Maybe, probably | Hwang Hyunjin

𝟚𝟚

The loss of a loved one has always been the hardest thing to experience. Sometimes, parting ways with someone who's still alive, hurts more than with the ones who died. Sometimes, maybe not always.

He lost his sister. She's still alive, but what hurts him the most is that he's not being able to see her or even hear her voice. He lingers on the memories of her, hoping that one day he will be able to embrace her in his arms again, hoping to get a chance to hear her say his name.

She never called, texted or anything. Seungmin said that their parents forbade Hyunjin from seeing her, after what happened. They blame him for agreeing and supporting their relationship and marriage idea, without telling them and causing all of those misfortunes to happen.

He lived in pain, for months, away from everyone. Away from his family, his friends, hidden deep behind these walls, that he calls his home. Coming out of them as a bright boy who seems to have no worries in his life at all. What a lie.

"Fix it, please." he begged me, his arms wrapping tighter around me as he spoke. "What?" my voice cracked. "Me."

He's not the villain of this story. He's just a boy.

"Everything's gonna be fine.." I said, caressing his hair. "I promise." giving promises that I might never be able to keep is painful.

But seeing him, all curled up on the floor, seeking comfort in my arms, hurts me even more than I thought it could.

"I'm... It's-It's like torture." his voice was strained, hardly even a whisper. "I think I'm losing it-I don't know what's happening, what happened, I miss her so much.. and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I could do out of anger or what this pain could cause. Please.. you have to tell me.. tell me I'm not crazy.. Because I don't think I can fight this, at all."

"Then we fight, together." I said, as he kept sobbing harder with each sentence he spoke. "It hurts." he said.

"I know.. I really do." unfortunately no matter how much I wanted to comfort him with my words, I couldn't. My mind was blank, not knowing what to do in this kind of situation at all.

He then decided to break the hug, turning back to the bed and the photos as he wiped his tears with the sleeves of his hoodie.

"I've lost everything I loved," he took one of Yeji' photos out of the pile. "And that has been my lesson to make sure I never love again."

.

🎶 ⁿᵉᵘˡ ᵐᵉᵒˡˡⁱˢᵉᵒ ʲⁱᵏʸᵉᵒᵐᵃⁿᵇʷᵃˢˢʲʸᵒ

ⁿᵃᵉ ˢᵃʳᵃⁿᵍⁱⁿ ᵍᵉᵒᵗ ᵍᵃᵗᵃˢᵉᵒ ᵍᵉᵘᵈᵃᵉ 🎶
.

His head turned to me, his red, puffy eyes meeting mine, which weren't any better than his. "I didn't wanna fall in love, not at all." he said, new wave of tears forming in my eyes, as well as his.

"But at some point, you smiled," he averted his gaze back to the photos. "And, holy shit, I blew it."

"But now that I look at you," fresh tears went down his cheeks. "I only see the way I'm hurting you, by wanting to love you."

.

🎶 ᵍᵃᵗᵉᵘⁿ ᵐᵃᵉᵘᵐⁱⁿ ʲᵘˡ ᵃʳᵃˢˢʲʸᵒ

ᵈᵃʳᵉᵘⁿ ᵍᵒˢᵉᵘˡ ᵇᵒᵃˢˢʲⁱᵐᵃⁿ 🎶
.

"What..are you trying to say?" I asked confused by what he meant by that.

"I'm a coward, Y/n." he whispered, as I prayed that he won't do anything close to what I thought he was trying to do.

.

🎶 ᵇᵃʳᵃᵐᶜʰᵉᵒʳᵉᵒᵐ ⁱ ᵐᵉᵒⁿʲⁱᶜʰᵉᵒʳᵉᵒᵐ 🎶
.

"I'm sorry because I can't love.." he started, moving away from me. "Don't you dare say that! Don't!" I begged.

"I'm not brave enough to love you after seeing what my love caused for you. It hurts a lot, but it's true.." with two sentences, he broke us.

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🎶 ʲᵃᵖʰⁱʲⁱᵍᵃ ᵃⁿʰᵃ; ᵇᵒⁱʲⁱᵃⁿʰᵃ 🎶
.

"Please go now." after a few moments of silence, he gestured towards the door, wanting to get me out of his sight. "I hope we don't cross our paths in the future." hurting me with each word spoken.

I just nodded, each time, biting my lower lip just so I don't completely break down, giving him the insight of how much this hurt me.

.

🎶 ᴿᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ

ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ 🎶
.

He didn't mean it, I know he didn't. Or I just helplessly hoped he didn't.

It breaks my heart to ask why did you bring us so far if we were destined to fall apart..?

.

🎶 ˢᵃʳᵃⁿᵍⁱⁿ ʲᵘˡ ᵐⁱᵈᵉᵒˢˢᵍᵒ

ᵘⁿᵐʸᵉᵒⁿᵍⁱʳᵃ ᵇᵘˡˡᵉᵒˢˢʲʸᵒ 🎶
.

I slowly raised myself off the floor, using the end of the bed as my support. He stayed down, looking anywhere else, but in my direction.

Taking in his features, one last time, I walked away. I was walking. Out of his room. Out of his house. And, out of his life. I was taking those heavy steps, which I didn't imagine encountering this soon.

.

🎶 ᴿᵉᵐᵉᵐᵇᵉʳ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ

ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ʸᵒᵘ 🎶
.

Never trust the sun, it will always burn you, they said.

When someone is not meant for you, the Universe will trigger them to mess up, like hurt you or disappoint you until you get the message to release them, they said.

And sometimes, you just get a lesson, instead of expectations.

Leaving the doorstep of his home, I set my way towards the apartment I'm staying at, not bothering to go meet the rest of them at Chan's. I simply don't have the courage to meet their eyes and lie to them telling them everything's fine, or telling them the truth either.

I needed time, time alone, away from everyone and everything.

.

🎶 ᵍᵉᵘᵈᵃᵉ ⁿᵘⁿᵈᵒⁿᵍʲᵃ ˢᵒᵍᵉ

ⁿᵃᵉᵍᵃ ˢᵃˡᵍᵒⁱˢˢⁿᵉᵘⁿᵈᵉ 🎶