The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

4. My lovely man

All I heard was beeping. My whole body was hurting. I slowly opened my eyes. Fortunately, it was dark in the room. I looked to my right and saw a heart rate monitor. I thought about my mother. I imagined I was dying too. I started to cry.

- Shh, I'm here.

I heard a man's voice. Someone grabbed my hand. I looked at him and realized it was John. He was crying.

- What happened?

- You had an accident. You were in a coma for 3 days. I was so scared Josh. It's all my fault. I'm sorry baby, I shouldn't have been fighting with Emily while you were there.

- No, you were fighting because of me. I am the guilty one.

I tried to wipe away my tears and I felt a sharp pain.

- Honey don't move. You've got broken ribs. I love you Josh, please, don't run away anymore. I couldn't stand losing you. I'm so glad that you're ok. I thought you were never going to wake up. I was crying and sitting by your side all the time. Do you believe me when I say that I love you? Nothing or no one is more important than you, Josh. If Emily really loved me, she wouldn't act this way. I can't wait until you come home. I will take care of you.

- I love you too. Thank you for being here.

- They wouldn't let me in because you've got a different name but your doctor was a fan of mine and he agreed to let me stay here.

- Can you tell me what actually happened?

- You don't remember anything?

I shook my head.

- Josh, when Emily left I began searching for you but I couldn't find you anywhere. And then I saw that your car wasn't there. I was driving through the streets and I saw an ambulance. Then, I saw that your car was completely crashed. I thought that you were dead! And it was because of me and that stupid fight! I will never forget that moment. You were so lucky. You've only got a few ribs and a leg broken. I already did you so much hurt.

- It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have ran away. Do you still want me to live with you?

- Of course!  We will pack your stuff from your old house and you will pick yourself a room at my place. But first, there's one thing to organize.

- A funeral, I know.

- I will help you, you won't be able to walk for quite a while, my poor thing.

*

- Don't cry baby.

- I can't believe she's gone. Thank you for being here. And your speech. She would really appreciate that.

John made me really emotional when he spoke about my mom. He said that she had given him the most beautiful gift- me. And he promised to take care of me. There weren't too many people on the funeral. Only the Peppers and some of mom's closest friends.

I was lost in my thoughts and didn't even realize that we were already parking in the garage. Dad wheeled me to the kitchen and asked:

- Are you hungry?

- A little bit.

- You have to eat something. I'll make you pancakes.

- Did you learn how to cook, dad? Wow.

- I had to. We can't eat take-out's for the rest of our lives.

I smiled warmly. I loved living with John. He was so caring and sweet. Every night we sat on the couch and played guitars. I also started to play the drums and keyboard. I finally felt happy and safe.

- Can you help me change my clothes? I hate the suit. I can't wait to wear my sweatpants and a beanie.

- Why do you always have your hat on baby? Don't you like your hair?

- Well, I just like to hide my body. I think I'm too skinny.

- I'm skinny too, I've always been that way. And I don't think it's something we should be ashamed of. That's how we are, these are our genes.

- And um, dad, why do you always have a long sleeve shirt on?

- Well, I have to hide something that I'm really ashamed of.

- What is it?

- Are you sure you wanna see it?

- Of course. Have you got some funny tattoos from your teenage years?

- You can say so.

I watched him unbuttoning his shirt. He slowly slid the sleeves off and I saw something horrible. I wanted to close my eyes but I knew that it would hurt him. I didn't want to make him feel disgusting.

- Dad what happened to your arms? Have you been injured by the fire? Are these burns?

- That's what people think. And I prefer this version. Do you want to know the truth?

I nodded my head, still studying his massive scars.

- It's from shooting drugs.

- What?

I couldn't believe his words. I knew that he was using heroine but I've never seen anything like this.

- I was a hell of a junkie. I was shooting all of the time. Heroine, cocaine, I took anything. I never learned to shoot up properly though. My arms were all covered in puss and wounds. The doctors told me I was probably going to loose my arms. Can you imagine what I did to myself? I also had an infection in my mouth, I have dentures, I don't have any real teeth.

- That's horrible! Why didn't you just stop taking drugs?

- It wasn't that easy. I was alone and sad. I wasn't in the band anymore. They couldn't stand me. I was an asshole. I wanted to die so bad. And I almost did.

- I'm glad that you're ok right now and I can be here with you.

- Thank you baby. I wish I knew about you. Maybe it would make me stop. But I wouldn't like you to see me back then. I was a skeleton. It took me many years to get back in shape. I had no vitamins, no calcium in my bones. It wasn't easy but I never gave up. I want you to be strong and never give up. I'll help you whenever you need me.

- Thanks. You can always talk to me too. Maybe I'm not the wisest person but I can give you some advise.

- Well, there's actually one thing. I would like to take someone I love for a trip to Italy. I've got a beautiful house there, right next to the sea. How should I ask this person to go there with me?

- What are you afraid of? Just call this someone and ask straight away.

Deep down I wanted my dad to be happy but I didn't want him to leave me here, especially after my accident. But well, I gave him the advice he needed.

- I don't even have to call, he's right there. Josh, would you like to visit Italy with me? You could meet your uncles and cousins. What do you think about it?

My jaw has dropped. I had tears in my eyes.

- So I have more family?

- Yes you do. And they are really excited to meet you.

- Of course I want to go there. But dad, I can't walk yet.

- Don't worry. I'll book the tickets right after your birthday. Your leg will be fine then. It will be my present for you. God, I'm the worst at keeping secrets.

I smiled wide.

- That's fine, it's better for me to know now. I don't really like surprises.

- Really? Wow. You're weird.

- Thanks dad. I really appreciate it.

We both giggled for what felt like hours. My broken ribs started to hurt but I didn't care, I wanted this moment to last forever.