Time Through Time We Remain Untamed.

CHAPTER 40: PARTED WAYS

   Disclaimer
This chapter was honestly one of the hardest I have ever written. It went through a lot of revisions and I was really reluctant to write it but alas here it is. Feel free to cry and be an emotional wreck... I recommend reading this with very heart breaking songs on.. Get into your feels. I was listening to various kdrama osts and sad songs to really get into this mood and I hope you enjoy.

     The darkness that settled within Wuxian's heart was immeasurable. He had lost all will to try and keep up with the seemingly routine-structured lifestyle with the incoming lifelessness that he was experiencing. He holed himself up in his room; the isolation his only comfort. He wasn't himself anymore and couldn't express whatever he was feeling. There was no way to put it in words, no way to describe the hopelessness. He was now off the cliff, free falling and didn't know how far or when he'd hit the ground or how big the impact would be. Honestly, at this point, Wuxian had completely given up. He had no energy left to fight against the forces. They wanted and made him out as the bad, disgusting guy then he would be the bad disgusting guy. Why bother trying to make yourself out when the crowd wanted you to be another?

       School was a no go as he literally vanished from the face of the earth. Even his shadow couldn't be made out. One of the main reasons was that he was currently on sick leave from the doctor's. His headaches had become severe over the days some even turning into migraines and would sometimes black out for a few minutes. It had all began after this whole incident started and now he had to take  few pills every time he felt the pressure rise. The other reason really was that he was simply hiding. Running away as most would dare criticise..... but so what? What else could he do? Who could he turn to? Who could he lean on? Who could steer him clear when the person who was his clarity was also the person he was going to hurt the most? Who was to blame? Who was supposed to bear the consequences and pain? Who could hold the other? Who had been wrong to fall for the other? Who?

There were numerous questions, numerous emotions, numerous soul-crushing forces that left him insane..... On the edge.... on his knees so all he could do was fucking run and keep running because that was all that made fucking sense! Noone had the right nor the power to point fingers at him and judge him at all because Lord knows that he hated himself more than anything else in the world so much so that even the thought of killing himself had risen several times, and though he did his best to shun such ideas...... the pull was slowly beginning to grow within.

          Lan Zhan felt the most unrest he had ever felt in his life. His whole world was unsteady and the one who held him up was nowhere to be seen. Ever since their fight, he had trouble getting into his zone. He couldn't focus, he couldn't think well and his heart was somewhat heavy. He had never argued with Wuxian like that before and it left a bad taste in his mouth. He had immediately shown up the next day to apologise, make up... do anything to fix this and go back to normal only to find Wuxian's absence and that continued for several days. The gap was growing wider and deeper and they were growing further apart.

     Eventually, he couldn't stand it anymore, Wuxian wasn't answering his texts or calls and clearly he was doing this on purpose for whatever messed up reason. He had to see him and they had to talk no matter what. This was ending today.

   It seemed ages since the last time Lan Zhan had been over at the Jiang's place. It was empty as usual, the eerie silence on the bright sunny day a miscontrasting match and mood. He let himself in, heading straight towards Wuxian's room where he knew he would be. There was no escape today. Let's finish this once and for all.

An uncanny feel of air surrounded him as he walked up the stairs and it was evident that he was nervous. He didn't know what was going to happen and though he hoped for the best, the disturbing hold in his gut stated otherwise. He knocked twice before entering only to find it empty. Upon closer inspection, he heard the clear sounds of Wuxian in the shower so he decided to just wait. He sat on the bed, looking around the room he had been in many times and seemed relatively the same. The door to the shower eventually opened and out of the steam filled room, stepped out his soulmate Wei Wuxian.