The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

79. I just need you like I've never done before

A couple days later I got a phone call during a rehearsal.
"Josh, it's Maggie." Clara said as she brought me my phone.
"Guys, can I take this?" I asked the band.
"Sure, boy. It's your chance." Flea told me and patted me on the back.
"Don't fuck this up!" Anthony yelled as I left the room.
I accepted the call and waited to hear Maggie's voice.
"Hello?"
"Hi."
"Josh, I'd... I'd like to thank you for the flowers."
"Oh, okay."
"That's not what you wanted to hear, is it?"
"Well, I expected to hear something along the lines of 'Josh, I'm sorry for acting like a total bitch' or 'Josh, I love you'."
"I do. And I'm sorry. I thought it was gonna make things easier for me..."
"For you... Did you ever think about me?"
"I'm not talking to you if you're gonna give me that attitude."
"I really don't wanna hurt you with my words because I still love you so fucking much but I've gotta say it, I can no longer keep it in. At first I thought that you breaking up with me didn't affect me, I didn't believe in it for a couple of days. But then it hit me like a fucking ton of bricks. I realized that I was dumped once again by another women in my life and I got so fucking depressed... I started getting high on pills. That photo with a fan, I don't remember it being taken because I was stoned out of my mind. That's why I said those horrible things about you during a show, I don't even know which one. For over a month I didn't know where I was, all I did was get high, sleep, get high, perform, get high afterwards and go to sleep again."
"What? I... No... I'm... Josh... I'm sorry."
"Thanks."
"Thanks? Josh, I had no idea. I didn't know it'd affect you so much... You're right, I didn't really think about you. I thought I was doing you a favor because you were free to sleep with groupies and have fun..."
"Well, at least you said you were sorry. I gotta go now, Mag. I'm in the middle of a soundcheck."
"Which song you're going cover tonight?"
"I don't know, I haven't thought about it. You'll see."
"Josh, I love you and I'm sorry for what I've done. I can't wait until I see you again."
"Cool." I said and hung up.

"Help, I need somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know I need someone, help

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody's help in any way
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me, get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I've never done before

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round
Help me, get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me"

I sang and walked off the stage.
All of my suitcases had already been packed for 2 days and waited for me to grab them and head to the airport.
"Josh, are you coming with us to celebrate the end of the tour?" Clara asked me.
I shook my head and walked right past her.
The flight seemed to take forever. I wanted to be home so badly... I was sick of people surrounding me all of the time and always wanting something from me. I dreamt of being left alone even just for a day or two.

I paid the taxi driver extra to help me carry my suitcases into my house. As soon as I locked the door, I kicked off my shoes and took off all my clothes. Then I took a pill, put Tom Petty's Wildflowers on, and got in a hot steamy bath. I must have fallen asleep as when I opened my eyes, the record was no longer playing and it was already dark outside.
I got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around my bony hips. I looked in the mirror and for the first time I noticed how thin I had gotten. I didn't take care of myself during the tour and I barely ate one meal a day. It no longer brought me joy, I ate just enough to survive.
I got on a scale and was horrified when I saw the display say 140 pounds.
The last time I was so thin was when I was addicted to cocaine and haven't spoken to John in a year.
I cried myself to sleep that night. I didn't have the energy to unpack and do the laundry, although I should definitely had done that before my clothes would become moldy.

I was suddenly awakened by a doorbell. The clock said 11 AM, which meant that I slept for 12 hours straight but I didn't feel rested.
I lazily walked downstairs and unlocked the door.
Maggie threw herself into my arms.
"Josh!" She screamed.
I should be happy to see her but I really wasn't. I didn't feel anything.
I noticed Christine standing behind Mag, holding a tray filled with cupcakes.
Maggie took my face in between her hands and started to cry.
"Oh my gosh... You look like a ghost. Josh I... I'm so sorry... It's all my fault..." She told me.
I cried like a baby, standing in the doorway and holding her.
"Help me, Mag..." I whispered into her ear.
"Hello Josh, it's good to see you." Christine told me.
"Hello." I replied, wiping away my tears.
They went inside and we all say together on the couch.
"Clara told me you should be home by now. When did you arrive?" Maggie asked me.
"Yesterday, I think." I replied.
"You think?" She asked.
"Yeah, it must have been yesterday." I told her.
"Are you feeling well, Josh?" Christine asked.
"Yes, I'm... I'm fine." I replied.
"You should have something to eat. John would have killed me if he knew I fed you cupcakes the first thing in the morning." Christine tried to make a joke but none of us laughed.
I hesitated but eventually reached for the cupcake. And it was the best cupcake I've ever eaten. Maybe because I haven't eaten anything in days and maybe because Christine was a great baker. I felt Maggie's eyes on me as I chewed on the cupcake.
I excused myself to use the bathroom and I couldn't help it but to notice the concern on Christine's face as she looked at my body.
"Honey, I think Josh needs our help. He looks like he's not been eating nearly enough." Christine told Mag.
"I know, mom. I'm scared. It's like I don't recognize him anymore. I'm scared that I ruined everything between us." Maggie told her mom.
"Don't cry, darling. Do you remember that song your dad used to play? It went like this: you can't hurry love, no, you'll just have to wait, just trust in the good time, no matter how long it takes." Christine said.
"Of course I do, mom. Okay, I guess I'll have to wait for Josh to fall in love with me again. I just hope he does..." Mag told Christine.
Hearing Maggie say those words broke my heart. I finally felt something after feeling numb for nearly a month.
I came running out of the bathroom and sat next to Mag. I took her hands in mine and looked her in the eyes.
"I love you, baby. Don't you ever think I don't love you anymore. You're the love of my life." I said softly.
She started sobbing.
"Do you really mean it?" She asked.
I nodded.
"Because you seem... Different." Mag said.
"I... I lost myself. But my feelings for you never changed." I admitted.
"Oh, Josh. I love you so much. I know I caused you hurt. I'm sorry for even thinking that you'd cheat on me, I was so stupid. I ruined our relationship."
"I'm willing to put all of this behind us and try again. But I need time. I've gotta get my head straight first."
"That makes me so happy!" Maggie said and kissed my cheek.
I smiled and put my hand on the back of her neck. I brought her face closer and kissed her beautiful plump lips.
The kiss didn't last long but it made my heart beat faster.
"I love you so fucking much." I said.
Maggie smiled, showing her perfect white teeth. Then I realized that Christine was still sitting next to us.
"I'm sorry, that probably wasn't appropriate." I said, fidgeting with the drawstrings from my sweatpants.
"To be honest, I never believed in the breakup. Both me and your dad, Josh, knew that it's meant to be." Christine smiled and said.