alone again / Finished BxB /

Comforting silence

I splash some water in my face to make it look like i havent been crying all night long. Same old what i always do. My eyebags are puffy and my hair is acting like it got its own life. I roll up a blunt and smoke it down in the bathroom trying to calm down the anxiety im having. Want to act optimistic, like the sun shines for me or some bullshit.

I brush my fingers trough my hair until it doesnt look to bad anymore. I should try and atleast talk to xiever maybe his waiting for my responds trying to give me distance like im trying to give him. Communication is key right? I grab my phone and text him "are u free today?" Maybe he doesnt even respond to it but then i know the hint to fuck off. Not even 5 minutes later he already replied. "I'm free, do you want me to come to your place?" He asks me. "Yeah" i reply simply.

I clean up some dishes so it doesnt look to messy out here and like it isnt a garbage place. I put some clothes hanging around in the washing basket and some little stuff here and there before he arives already. Not long after im done i hear the doorbell ring and see xiever as beautiful as ever infront of my door.

"Hey" i say while opening the door ajd letting him in "hey" he says smiling the sweet smile again that i missed even after these short days. I notice xiever got a tiny bit of eyeliner on to compliment his eyeshape even more. "I like your eyeliner" i say smiling trying my best to make it seem genuine.  "Thanks my roomate wanted to try something" he says chuckling.

We both just sit a little awkwardly on the coutch with a thousend words in our minds but zero that come out. Maybe we both know we should talk about it but are both dreading it. This conversation could go two ways. Either we end up together or we both leave deciding it isnt worth it. Honesty i dont know what i want. He deserves better right? But maybe for this once i deserve something good too. Maybe he is my going sway gift from whatever higher up thing there is.

"Dash" xiever says "i like u a lot" he says. Butterflys fill my stomach by just those 5 words... "i like u too" i say to him feeling my heartbeat pouding louder and louder "u deserve better" i say after a few secconds. "No i dont, and even if i did i would want you" he says to me smiling and looking straight into my eyes again. Everytime he smiles his eyes gets smaller and little smile lines appear next to his eyes a small dimple thats barley notisible on his left cheek.

His words are what i want to hear. I dont know how but he always knows what to say to me in every thing. He aleays knows what everyone wants to hear. "Do you think we would work?" I ask him with question in my eyes. I want to make it work somewhere. "I think we can if we both put the afford into it" he says to me and comes closer to me.

We both smile and he puts his index finger under my chin and lifts it up so i would look him into his eyes. Xiever smiles at me and then looks at my lips and comes even closer kissing me. Butteflys fill my stomach again and i kiss him back. Are we offically a thing now? Am i really in a relationship just a weird 'friendship' i have no clue but for the moment i will enjoy whatever this is and whatever we are. 

After a few minutes he pulls back and smiles at me like im his new puppy he got for Christmas.  He looks happy, and so am i. Both of us smile at each other for a few secconds at each other and then xieverlays his head on my shoulder. I put on the tv and we watch whatever we could find.

I wasnt really looking at the tv anyways. More the reflection of xievers face in the miror. He probably  knows what im doing but still he wont say anything of it and probably even enjoys the attation. He isnt staring at me but he isnt paying attation to the tv at all. He probally is lost in his mind thinking about what just happend.

We watched the tv for some while until xiever heared my stomach growl in need for food and insisted i should eat something or he will force me. "Come on dash if u dont eat this plain ass bread like always i will stuff it in your mouth" xiever says running after me with a bread in his hand trying to catch me. "Pffttt as if u can catch me" i say running around almost jinxing myself and getting coucht. Were both laughing like little kids having some fun after a long while.

After a few more minutes of running sround i fnally gave in and agreed to eat the stupid bread and gsve xiever some too. Were both sitting on the counter just quietly eating. Comforting silence. We finish the food there and i could see xiever staring at the me the whole time.

"You wanna say something?" I ask him when he keeps looking at me with question. "Well... i wanted to say you kind off taste like weed" xiever says and scratches the back of his neck. "I just smoked, that's probably why" i say awkwardly and i coud see him kind off disapointed in my awnser. "Dont u smoke?" I ask him and he knots yes. "I am doing it less lately so i can be healthy or whatever" he says with a sweet smile not yet fleshing his teeth at me.

"Weird question but what did u wanted to be when you grew up younger?" He asks me probably trying to get to know even more. "Mhmm i think i wanted to be a policeman or something cheesy" i say back "you?" I ask him. "I wanted to be a policeman or fireman" he says smiling at me with caring eyes. "We woulve met in the station" i point out laughing. "Imagine if i was a fireman, we couldve had a enemies to lovers" xiever says and we both laugh. "I mean u kind off punched me you know" i say laughing and the both of us laugh until we cant breath anymore of the silliest things we say.

I put on some taylor swift songs on and me and xiever both sing every song singing into a spoon acting like our life depends on it. I dont know how but he always gets me more loose and more like a happy person. "I like Shiney things but i would marry you with paper rings" we both sing at at the same time pointing at each other smiling ear from ear. We sing every lyric of the song to each other dancing around and smiling about our sillyness. The music is loud but not loud enough to drown out our bad voices and giggles.

Xiever trips over his feet and falls over me and crushes me with his body. "Aaaghhh get of me!!" I yell and laugh in defeat when he didnt stand up and let me free. Xiever puts his elbows next to me hand hovering over me and smiling at me. "Mhmm what do i get if i let you go?" He says and smirks at me. "Ugh such a dirty thinker" i say and laugh at him "hey youre making it dirty" he laughs at me and stands up and gives me a hand to stand up too. Taylor swift is still beaming in the backround. "I need a reward, i even helped you up" he says and puffs up his chest trying to make himself big.

"Okay" i say and come closer to him and smile. "Nope" i say and plant my hand into his face pushing him away lightly and we both laugh. Xiever shakes his hand and runs after me trying to catch me but again im way faster then him and can easily ditch him. He sadly corners me after a few minutes and the both of us are out of breath laughing. "Ur so going to pay even more" he says to me rolls his hand and puts his hand behind me on the wall and comes closer.

"Mhm fine" i say and kiss him on his lips and i could feel him smiling beneath my lips. I pull back again but xiever puts his other hand on the back of my hand pulling me in again and kissing me again. And both us are smiling now but still our lips are agaisnt each other...

I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THIS CHAPTER HAVE A GOOD DAY :)))