alone again / Finished BxB /

this is a parting letter

I hear the door slam shut and i let myself fall on my bed. The moment my face hits the pillow i felt extremely tired. I get knocked out in a matter of secconds.

I wake up with a huge headache and all i could remeber were some peoples faces and a some guy with bleached hair and dean who was in my apartment that night and me calling him gorgeous.

Maybe i shouldnt have drank this much but who cares anyways. I always have headaches even if i dont drink anything.

Its raining outside and a bit foggy outside, Perfect depressed weather i would say. The depressing thoughts are coming back faster then i thought. Maybe were all staying alive just to see that in the end our lives we knew after all we did we will be forgotton maybe 2 or 3 generations down.

Maybe keeping a notebook with you and writing down everything can keep you memorable. Or maybe you got to do something so insane to be in the history books.

I know my girl always had a weird fear of being forgotton. She always wanted the world to know her forever.  But with a lot of drinks and weed i still know i cant forget her maybe she will be remebered forever.

She was like a ray of sunshine. A good cup of coffee in the morning. No thats not right maybe something more sweet. She was like the best dessert that there was. Maybe the dessert wasnt that pretty or perfect but it was so amazig that you would think about it even a few days later.

We were both wrong in this relationship. Maybe it was her not being good enough or maybe it was the death changing me for the worse.

My future is short anyways so getting mad over her leaving isnt going to change that fact.

Whats worse then being depressed af is being alone. Even if u push them away in everyway you can you still dont want to be alone. Cuz when u die nobody is effected and maybe u need people to have a reason to stay alive.

I just got dean as my reason right now. I know he doesnt value his life just like me. Maybe he isnt depressed and wants to go but he wouldnt mind it, he made peace with dying a long time ago.

I suddenly remeber that the blond guy took my fucking jacket. I look for it around the apartment and still couldnt find it . There wasnt anything in it anyways but i want it back.

I check my phone to see if i got his number in my phone but i dont see it. I guess i never asked for it. I text dean to ask if he got it by any chance.

Me : This blind guy took my fucking jacket with her .
Dean : i fucking knew you had a jacket on before.
Me : youre right man, do you got his number imma text this guy for my jacket back.
Dean : do you mean the blond haired guy.
Me : yeah idk his name though
Dean : yeah sure ill ask xiever (blond guy btw).
Me : yeah thanks.
 
I go to the bathroom and just blast some depressed music. perfect for the depressing music. I always found  it so cheesy to play these type of songs but who cares anyways.

Alien blues starts playing in the backround. Whats even more embarrassing then playing the song is singing along with it. But im alone in this shit room and just sing with it.

The song sounds depressed but mad at the same time. I guess thats the way i feel sometimes. Maybe a asshole like me cant be happy because i dont deserve it. Thats what my girl said to me when she left.

I roll up a blunt and open the tiny window in the bathroom. My neighbors are going to complain about the smell again even tho they smoke cigs every fucking day and i got to deal with that.

The white titled bathroom is now a creamlike color. This apartment wasnt really the newest when i got it from my parents so the titles lost their pure color . But i like it this way it feels more home like. Less imperfect like me in some weird way.

The fake wooden floors are great too but to pure and new for my taste . I like imperfect things, like i said it reminds me of myself. I should like a huge bitch but i dont care.

After im done smoking and the music stopped playing after a few songs i got up and went to the small and messy livingroom with a kitchen in it and dining room in one.

It isnt much but its mine and im alone here anyways so who cares. Because my parents kind off just abandoned me and felt slighly bad i dont have to pay for the rent so thats fine i guess.

The job at the supermarket isnt paying much but i can get food from it and drinks and drugs. I dont eat much anyways.

I hear a sound that my phone got a message.

Dean : i asked xiever for and he said you should ask him yourself or some shit idk man. His number is *********.
Me : sure ill ask him i want my jacket back.

I message the number dean send me. I dont know why xiever wants me to ask him myself but its fine i guess.

Me : hey its dash can you bring back my jacket that i gave to you yesterday. I can get it myself if you want too , thanks

I dont wanna have a whole conversation with him. I remeber him staring at me the whole night yesterday and fuck no im not getting into beef rn i dont even know if i talked to him.

I take out some leftover pasta with red sauce and put it in the microwave. And then i heared a new message pop up again.

Xiever : i got your jacket , i wanted to give it to you yesterday but you were drunk and already left . Can i come over rn ?
Me : yeah sure i live at ************ thanks.

I am glad i dont need to get it myself because i wasnt looking forward to doing that.

I hear the microwave sound that its done. I get it out and wait for the pasta to cool down a bit so i wont burn my mouth.

It looks disgusting and i bet it taste even more horrible. Ill just drink it down with something strong and eat it fast so i dont taste it. Maybe the type of food i eat right now is also just taking off years from my future. The weed i smoked earlier is also making me more hungry then ever.

I hear the doorbell ring and open the door. Xiever got his bleached hair half up half down . He still got the same piercings in as yesterday but he got a thicc silver necklace around his neck and rings on his index finger,  thumb and on his other hand 2 on the ring finger and on his pink. He has good hands and i will admit it.

Hes wearing a grey tshirt and some black shorts under it . He looks good and even smells better. He looks like he got his shit together in some way. Maybe he does have his shit together i dont know him.

He hands me the jacket he was holding and walks in. Hes inviting himself into my home but i wont stop him. There random clothes around the room and some towel around a chair and a few drinks around and some other stuff. I am to lazy to stop him anyways.

He looks around the place but he doesnt judge me for the mess. I am not thinking  of my one rule right now. What people cant see they cant judge.

"What are u eating , i smell something bad af" xiever says and i look at my disgusting pasta. "You eat this !??!?!" He asks me horrified. " i got to eat" i say and shrug my shoulders. He looks at me shocked and then down to the pasta. I understand why so i dont care.

He takes the pasta and trows it away before i could stop him. "WTF MAN???" i am mad but it was a shit dinner anyways but take out is to expensive. "Im not even letting a stray dog eat that" he says and then cleans some other dishes that were laying around. He acts like he owns the place.

I need food but i dont have any money left. Its the end of the month and money is running dry. "Give me money for the pasta" i demand him. Fuck this imma get beef with him im hungry. "Lets just go to a restaurant in the city its my treat" he says and i give him a pissed off look but still agree.

I need food in my system and he just trew away my dinner . If he wasnt going to pay me i might just eat that shit out of the trashcan i dont care at the moment.

i hopee you like this chapterrrr. I feel like he would say something like "my future is short" instead of life. I feel like he fits that vibe more :)))) okaaaay thats it