The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

77. What the hell am I doin' here?

"When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I wanna have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
So fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run, run, run, run,
Run...

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doin' here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here..."

I sang straight from my heart. I was supposed to sing a short cover before the final song so that Anthony could take a sip of water. However, I was so out of it that I ended up singing the whole song. During the second verse Flea and Chad joined me and I think it sounded pretty good.
"This song was for you. You know who the fuck you are." I said through the microphone.
I was angry. I was angry at Mag. I was angry at myself. I didn't even wanna be there.
The audience was silent for a couple of seconds only to give me the biggest applause I've ever heard.
Anthony looked at me and smiled. Good. I thought for a second that he was gonna murder me.
"Well, that was beautiful." He told me and patted my back.
Tony then said goodbye to the audience and we could finally get the hell out of there.
I quickly gathered my things, took a couple more Valium pills and was about to leave the venue when I felt someone grab me by my arm and pull me back inside.
"You know who the fuck you are? Are you fucking insane? Maggie loves you and that's how you talk to her?" Clara yelled at me.
"She broke up with me, don't you remember?" I told her.
"She's just a stupid kid. You can't blame a 17 year old for being mentally unstable! Get yourself together."
"And I'm a guy who keeps getting dumped by all of the women he's ever loved! I know I've got many issues and what Maggie did doesn't help me at all!"
"I know."
"Can you let me go now? Please! I wanna go to sleep."
"No! All you do is sleep since this leg of the tour started! Today you slept until 4 in the afternoon and you went to bed at 8 last night!"
"I'm tired."
"I don't believe you. You look fucking high."
"What? I'm not high!"
"You can tell me, I'm not gonna tell John."
"I swear I don't do drugs, Clara. And I can't remember the last time I got drunk."
"Wanna get drunk with me tonight?"
"I'd rather go to bed..."
"No way, you already had a week's worth of sleep in the past 2 days! Come on, it's gonna be fun." She said and lead me outside.
We took a cab to a club that Clara found on Instagram. To be honest, I had no idea where we were. All of the shows were a blur to me. The only fact I remembered was Flea saying that we were in Brazil and that they speak Portuguese here.
We got to the club and I sat at the only free table I found while Clara ordered us drinks.
"What are you taking, dude? Your pupils are huge!" She asked me.
"Nothin'!"
"You're literally nodding off! Do you even know where you are?"
"No... I mean... Not really."
"I'm worried about you."
"I'm sick of people being worried about me."
"Look, I feel sorry for you because of how both Lilly and Maggie treated you. And I'm so fucking sorry for how I destroyed our relationship."
"I really don't wanna talk about it. I hate reminiscing about the past."
"What I wanted to say is that you've basically been hurt by all women in your life, starting with your mom. And that's really fucked up. You've gotta do something about it."
"You don't say. What do you propose? Should I start dating guys?"
"What? No! Only if you want to."
"No!"
Clara started to laugh.
"I was thinking about a therapist or a psychiatrist..."
"I tried that."
"And?"
"The guy prescribed me with great stuff."
"I fucking knew it! You're high on pills!"
I shook my head and finished my drink.
"Josh... I hate seeing you like this."
"Like what? I don't take too many. The side effect is that they make me sleepy. But other than that, I feel great."
"I'd like to believe you."
"Clara... You know how much I love you." I said.
"Just go and get me another pina colada." Clara chuckled and said.

Eventually two girls recognized me and Clara invited them to sit with us. I wasn't happy about it because I didn't feel like talking to them but I didn't wanna be a dick. It turned out that the girls barely spoke English and we had to mostly communicate through gestures. They were both wearing those slutty extremely short sequin dresses with very low necklines.
They wanted to take pictures with me for Instagram so I moved closer to the girl sitting next to me.
"I sit on you?" She whispered into my ear.
"What? Whoa, I don't know about that..." I replied.
She giggled and sat on my lap. Oh my fucking God, I swear I didn't want this to happen but I instantly got a boner. I prayed that she wouldn't feel my hard member pressing against her butt.
She kissed me on the cheek while her friend was taking pictures of us. I think that I smiled for the camera and wrapped my hand around her waist.
The rest of the night was a blur. I remember getting out of a taxi, someone walking me back to my room, undressing me and putting me to bed. It was a women, I could smell her hair as she laid down next to me.

I tangled my fingers into her hair and as I opened my eyes, I saw the girl I met at the bar. She smiled at me and kissed my lips. She tasted like a cherry lollipop and her full lips were so fucking soft... I made out with her as my hands wandered all around her body. She was still wearing that skimpy dress. I couldn't wait to get it off of her.
"What's your name, beautiful?" I asked her as we broke the kiss.
"Adriana." She replied and straddled me.
"I want you, Adriana." I said.
"I want you too, Josh." She told me and began slowly unzipping her dress, teasing me.
Adriana started rhytmically moving her hips, brushing against my hard cock. I loved the little striptease she gave me.
She had the biggest boobs I've ever seen. I hungrily kissed them, and sucked on her nipples.
Her boobs bounced up and down as she rhytmically rode me. I tangled my fingers into her hair and pulled her face closer to mine. As I made out with her, I placed my hand between her legs and began massaging her clit with my index finger.

I was about to climax when I heard Clara yell at me:
"What the fuck, Josh! You have a boner! Gross!"
I opened my eyes and sat up on the bed. I looked around to make sure that I indeed was in my hotel room. I was covered with sweat but weirdly enough, I was still wearing boxers. Adriana was nowhere to be found.
"Clara? What are you doing here? Where's Adriana?" I asked.
"Who the fuck is Adriana?"
"The girl from the bar?"
"They never told us their names."
"I'm sure she was here, she put me to bed and she slept with me..."
"It was me, you drunk. I brought you here and I slept in your bed. There was no Adriana."
"Thank God..." I said under my breath.
"What?" Clara asked, giving me a side eye.
"Well, I had a dream... A very real one..."
"You're nasty!"
"It's not like I can control my dreams, Clara!"
"I know. Let's go somewhere for breakfast, I'm starving." She said.
"I'm not hungry, you should go by yourself."
"When's the last time you've eaten something?"
"I don't know."
"You're losing weight again, you've gotta start eating! Come on, let's go!"
I finally gave in and we had some street food for breakfast.
"Is Anthony mad?" I asked her.
"No, I don't think so. He went out with my dad last night."
"So he's fine with you sleeping in my room?"
"Yeah, I guess so. He knows I'd tell him first if I wanted to hook up with you."
"I really don't understand the dynamics of your relationship." I told Clara and went back to my hotel room.