Break down

114 11 7
                                    

Jace
2039

We have to physically drag Alec screaming and kicking back to the Hostel

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We have to physically drag Alec screaming and kicking back to the Hostel. I can't believe he went out to get himself killed on purpose! That stupid fuck! Did he think I wouldn't find out? I'm so angry I can barely remain in my role as a leader.

"LET GO OF ME!" Alec screams and tries to get out of Simons grip. This time I lose it. We are right outside our perimeter, and I can't hold it back anymore. Screw keeping up appearances as a calm and collected leader.

"SHUT UP, ALEC!!! YOU ARE SO FUCKING SELFISH! AND IMMATURE! DON'T YOU EVER THINK ABOUT WHAT YOUR ACTIONS DOES TO THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU?!!" I clench my fist as I yell. I have put up with him and his sulking for years, and yes, I know he has suffered, but so have everyone else. "Did you seriously think I wouldn't figure out why you left? I knew the second I saw the empty box from your gun!"

Alec glares at me with something resembling hatred burning in his eyes. But right now, I hate him too. If he killed himself, he wouldn't just hurt me as his brother. He would hurt this community by robing them from one of their best hunters. He would make Simon blame himself for letting Sebastian go. He would break Lydia's heart.

"You are not the only one who is hurting! I've lost people I love too! And so has everyone else!" I try to stop myself, but I can't, and the words just burst out of me. "Stop making yourself a goddamn victim all the time!"

I take a deep breath. I can see a struck a nerve. It was a low blow and I know it. But I'm too angry to apologize even though I know I should.

"Just lock him in his room or something. I can't look at him right now." I march into my lab and slam the door. I'm so furious that I'm almost crying. He is such a prick sometimes.

Once inside, I lash out. I scream as I push everything of the table and slam my fist into the wall. My actions are firing up a similar anger in Jakob, who I have locked into one of my cells. He begins to growl and throw himself against the bars. But I just ignore it. It isn't like it's something new. Right when he turned, he did that all the time.

sigh as I finally notice what a mess I've made. Grabbing the broom, I begin to sweep it up. The monotone work actually calms me down. And once the anger disappears, the logical side of my brain takes over with a bunch of questions.

Was it really Magnus he saw? I mean, we could only see his eyes, so how can he be sure? If it actually was Magnus, how did he survive the bite? And how did he end up in The City? Did Sebastian know he was there? And then finally the last question that takes over every thought in my mind.

Will Alec ever forgive me?

****

The lab has never been cleaner. Once I found out that cleaning calms me down, I began cleaning everything. Now I'm writing down the questions I have about Magnus. I'm going to try a make a hypotheses once I know a little more. If Magnus truly survived a bite, then maybe he is a part of the solution...

An almost silent knock sounds at the door.

"Yes...?" I'm not completely sure there is anyone out there, but slowly the door opens, and Alec stands right outside. Writhing his hands.

"Jace... Can I come in?"

"Uhm... sure..."

I put my notes away. I don't want Alec to see them. Not yet.

"I just... I want to... um..." I can tell he is struggling with finding the right words. "I just want to say I'm sorry for leaving... For being so difficult and selfish..."

I know that can't have been easy for him. He hates apologizing. Especially to me.

"I won't say it's okay, Alec. I can't. Because it will never be okay for me, that you try to kill yourself."

"I know... and I really am sorry..."

"Thank you." I walk over and hug him tight. "And I want to say sorry too. I shouldn't have said the things I did..."

Alec doesn't respond. I can tell he is struggling to not break down. He doesn't do emotions well.

"Are you sure it was Magnus?" I ask quietly.

"Yes... I would recognize those eyes anywhere..."

I'm still not convinced, and I can tell that Alec knows.

"It is him. I know it is."

"Alright. I believe you..." I believe he is convinced its Magnus, but my brain can't comprehend how Magnus can be alive. It doesn't make sense. "But don't go do something reckless, okay?"

"I can't promise that."

"Alec..."

He interrupts me before I can say anything else.

"I'm not doing this again." My brothers determined eyes stare right at me. "I'm not letting someone I love stay inside the city when I know what they do to people!"

"I understand..." It's not like I'm completely thrilled by the thought of going on a rescue mission to The City, but if there is anything these last few years have thought me, it is that Alec love Magnus more than anything and that he will never stop trying to get him back, now that he knows he is alive. If it was him, of course...

"I'm not kidding! Don't try to..." his rambling stops, and utter surprise is painted on his face. "Wait... did you... did you just say you understand? You are not going to stop me?"

"No, I'm not going to stop you." I grab his shoulder and squeeze it. "You are my brother. My everything..." I sigh as I continue. "I know I haven't been there for you in the past, but this time.... This time I will be. I'm coming with you. We are getting your man back."


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