alone again / Finished BxB /

pills.

Xaviers pov :

We were on our way back to our house. Everytime i say our house i still get the stupid butterflies in my stomach.

We obviously both had a tiny bit to much to drink but its fine because we took a cab. Dash put his head on the car window and i stared at his every move.

I dont know why but i had the strong urge to tell him that i loved him. Maybe it was the way he looked or the way i never loved someone this much before.

When dash looked at me i mouthed the words i love you to him and he did back. I give him a gentle smile and stare at dash while he is still resting his head on the glass.

The next thing i see was a bright light approaching us. I didn't realise what was happening at first. A loud car honks echoes trough my ear and that moment i realised. The truck is about to hit dash his side.

The next thing i knew was a loud ringing sound in my ear and blood on my hands ans face. It was painfull but it wasnt my first priority. I try and unbuckle my seatbelt and run to dash who is laying on the ground.

He will make it i tell myself, but i knew wasnt going to. The amount of blood and i could see in his eyes that he wasnt here but somewhere else.

I dont remeber what i said to him or what he said to me but all i could remeber was his cold bloody hands on my face.

I remeber crying and screaming and wishing they would take me instead of him. Why didnt i sit on that side? I couldve been the one instead of him.

I remember the moment he died. He had a smile on his face. It wasnt a big smile it was tiny and soft but enough for me to see. The moment he closed his eyes i knew. Hisnhand on my face slowley became rested and fell down next to him.

I screamed so loud to save him. To take me instead. I cursed out to whoever was in charge of destiny. I cursed out myself for not being able to protect him. I cursed out everyone but him.

"And how did the death effect you?" My therapist asked me. "I havent been the same" i say to her and kept looking at the ground. "Have you been taking your meds?" She asks me and scribbles something down.

"Yes" i say fast, it was a lie. Taking the meds is like taking away you. The pain you are leaving me is the only thing i have of you to remind me you were alive.

"Do you eat and sleep properly?" She asks me and i simply not. I dont even want to be here. Its only been 6 days but everyone basicly dragged me here. "Thats good xavier" she says to me and puts on a fake smile. She asks even more questions but i ignored everything she was saying and just notted or shrugged every once a while.

I just want to leave.

"Thats all for today" she says to me and i walk out. I didnt even tell her goodbye. As soon as i opend the doors i could see clyde waiting for me with noah. I never really knew noah but i know his death must be hard on him to.

I stay quiet the whole time when we went back to my apartment. "Drop me off at dash his house" i tell him. "You shouldnt be there alone" he tells me "i will be fine" i lie to him.
"We could all go" noah suggested and tried to put on a smile but it only made his dark circles more prominent.  "I want to be alone" i tell him plainly.

I could see i was playing with clyde his temper but he knows he cant snap at me. "Step out the car" he demands me and i do as i say. I am to lazy to fight it off anyways. He walks out the car and gives me a mad look. "You know i love you and i know how much you loved him but this isnt normal xavier" he says to me and i could hear the pain in his voice.

"Then let me leave" i say to him with no emotion showing off what so ever. "You got to fucking life man!" He yells at me and shakes his head in disbelief "i dont fucking want to" i snap back but not raising my voice. I could hear noah walk our way and he says "I know its hard ive been there, two times right now" like his love was the same compared to ours. "Just let me fucking die!" I yell at them and i could feel the tears form in my eyes making the world blurry.