The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

80. Why can't we talk it over?

Maggie was sitting on my lap and caressing my cheek. To be honest, I think that she's lost a significant amount of weight too. I told her that she was the selfish one but I realized that I was selfish too in thinking that the break up didn't affect her.
"What did you mean by saying that you lost yourself?" Mag asked me softly.
"I don't wanna talk about it. I don't wanna ruin this perfect moment." I whispered into her ear and kissed the delicate skin on her neck.
As we made out, our hands explored our bodies.
"I missed your touch." I said.
"Did anyone else touch you when I wasn't around?" Maggie asked me.
"No. I'd never want anyone else but you." I told her.
Maggie smiled and kissed me passionately.
I touched her breasts and was about to lift her t-shirt up but I stopped. I couldn't do it.
"I'm sorry, it's too soon." I said.
"Okay." Maggie replied.
"I'm really sorry, I got carried away. I don't want to do it yet, although you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
"You've made me so horny, god." Maggie said and giggled.
"You're fucking perfect." I thought to myself.
"Thanks." Maggie replied.
I must have said it out loud.
"You really wanna start over, huh? Waiting for me to become tight like a virgin again?" Mag joked.
"That's not funny. I'm not in a mood, okay? My head is fucked up. I think I'm gonna stay with John for some time."
"But how long? I thought I was gonna see you everyday once you're back!"
"I'm sorry, I don't know."
Maggie got off of me and yelled:
"Stop saying you're fucking sorry!"
"What else do you want me to say?" I yelled back at her.
"I don't know."
"Yeah, exactly."
"Okay, I'll let you be. Just please, promise me that you'll get yourself together. I need my old Josh back." Mag told me.
"I will, I promise." I said and kissed her.

*

"Josh! Oh my gosh, I missed you so much!" Emily screamed and nearly knocked me down as she wrapped her arms around me.
"Whoa whoa, calm down! I missed you too." I told her and kissed her cheek.
As soon as I saw John, I started crying and I told him all about my pill addiction. He was very disappointed but he offered to help me.
"I'm a fucking failure. I feel sorry for you for having a son like me. I know you've got enough of problems of your own." I said to John when Emily went to bed and left the two of us alone.
"You're my main concern." John replied.
"Why can't I stop thinking about those stupid pills? They made me feel awful yet I want to do them all the time." I asked my dad.
"I don't know, I can't explain it. I couldn't stop shooting up even though my arms were infected and bleeding and I knew that it could be my last dose. You've gotta work towards your goals and spend all your energy on thinking about your future and what you want to achieve."
"I don't have any goals. And I hate thinking about the future. I don't care where I'll be in 20 years from now."
"Oh, don't you? Really? So you wanna be miserable like this?"
"No, I don't."
"That's something. You know that I'm not perfect. I've stayed abstinent for 3 or 4 years and then I started drinking again. And I'm having a great time getting drink with you and being silly. Over the years I've realized that alcohol is not bad for you if you don't drink it every single day and when it's not the only thing on your mind from the moment you wake up in the morning until you go to bed at night. As you know, addiction runs in our family. I'm a drug addict, my dad's a workaholic, his father was an alcoholic... Addiction is a brain disorder which means you'll never be totally cured. You'll always have to keep it in mind. But you can do it, you can be sober. You did so well when you first got together with Maggie. I think she's a great influence on you."
"You're right. I'll put in the effort to stay sober. I promise." I told John.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
"That makes me the happiest guy in the world." He said.

