Deviator

Verdict

2038
Clary

I have never been this close to The Wall before. I wish I could see it. I've always wanted to see it. But the cell has no windows. There is nothing but a tiny toilet and a couple of bunkbeds against the wall. It makes me wonder how many people they would cram together in these holding cells. I guess distancing isn't anything to worry about when you are waiting to be sentenced to death.

Sighing, I look up at the top of the stairs. Any minute now, someone will come and get me. It's not like I'm looking forward to standing in front of the council to get my verdict, but at least then I will be above ground again. It's dreadful not being able to see the sun. Or The Wall.

I saw it once, but that was before it was finished. During the time of The Outbreak. I'm told that the wall is much higher now, than back when it was first build.

Sitting on the bunkbed, I close my eyes and listen to The City, section C. It's much louder than I'm used to. Section A is always quiet. Dignified. I kind of like the sound of section C. It's more vibrant. Alive. Maybe if I had lived in this section, I wouldn't be here now. If I wasn't my father's daughter, things could have been so different for me. After all, being the Chancellors daughter isn't as great as it might sound like.

Sure, I get to live in a big house with beautiful flowers, dine on actual plates with real food, take long baths and wear clean clothes. I know that is not how life in section C is. And I shouldn't complain. They have it a lot worse than me.

But no matter how much privilege I've been given, it can't erase the fact that I have never been allowed to think or act for myself. My father always made sure I understood that I was a role model for others. Women would look up to me and use me as an example for the correct behavior.

Maybe it doesn't sound all that bad, but for me it felt like torture. I saw other people at my age grow up and fall in love. I never did. Not really. From I was 17 until now, I've been living in a charade of a life. Everything was always about what other people saw. Not what I wanted out of life, no... My life didn't matter. My choices were considerate frivolously. Over a decade I suffered in silence. Followed the orders that was given to me... Until the day where I just didn't.

Even though it is the sole reason I am in this holding cell right now, I still can't help but smile from the memory. It was the happiest I had ever been. It doesn't matter that I only got to feel his skin under my fingers and nothing more. It was still glorious.

To be honest, it wasn't that big love connection like I used to read about when I was younger. We weren't soulmates. I'm not even sure we were in love. But we were living in the moment.

As every other person who was a kid when the Virus came, I am a virgin. Any sexual encounter is forbidden. The risk of infection is too great. Or so they say. We aren't even allowed a single touch, or a kiss from a loved one. No, abstinence is the only thing allowed in our new world.

Even when you want to be a parent, you don't get to be pregnant. No, if you are lucky, you'll be able to donate your eggs and semen and then the fertility doctors will create the child in an incubator. You'll be able to watch it grow through a screen and then when its viable, you'll get to hold it. But only with gloves on. The special gloves created for the sole purpose of parenting.

Not everyone is allowed to have a child. If you want children, you'll be evaluated at the ProCreation center, to see if you are fit to be a parent. And I've heard it's tough to get accepted. Not many people get their license to procreate.

The sudden sound of metal grinding against metal sends discomforting tremors through my body. They are coming for me now.

"Clary Morgenstern!"

I stand up and grab the metal bars. The protector walks down the stairs with the shackles dangling from his hand.

"Turn around and put your hands behind your back."

His bleak voice reminds me of my father. The way he spoke to me the day he caught me touching another human.

Slowly I turn around. The cold metal wraps around my wrists and are closed with a quiet click. I'm powerless against the system. It isn't like I can fight my way out of here. And even if I do, where should I go? The creatures rule the earth outside these walls. No one can survive out there. We haven't seen a single survivor for years.

"Walk!"

The protector pushes me forward towards the stairs, and I stumble a couple of steps before I get my balance back. 

When we reach the top of the stairs, a long hallway leads the way to the council. And against the wall on both sides of the hallway, stands the protectors with their weapons drawn. Just in case I decide to make a run for it.

I walk down the hallway with my head held high and the fear tucked away deep down inside me. it's not the time to show fear. I won't give them that satisfaction. But when I walk in and see my father sitting amongst the council, my heart stops beating. I thought he wouldn't be present. That it was a conflict of interest. But there he is. On the other side of the table. Will he fight for my freedom, or will he sentence me to death?

"Clary Morgenstern, you have been convicted of breaking The First Obligation. How do you plead?"

My father's voice keeps ringing in my ears. Is that it? Is he just treating me like any other criminal? Is that what I am to him now?

"Miss Morgenstern, we will be needing an answer." One of the other councilmen speaks up. I can see that some of them are uncomfortable with the situation. But why wouldn't they be. If the chancellor's daughter isn't safe, then why should any of them be.

I keep my chin up as I stare directly into my father's eyes.

"I plead guilty."

For a second it seems like my words affects him. Maybe he does care? But any emotion I might have seen are gone just as fast.

"Alright. The council condemns you to be banished to the Wasteland tonight at sundown. Any last words?"

With all the hatred I can master, I glare at my father. I won't give him the satisfaction of begging for my life. He doesn't control me anymore. No matter what, I'm finally free from his tyranny.

"Apparently not..." The chancellor mumbles before giving instructions to the Protectors. "Take her down to her holding cell."

Before the protector can grab my arm, I walk out on my own. I have accepted my faith. Even though it's the last thing I do, I do it be my own free will. Lastly, I have claimed my life - and my death - to be my own.