alone again / Finished BxB /

tissues

Death, its a funny concept if u think about it. We morn because we cant be with them anymore. Can hear their voice or ask for advise. You cant hug them again or see their smile. And then u realise all u have left of them are photos and memories of them.

First few days are the hardest, everything feels either to painfull or numb. The thought of then could send u into crying or maybe a picture u saw when u scrolled past your gallery.  Or the food they liked or their favourite flower.

Even tho irs onky natural it still hurts. Were told from a young age what will happen to us later and what is happening around us - but still were so afraid of it. Its unknown and unanswered. Is that really what were afraid of? Or maybe its the fact we arent doing the stuff anymore what we did everyday.

Even if ghosts excited we couldnt do anything. Imagine seeing your loved one cry and morn because u passed away and u cant even touch them, youre just forced to watch the aftermath. Maybe its more lonley then we think it is.

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I wake up at 12pm after being so exhausted from yesterday. The memories are still painfully fresh in my mind and i cant do anything about it. All i can hear is the words repeating to me over and over again and the hand on my chin slowley coming to my chest.

Its exausting living like this, but i have to for - you xiever. I go to the bathroom and smoke down a cigarette and just try not to think about it. I dont even know what to think about this. I dont even know if i can tell xiever this. Wont he get mad at me? Maybe he will break up with me or beat me up. All i want is for him to smile and still i mess up.

I know that he is pissed off at me already because of yesterday. I understand what i did wrong though. I crossed the line of what he is comfortble with. I should probably apologize to him and ask him for forgiveness.

Come to realise i dont even know where he lives. I will just text dean maybe be knows. I havent really talked to dean for ages he has been way to bussy with his new girlfriend.

Me : do you know where xiever lives i need to ask him something.    12:27pm
Dean : yeah ight its *******     13:17pm
Me : thanks                                  13:18pm

I already ate some lunch and brushed my teeth and hair and scrolled on my phone in the hour it took him to respond to me. I am not even going to complain about him ignoring me. He does this every once in a while. He gets a girl he is intrested in and swears shes the one. Then either he or her will break each others heart and then he always says "fuck them hoes" and comes back to me again. Its a repeating cycle and i am not bothered by it.

I go out the house and grab my bike with him. His hous isnt to far so i dont need to take the bus, thankfully. I see a little flowershop next to the road and i stoped by it. Maybe i can apologize with sone flowers.

"Hello sir what can i get for u today" the woman says smiling. "Some roses and baby breath please" i say and she puts the flowers togther and hands them to me. Their quite pricy but its worth it for him.

I but them on the back of my bike and tie them down so they wont fly away. 8 minutes later i arrive at his house. Its a smaller house but nicer then my apartment. I take a deep breath and hold the flowers in my hand. I ring the doorbell and wait for a bit.

A woman awnsers the door who i assume is jade. "Youre dash right?" She asks me excisted. "Yeahh" i say and look down at the flowers "u better be good at apologizing. Youre cute and he talks way to cute about you" she says to me sith a friendly smile and i could feel my cheeks becoming red already. She lets me in the house and points to a room.

I knock on the door and xiever opens it. He looks a bit upset but when he saw me he almost slammed the door against me. "Youre crushing the flowers" i say and hand them to him. I could see a tiny smile on his face but he tries to hide it from me. "Fine you can come in" he says acting annoyed and letting me in his room.

"I know it was bad what i did and i crossed the line" i say and sit next to him on his bed. "And?" He asks me he wants to hear me apologize more. "I just want to scream to everyone thst i have you and i know youre not ready yet. And i should wait i know. I wont try to hold your hand in public again or make you uncomfortable" i say to him pouring my whole heart out.

"Didnt think u were this good at apologies" he says to me smelling the flowers. I know i havent told him what happend but i dont wanna ruin his fun. He comes closer to me and holds my face with both hands and kisses me on my nose and then on my mouth.

"You know what would make this better?" He says to me with a smile "what" i ask. "A sleepover" he says with a huge smile. "Pleaaaase" he nags at me and pouds his lips and makes a sad face. "Fine" i say and give him a other kiss.

"I should probably introduce you to jade" xiever says and scratches the back of his neck. He is more nervous then me for meeting his roommate. He takes my hand and we walk to the livingroom and kitchen in one.
"jade!" He yells and the short girl appears from her room. She comes running to me and gives me a hug.

"Finally a formal introduction with the hot guy" she says obviously trying to make xiever nervous. "Shut up jade" he says trough his teeth and i could see his face turning red. Its cute when his face turns red whenever he talks about me. "Nice to meet you jade" i say more shy but try to act more confident. She gives me a other hug and then shots a cheeky glance xievers way.

We all sit down at the coutch with xiever in the middle of us. "Are you going to sleepover?" She asks me and i knot yes. I dont know how she even knows that i am sleeping over. Maybe she secretly overheared our convo and was standing right infront of the door. "We could stay uo a watch a movie with popcorn!" She says all excited.

"Cant even give us 2 secconds alone" xiever says to her laughing. "Its like my little baby is all grown up" she says pinching his cheeks like a grandma. "What movie should we watch right now?" She asks us and i look xievers way. "Dont u dare ask xiever what he wants to watch because he watches twilight like its his religion" she says to me and looks mad at xiever who is scartching the back of his neck again. I dont even know what he is so nervous about so far its going pretty good with meeting jade if i say so myself.

Hours pass by easily and jade ordered some takeout hamburgers and fries for all of us and then we played a random board game they had laying around. "Time of movies" she says and drags all of us to the coutch. "Let's go watch this one" she says and shows a romcom from the 90s "yeah sure" i say. We dont watch the movie were more talking about whatever we wanted to talk about.

"You should move in here youre like a perfect roommate and we have a room over like u would even sleep in there though" she says giving me a wink. "I dont think i could afford it" i say awkwadly laughing it off. Moving in with him is way to soon right? This house is way more convenient then my house but i dont know if its to early. "Would be fun" xiever says with a tiny smile to me. He takes my hand in his and we change the subject to something else. He keeps holding my hand until we went to bed.

"Wear this" he said to me trowing some clothes at me for pjs. Sleeping in his clothes for the first time... they smell like him. I go on the bed and crawl on his chest and not even minutes later i was fully asleep.