*

I spent the following 5 days living with John and Emily and I was so grateful to have them in my life. They made me smile all the time. We had many heartfelt conversations which reminded me of how much I could lose. I had so many people who loved me and cared about me in my life...
I noticed that my faced had filled up a little and I no longer had those huge bags under my eyes. This made me decide to finally contact Lilly and see my son. I didn't want him to see me at my worst, I needed to get better first.
Lilly didn't answer my calls so I decided to walk to her house and knock on the front door. I noticed her car was parked in the driveway so she must had been home.
To my surprise, it was her boyfriend who opened the door.
"Hey, Josh! What are you doing here?" He asked me with a big grin on his face.
"Can I talk to Lilly?" I asked.
"Yeah, come in, I'll get her." He replied and opened the door wider.
"No, no, thanks, I'll wait here." I replied, shaking my head.
"Are you sure? Okay, give me a second." He said and closed the door.
Soon he came back holding hands with my ex.
"What do you want?" Lilly asked me.
She was fuming with anger.
"I wanna see my son." I said.
"Are you fucking serious? You didn't give a fuck about John for 3 months and now you come here and want to see him?" Lilly scolded me.
"Yes, I want to see him. And that's not true, I thought about him every single day while I was away." I explained.
"Fuck you. You look like a fucking crackhead. You did drugs on tour, didn't you? Yeah, you fucking did. I know you. There's no way I'm gonna let John see you. You're a disgrace." Lilly yelled at me.
"I'm clean, I promise!"
"Oh yeah? Do you want me to talk to John about it? Does he know? I bet he's gonna be soooo proud of you!"
"John knows everything. Lilly, I didn't do drugs! I spent 5 days with John, you know he wouldn't let me!"
"You've been here for 5 days and you didn't come to see your son?!"
"Yes! I knew you wouldn't let me see him if I looked awful so I took a couple of days to sober up and gain some weight. I swear I'm being sincere and there's nothing I want more than to see my baby boy." I said and started crying.
"I knew you're using! What the fuck happened to you? You're irresponsible! And you're right, I don't want our son to see you like that."
"But Lilly... Please!"
"No."
"Lilly... I beg you. My mental health has been shit lately and seeing Johnny would make me so happy!"
"Honey, Johnny talks about Josh every day. He's been telling me everything he's planned to do with his dad when he comes back from the tour. I think you should let them spend some time together. Maybe Josh could pick him up from the kindergarten..." Steve suggested.
"Steve, stay out of it." Lilly told him.
"Please... I'll do everything you want me to, just let me see our son!" I pleaded with Lilly.
"I don't want you to be a bad influence on Johnny. He's not stupid, he's gonna notice something is wrong with you." She told me.
I covered my face with my hands and started crying hysterically. Then I turned around and walked away.
I could hear Lilly and Steve arguing but I didn't turn around to look at them.

I walked into John house, still crying. Emily immediately ran up to me and gave me a hug.
"I'm so sorry. You don't deserve it. You should be able to see your son." She told me.
"I deserve everything that's happened to me. I fucked up. I chose to use this fucking pills and I ruined everything." I said and started crying even harder.
"Everyone makes bad decisions. But no mistake is ever too great to recover. I'll talk to Lilly, she will change her mind eventually." Emily said and kissed my forehead.
"I feel like a fucking failure."
"You just toured across South America! Thousands of people came to see you every night and they loved you! You're not a failure!"
"They hated my playing and said mean things about me. Besides, I'm in the band only because my dad is the guitarist in the world. And more likely than not, I'm not actually his son."
"What? Why are you saying that?"
"Just look at me! I look nothing like him! Maybe my mom only told me John's my father because she knew he's wealthy and..."
"Shut up, Josh. That's bullshit. You're a spitting image of young John." Mi
"But Emily..."
"No, we ain't talking about that no more. How about Maggie, did you talk to her? She's got her driver's test tomorrow." Emily informed me.
"Of course I didn't, you know I'm a dumbass." I said.
I went to John's home studio to record a song for Maggie. I felt like it would be the best apology.
I sat behind the piano and recorded myself covering a Elton John song:

"What have I gotta do to make you love me?
What have I gotta do to make you care?
What do I do when lightning strikes me?
And I wake up and find that you're not there
What've I gotta do to make you want me?
Mmm hmm, what've I gotta do to be heard?
What do I say when it's all over?
And sorry seems to be a hardest word
It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's gettin' more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over?
Ohh, it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word..."

5 minutes after I sent her the video, Maggie called me.
"Josh, that was so beautiful! That was the sweetest thing someone ever did for me. I accept your apology. And I'm sorry too. I love you." She told me.
"I love you too. Listen, I'm sorry I didn't contact you for the last couple of days."
"That's okay, you took your time to heal. I hope you're feeling better? You look better already."
"Yeah, I'm better. Today I woke up and I felt like myself for the first time in a long time."
"That's amazing, Josh. When will we see each other?"
"I was thinking... How about we go out for a coffee tomorrow after your driver's test?"
"Oh, you know about that? Well, I'd love to but I can't. I've got a math test, I can't miss it if I'm gonna graduate early."
"And are you free after school?"
"Yup. I finish at 3."
"Great. I'll see you then, my darling."