A Tale of 1000 Stars II (The Alternate Story)

Chapter 35

Phupha

I am glad seeing Tian awake and his face now look much better. His pale faces was really making me losing my mind.

I was still traumatized with the fact that Tian saw Waan kissing me. I can't even imagine how myself will react if I was at his place. The other party might be dead by now if it ever happen.

But Tian... He manage to punish me the way that he know will hurt me the most.

Which is ignoring me.

His first words in regards of me, was asking me to leave. I know I deserve every bit of his angst right now.

Still. I am thankful because he didn't forced me to leave.

I am going to be what ever Tian wanted me to be. I know this time, nothing I can do to change my mistake with what had Tian been through.

I sit. Waiting. My heart is thumping hard every time I look at his body while he was still unconscious. I don't know what I will do if anything ever happen to him and the last thing that he saw was...

I grab my hair out of my own frustration.

Doc Nam just left, and I am facing with Tian's back. I wouldn't dare to touch him.
I am going to stay still and be grateful to still have him right in front of my eyes. I rearrange his blanket, he seem to be back to sleep as of now.

I just silently watching the love of my life, thankful again and again that he is still right here.

I know he must be hating me at this moment, witnessing with what happen with Waan this morning.

And I admit, I am guilty.

But it wasn't because I enjoy it and willingly to let it happen. Because I am a coward, who again fails to reject Waan. I sincerely seeing Waan as my sister like I was with Torfun, once she return to Pha Phan Dao.

I am to blame because I am too afraid to let her feelings down.

I am never good with relationship and/or dealing with human entirely. I know I've not been easy.

I guess, that's why I always opt for a fling kind of relationship, because I knew how bad I am.

Tian changes everything. He makes me want to be in a relationship.

No.

He makes me long to have one, but only with him.

And there's more, he makes me... hopeful.

Thus, I froze as I always contemplating my next move when confronting with the other party. But with Tian, my feelings was definite, I know he was my forever.

And how I've failed him once when I was asking him to leave.

And I did it again, when I neglect his feelings as I'm not dealing with Waan as how it should be.

The image of Tian walking away this morning coming back freshly in the surface of my mind.

His sad... ashen face... stricken with hurt and defeated.

he memory is unwelcome. Painful.

I made him miserable. He must be suffering with his thought for the past three days since I've been away. And it fills me with despair.

I shift my seat on his bed side. The atmosphere feels stifling, and though I'm trying to remain calm, the anticipation and anxiety are knotting in my stomach and pressing down my chest. I can't barely breathe, because I still don't know how our relationship going to be.

Closing my eyes, I rest my head at the back of the chair, I try to center myself, but I'm confronted by my deepest, darkest fear:

What if Tian decides that I am not worth it?