What happen if Chief Phupa didn't meet Tian at the airport?
What if Chief Phupa realized his mistake after Tian go?
How will it be if Tian is broken hearted and disappointed with Chief?
This is how I imagine the story for Tian, despite his love for...
I've kept saying that to my own self for a while now, but my feet seems to froze at this stand and my eyes can't stop looking at him.
I miss him so much.
How I wish, I could grab him and keep him in my arms till forever.
But I can't...
I know if I walk in, and meet him... I wont be able to let him go again. He need to go and live his life, I have no right to ask him to stay.
All of his letters were what keeping me alive since the days he'd left, but I don't have the guts to write back, cause I can't afford to keep him linger.
Last glance, and I breathe in all of my Tian and capturing every single details in my memories.
Live your life Tian.
I love you and my heart is always gonna be yours... it will never change.
***
Back at Pha Pan Dao, I put myself all out on my work.
I am making plans to strengthen the security of my area. I wouldn't allowed my territory to be the route for any drugs, smugglers or any other illegal activities.
The thought of almost losing my Tian to those thugs always riles me up, and I will not let that happen again. Never, not in my watch.
Today, I received another letter from Tian, he is leaving in few days to further his study in New York. I am glad he is now moving forward, but I can't lie it's hurts and I misses him so much.
But it's what needed to be done.
"Ai Phu... busy much?" I glance at my office entrance and saw Doc leaning at the door.
"What do you want Doc? I'm busy" He ignore my comment and continue to walk inside my office and shoving his face in front of my working table.
"You really do not care for Tian anymore Phu?" Again, Doc gonna try to make some sense on this matter.
"Because I care, that I have to do this Doc..." for the hundredth of time I repeat the same statement to Doc.
"But Tian do not seem to agree and he seems to be really hurting Phu." He said.
"What do you mean?" hearing Tian hurt makes me worry.
"You should've seen his face when he realized you'd left the reception before he arrive Phu, I swear it look so much worst than when he was captived by those thugs" Doc explain.
Now I felt another guilt pinched in my heart, in addition to what I already feels all this long.
Did I push him too much?
I know how stubborn he is, so I need to be the strong one and make him do the right thing.
"He will be hurt now, but one day he will realize this is the best decision." I said.
"The best decision for who Phu? In my eyes, you do not seems happy... Nong Tian look much worst in the city than when he was here." Doc continue to justify.
"It is done Doc, he will be leaving for New York to further his studies. I am glad he is continue living his life and moving forward."
"And you gonna let him leave without assuring him how much you love him?" I stare at Doc because I know he is right.
"Looked Phu, you don't need to act tough with me. I know you. You are not the same when you were with him. I can see he is the one for you." He muttered, and then with a smirk he continue.
"Huh... you became soft whenever Tian is around despite how strict and fierce you are. And let me get this straight, you gonna lose him for good if you keep this charade. Yes, I understand your logic in pushing him to live his life. But why can't his life includes you. Why can't you make the relationship works around with whatever you think is best for him? Why do you need to push him away? And don't give me all the bullshit of how rich he is and how poor you are... " Doc continue to bombard me with his hard fact question and I must admit it's making me feels like a loser.
"He makes it clear how he feels about you Phu. But you keep pushing him away, when you also feels the same. Love means nothing if the other party do not know it Phu. I won't be surprise if Tian gonna hate you Phu. You make it seems like he is begging for your love with this kind of treatment. And trust me my friend, once he gave up and losing hope. You gonna begging for him to come back but it will be too late by than."
That night, all Doc words keep lingering in my mind.
I have to admit Doc was right. Why can't I make it work with Tian?
Doc made it with his wife with the long distances, works and all, and they seem happier than ever.
I know he is the only one for me.
It's either Tian or nobody.
Today, is Tian flight for New York, I know I have to meet him and let him know that I am here for him.
I was preparing to leave so that I can meet Tian at the airport when...
"Chief, we got emergency at Tower B" my walkies talkies makes a sound.
Gosh seriously of all the time...
I look at my watch and hope that whatever this is, it can be settled in 1 hour. I rush getting my gear and move to the location.
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I am too late.
I missed Tian flight.
He left.
And I have not told him how much I love him and that I'll be waiting for him no matter how long it takes.
I look blankly at the display board and feels empty.
I really fuck this up.
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- Next few weeks, I received a letter from Tian and I am over the moon. But all goes back to the ground when I read it.
Doc was right, Tian gave up on me.
I've made him loose hope. I didn't do anything to show him that I cherish his feelings for me.
I've lost him... my Tian.
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Hi, I hope you like Chief Phu side of story. Yeah I know he kinda stupid and unknowingly hurt our Tian.
