The lost son ~John Frusciante and Josh Klinghoffer

86. You're a kid yourself

I laid down in bed next to Maggie and wrapped my arm around her.
"I love you so much, babe." I whispered.
"I love you too, Josh. Goodnight." Maggie replied and gave me a kiss.
I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep.

"Josh! Wake up!" I was awakened by someone yelling my name.
Wait a minute, I knew that voice.
I extended my arm to hug Maggie, but there was no sign of her. Then I opened my eyes and sat up on the bed.
"What the fuck?" I yelled.
"I've heard that! Watch your language!" The voice reprimanded me.
No fucking way. It was my room. I was in my fricking room. But it was my room back in Michigan. Yeah. I moved out of there when I was 17. I couldn't believe my eyes.

I pinched myself so hard that it left a huge bruise on my arm. It wasn't a fucking dream.
I got out of bed and searched for my backpack. I found a planner, in which I wrote all my ideas for songs instead of paying attention in class, and it all began to make sense.
I was 16. Holy shit.

I entered my bathroom and looked in the mirror. But it wasn't the face I was expecting to see. It felt almost as if it wasn't my face. My hair was short and curly and I had no facial hair. I looked like a baby. My cheeks were so chubby. Fucking hell.
Then I did the most ridiculous thing ever. I guess I wasn't thinking straight in that moment. I pulled my pajama pants down and looked at my dick. It was so fricking tiny. I barely had any pubic hairs at all. I almost forgot that I was a late bloomer.

I started to laugh and cry, not knowing what I should be feeling. My life was shattered. There was no Maggie, no John, no little Johnny...

"Joshua, if you're not ready in 5 minutes, you're gonna be late for school again. You better come here right now." The woman yelled.

It was my mom's voice. God, I haven't heard it in so long. She passed away when I was 18. So much had happened during those 6 years I had to live without her...
I put on a random pair of pants and a stained yellow t-shirt and ran out of my room.
"Mom? Mommy? Where are you?" I asked, looking for her all over the house.
"What's wrong? I was in the toilet. What do you need me for?" I heard from behind me.
I turned around and there she was. Anne. She was wearing her favorite brown dress. She hadn't lost her luscious blond curly hair yet.
I walked up to her and hugged her as hard as I could.
"I love you, mom." I told her.
"Aww, I love you too, Joshua. Come on, get your backpack and I'll drive you to school." My mom said.
"No, please. I don't feel well. Can I stay home today?" I asked.
"That's the second time this week. They'll kick you out if you won't start going to school." Mom explained.
"Please, mommy. There's... There's something I really wanna talk to you about."
"Oh, baby, can't it wait until dinner? Honey, I know that you're bullied and I'm so sorry. Trust me, those kids will regret it one day when they see who you've become."
"Mom, it's not about the bullies."
"You're going to school, if you want it or not. Come one, get in the car." She said and dragged me outside.
She pushed me inside the car and locked the door.
I kept looking out the window the whole drive there and didn't speak a word. I didn't care about school. I had to come back home and talk to her about John.

She dropped me off in the parking lot and went to work. I slowly walked inside the school building and was immediately hit with an anxiety attack.
"Hey, Klinghoffer, nice shirt. Did you get it from your mom's closet?" A boy yelled.
I remembered him. It was Timmy. He was one of my bullies.
I ignored him and made my way to my first class of the day, history.
I slept through most of the class, even though two idiots in the back kept throwing stuff at me.
I decided to skip the second class and hang out behind the school building.
I sat on the grass and took the planner out of my backpack. I began reading the song lyrics I wrote and cringed.

"Hey, you pussy. What are you doing here? You know it's my spot." A big kid yelled at me.
"I'm sorry. You can go ahead and sit here. I was about to get going anyway." I said and stood up from the ground.
That kid was so much taller than me. I was screwed.
"Where do you think you're going, you little bitch?" He yelled and grabbed the backpack I was carrying my on shoulder.
"Let me go!" I shouted.
He then punched me in the stomach. Ouch. I almost threw up.
"Nobody's gonna take my spot!" He yelled and grabbed me by my hair.
"What's wrong with you?" I said, trying to get away from him.
"Scumbags like you shouldn't be allowed to live. You're a piece of shit, Klinghoffer." He told me.
That was too much. I couldn't let him talk shit to me.
I punched him in the nose and kicked him in the balls. The bully winced and fell to the ground. I began kicking him...