die out."
"Josh, I've been getting so many DMs from your fans, this is absolutely nuts! Wanna hear the messages I got?"
"Not really, I don't care about it. Why don't you make your account private for a couple of weeks until people forget about this?"
"Why would I do that? I want people to see my photos and offer jobs to me!"
"Okay, do what you wanna do."
Maggie scrolled through the messages with a smile on her face until suddenly it changed to a frown.
"What is it? Why you're all of a sudden so sad?"
"You stupid bitch, you're so ugly. Josh deserves someone better than you. You're too boring for Josh, he's gonna break up with you soon. Another talentless whore who wants to become famous by sleeping with a musician..." Maggie read the messages to me.
"Stop, stop it, goddamn!" I told her and snatched the phone from her.
Maggie started to cry and put her head on my chest.
"These nasty messages don't mean anything. People writing them are ugly trolls who want to make you cry."
"Great, they won. That's so fucking cruel to say such things about someone you don't know."
"I know, Mag. There's always gonna be people who are gonna hate. But what about those nice messages? I saw how you grinned at the phone."
"Yeah, you're right. Some people were so sweet to me! Check out this one, this is the newest message I got." Maggie said and read the DM to me.
'Welcome to the Chili Peppers' family, Maggie! Josh looks to be so happy with you! You're so pretty, your eyes are stunning! Please don't let the negative comments get to you. The true fans will always support you. Have a nice day!'
"That's so nice of them to send this message to you!" I told Maggie.
"I know, I'll reply with 'Thank you very much for this message. The amount of hate I got was overwhelming and your message made my day'."
"So, what are we doing today?" I asked Maggie, giving her a kiss.
"Dunno, we could go to the beach."
"Can I take Johnny with us?"
"Yes, of course you can!"

*

I had only two days left until I had to leave again. Last night both me and Maggie started to cry as we talked about the next few months ahead of us.
As I dropped her off at school this morning, she told me not to pick her up as she wanted to prepare for what's life gonna be like after I'm gone.
It made me feel really shitty and depressed.
"Dad, have you got a number of the therapist you used to go to?" I called John and asked him.
"Yeah, yeah, I've gotta have it somewhere. Do you need help?" John asked.
"Yes, I... I can't handle the thought that I've gotta leave you and Maggie and Johnny... I need some pills or else I'll go crazy." I explained.
"Son... I really don't know what to tell you. You've gotta stay strong. Do you want me to come see you? Yeah, I guess I should come."
"We could eat lunch together. But first let me schedule a meeting with the therapist, I hope he finds the time to see me today or tomorrow."
"I'll call him." John told me and hung up.
Five minutes later dad texted me saying that he scheduled an appointment for me at noon.

I sat in the leather chair at the therapist's office and it kept squeeking as I fidgeted and bounced my legs.
"Well, Mr. Klinghoffer, I can see you're very stressed." The therapist told me after he observed my behavior for a couple of seconds.
"No, I'm not, I just cannot sit still, I'm always moving around. It's been like this my whole life." I explained.
"What was your upbringing like?" He inquired.
"Very unstable and unhappy. I didn't have a dad growing up and my mother always seemed to be overwhelmed and pissed at me." I said.
"Have you been diagnosed with any conditions?" He asked.
"Yeah, I guess a school nurse said something about ADHD once or twice..." I admitted.
"I see. Is anything else bothering you, Mr. Klinghoffer?" The therapist asked me.
"Yes, I experience severe anxiety and episodes of depression. It affects my career as I feel less inspired to play the guitar when I'm sad and depressed. I've been addicted to drugs and alcohol before, they helped me cope with things. But I don't do drugs and I don't drink that much anymore." I said.
"Which kind of drugs did you use, Mr. Klinghoffer? Did you use them intravenously?" He inquired.
"No, I could never, having seen what shooting up did to my dad's arms... I did cocaine, I snorted it. But I've been to rehab." I opened up.
"That's very good, Mr. Klinghoffer. Okay, I will prescribe you with Xanax, Valium and Prozac." The therapist said.
"I'm gonna need a lot of them, I'll be abroad for a couple of months." I explained.
"Mr. Klinghoffer, I can't do that. There's a possibility of you abusing those drugs." He shook his head and said.
"I won't, I promise. I have to be in the right state of mind to play a hundred shows in a row." I explained.