The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

46. Say goodbye my love

I spent the whole Sunday with my family. It was so great to have Johnny with me. The truth was I didn't want to give him back to Lilly.

- Dada!

He shouted as he finished building a house from blocks.

- Good job, buddy! John, come here, see what Johnny just did!

I responded and called my dad.

- Oh, what a beautiful house! It even has a chimney! Hope, do you like it?

He said as he came into the room with his daughter in his arms.

- Hope!

Johnny suddenly shouted.

- What did you say?

I asked. I couldn't believe my ears.

- Hope!

He repeated.

- My smart baby, that's your aunt's name, yeah!

I said and hugged him. He gave me a kiss. I picked him up and gave him a piggyback to the kitchen where Emily was.

- Em, he's just said Hope, I think it was his first word!

I told her, still being so excited.

- Really, John? You're so cute! Let me give you a kiss!

She said and ran up to us.

- No!

He shouted and covered his face with his hand.

- You don't want a kiss?

- No!

I giggled.

- That's my son.

*

My alarm clock went off at 7 AM. I rubbed my eyes and hugged Johnny, who began crying. He had been sleeping with me.

- Daddy has to get up. You're gonna stay with papa, fine?

He nodded and I wiped away his tears. Then he fell asleep again. I tried to stay calm, although my heart was racing. I was scared. Scared of going to court, meeting Lilly. I was praying there wouldn't be any paparazzi. We agreed to be the only people in court room, no witnesses or families.

Emily has ironed my white shirt for me the previous day, which I was really grateful for. I put it on and tugged it into my loose black pants. I then went downstairs. I was expecting everyone to be still asleep. But John was already sitting in the kitchen with 2 cups of coffee and pancakes.

- Hey, have a sit, I made some pancakes.

John told me.

- Thanks, dad. I'm not hungry.

I answered, grabbing the cup and sipping on the hot coffee.

He nodded. His look was full of sadness.

- I can go with you if you want.

John said.

- No, that's fine, I'll be fine. You need to stay with Johnny, he may wake up soon.

- I will, don't worry. Josh, I'm with you. I know what you're going through, I've been there too. I know how much you loved her...

- Yeah, I can't stand the thought that it's the end. After today there's no going back. What if she changes her mind and wants full custody? I don't wanna loose my son, he's my everything...