alone again / Finished BxB /

busses *tw sa*

Before u read : this chapter contains a story about SA. I went trough that experience not long ago and felt like writing about it. I hope u all like this chap :).

I woke up with a huge headache but good fresh memories in mind. I dont feel so shitty for once in a while again. Maybe today i will just go and read a book somewhere by the park and do some stupid homework from ages ago.

The clock is saying its just 1pm but its fine ill make something out of this day and do something more fun alone. I got to spend some time doing stuff alone more. Maybe it will help me a bit to be okay to be alone.

I guess i need to finish school in some way even if i dont life long enough to be doing something with it. I took a more easier course then i wouldve done. I just want to get it over with and be done with the 'basic needs' in life.

Maybe if i decide to life i dont have to work a 9/5 cleaning toilets for rich people who just sit on their ass bossing people around all day like they are the shit. I always hated people like that, they think there so much better then anyone in every single way.

I go in the bathroom and see my hair sticking out from every single place again like normally. I brush with my hands trough it so it doesnt look to bad for when i will be going away on my own. I brush my teeth and out on some deodorant so i dont smell bad.

I out on some dark green cargo pants and a white tshirt with a black hoodie over it and a beanie again so people cant really see my hair. I take a bag with me and put in the books that still miss some homework from ages ago.

I need to get in a bus all by myself. I know its scary but still i need to do it. I cant just tell dean or someone else to come and get me so we can take a bus together cuz im scared of people. I just got to take a deep breath and go and do this shit. But first i have to even go there.

I close to door behind me and lock it up. I walk to the bus stop because its not really that far away that i have to go with a bike or get a taxi or something.

The bus just left infront of my eyes when i arrived. Just great. As if i wasnt already anxious af about this stupid trip to a libary. I have to wait a other 10 minutes until the next bus arrives.

I put on some music to calm down the nerves a tiny bit. After 10 minutes the bus finally arives. It isnt to full of people and there a few empty seats so atleast i dont have to sit next to someone i dont know or stand and beinf squished by them.

A older looking man around his 30s or 40s sits right infront of me and looks at me trough the bus window in the reflection. Wtf does he want from me. Why the fuck is he even looking at me.

I just decide to ignore it and just wait for this busride to be done fast. Its around 20 ish minutes until i am there so it might take a while.

The next bus stop 2 people come in and the man infront of me stands up and sits next to me. Wtf?

There is enough space for them to sit somewhere and that man couldve just kept on sitting at the same spot it was for 4 people anyways.

The man sits next to me and i put my bag between my legs so the man doesnt touch my bag and tries to steal it or someting.

Instead of sitting normaly and not taking up to much space he spreads his legs so i am even more crushed agaisnt the wall then i already was. Fuck.

Were touching shoulder agaisnt shoulder and im uncomfortable as fuck. I dont know what the fuck he wants from me. I look infront of me trying to catch the womans attation thats facing me so she knows im uncomfortable and so she might be able to help me but shes clued to her phone not even looking at me.

The man sits even more wide and puts his shoe agaisnt my shoe. I cant fucking move my feet cuz its being closed off and not having any space by the man. I can feel the man's look burning into my skin and his breathing lightly agaisnt my face.

Were already at the next stop before i even realised we were moving again. I shouldve just stayed in or catch the other bus rather then this shit.

To make me even more uncomfortable the man places his hand agaisnt the railing kf the seats infront of me so im even more closed off. His insanly close to me right now and im fully closed off and have no space to go.

I feel so small right now. Like an ant that can be crushed anytime right now or a worm being picked away by a bird to never been seen again.

The worse part inst even him closing me off and making me uncomfortable its more the fact that i dont know what he wants from me. I dont think its stealing or he wouldve done something very different.

My hearts beating faster and faster in my troat and i could feel my mouth getting more dry just because of the anxiety. I dig my nails in mt skin again and try and look tough so he wont do shit to me.

He keeps looking at me and tries to touch my shoe and moves his shoe around mine trying to find a exuse tk touch me. Fuck.

I know what a fucked up toughts that man has about me just by doing that. He probably doesnt want to rob me bur he wants my body. Im not even close to his fucking age. His probably a fucking p3d0phil3.

All my instincts are going off. I dont want this shit to happen and im not going to let it happen. I shove his feet away so atleast those arent touching. I look the guy straight into his eyes with the meanest look i could do and shoo away his arm.

It feels like i cant breath and im getting all scared and anxious over a stupid pedo guy like him. I have no clue what i will do when he wont let me get of this bus or folows me when i go off it.

I try and send a message to dean so he knows what will happen if i get found dead or r@p3d. The only thing i voulf really type was 'guy' and thats it.

I got to find a way to look even more scary then i am. In some way it feels like a life or death situation. Dean sends me a message "what?!?" But doesnt really get the fact that im scared to death.

The man keeps looking at me and at my phone so i cant fucking explain to dean whats happening. I take my phone and i will just pretent to be on a phonecall.

"Hey mai. Are u almostat the bus stop im there in a few min" i say and try not to let the shakyness be noticeable. "Yeah u bring the guys with u too? Didnt think you would get apollo to come too. How is dean tough?" I ask to the phone with nobody on the other line. Fuck im scared. After a sec of 6 ill talk again. 6.5.4.3.2.1 "oh nah ofc. Ur boyfriend better be there or ill kick his ass like last time" i laugh to the silent phone "byeee ill see u guys in a bit" i say

The guy next to me looks at me still but also looks less scary. In les then 4 min im at the bus stop and i get out and push the guy aside and hurry out.

He thankfully doesnt follow me and thankfully for me there is a group of a few guys and a girl at the stop waiting for the bus probably but it fits perfect.

I try and calm down the heartbeat thats beating in my troat and try and hust catch my breath. I walk over to the library thats already vissble and try not to think to much about it right now.

I text dean "ur going to pick me up later, i will tell u why. I am never getting on busses again"

Maybe im overreacting but still why did he move next to me? Why did he dit the way he was. Why were out shoes touching. Why was he holding out his arm like that. So many questions without ever a awnser

Thats it for this chap.