alone again / Finished BxB /

painted promises

I go back home with the bus. My card is charged for a change and i could sit in a bus not even a little bit tense. Xiever stayed at the restaurant he wanted to help out his aunts in the kitchen. I wanted to help him but he said he had to discuss something and that i shouldnt go home late.

The guy is nice but i hope i wont see him again. He saw what could be judged. Its already nighttime when i was back at the apartment.  It was cleaner then the day before.

No dirty dishes left to clean or random stuff laying around. The pile of clothes is still in my room . I grab the clothes and put them all in the wash. Who cares if the color washes from 1 clothing to the other one when i wont have the chance to wear them again. I probably wont life that long anyways.

I check my phone and it shows 11:57 pm. I came home later then i thought i wouldve. But i just had the best meal i ever had in my life. I heared a message pop up on my phone so i check what it says. Its from dean

Dean : did you get your jacket u didnt tell me shit today.
Me : yeah i got it i was out with xiever.
Dean : getting replaced already? Better not think about it mf haha.
Me : no i wont dw man.

It was probably the last time i will see xiever anyways so there is no chance i would ever replace dean.

I fell asleep not long after 1 am hit . I listened to some songs to drown out the washing machine sounds.

If the future has me and i become rich i want to buy a good washing machine in a special room. It might sound silly but i would want to have that.

I woke up to a call from dean and i pick it up so he would shut up and leave me alone to sleep.

Dean : yo dude you better not me sleeping cuz i wanna go maken ome graffiti with your new bestfriend xiever and some of our friends.
Me : are you stoned or something let me sleep asshole.
Dean : were already downstairs get your ass out of here. Its the payback from when you were drunk.
Me : fine let me get some pants.

I look out of my window and see them all waiting for me. I grab some pants and run down stairs. I look at the time on my phone because its still dark outside. 4:37 am.

They all greet me and we walk to some abandoned building close by the lake. "Who got the cans?" I ask them when i see them all empty handed. "Theyre there, you will see" dean says to me.

When we arive at the building i see tons of cans so we can all just paint our things. Me and mai and xiever walk to one spot together. I guess were all sharing a wall. Dean and clyde and apollo to a other one. Everyone that i remebered were here again.

I thought i never would see these people again especially xiever, he probably thought i was a mess.

I have no clue what i wanna paint. Maybe because were sharing a wall we can all make 1 big painting? Idk i will let them decide i dont know them enough.

"What are you going to make" i hear mai ask me. I think both of us have no clue what were doing but we dont even know what were doing in our life so it makes sense.

"I dont know, you?" I ask her and she just shrugs her shoulder. "I got a idea" xiever says and grabs his phone. He shows us a picture of 2 koi carpers. He wants us to draw fish , great. I can draw a bit but not too good.

"I cant draw" xavier says "i thought of the idea anyways" he says and me and mai both sign in sink and then laugh. Me and mai agree with it and start sketching the outlines of the fish. Xiever just looks at what were both doing and if it looks good.

He keeps staring at my finger. Why is he always looking at me? Maybe he doesnt want the paiting to look as messy as my apartment. 

The sun is slowley going up but there is not enough light for us to not have out a little light thats just enough to see. Dean puts up some music do the abandoned building doesnt look so cold and creepy.

Me and the building got 1 thing in commen. Were both left to take care of ourself alone but slowley broke down.

After the outlines are done the sun is already up enough that we dont need our lights. We started spray painting the 2 koi carper in red, orange and white with spots of black on the endings of their fins. mai made a red one. I think the red one fits her vibe and shows of anger and beauty in one.

Can those two trades be together? I have no clue but it looks beautiful and elegant yet so angry.

Xiever said he couldnt draw a outline so we agreed to let him help us paint the fishes. He woeks very carefully trying not to mess them up.

Xiever helps spraypaint mine the most but hes obviously better at it then me so i just let him finish it.

Around 9am were all done with the spray paintings and we trow away the empty cans and walk back to my apartment because they need to walk past it anyways.

Im not that tired but the few hours of sleep i had isnt enough to make it to the end of the day. I force myself to fall asleep even for just a other hour.

I wake up at around 12pm again by the sound of the doorbell. I put on some shorts  had somewere and some socks and walk to the door.

Who the fuck can be at my door. Its 12 pm i know but i want to be alone. I didnt invite over anyone anyways.

I open the door and see a delivery driver with a bag of food in his hand. I take the bag and thank him.

Who send me food? I was planning on skipping lunch. I open the bag and see some sandwiches of a place i never heared of. They look fucking amazing but i dont know who send them.

I take out the 2 sandwiches. A chicken sandwich with some avocado and some other stuff on it. It looks so amazing.

Maybe its for my neighbors... imma eat it fuck those bitches and their food its mine now. Am i a bad person? Yes.

But were all fucked up right.

I get out the sandwiches and everything else thats in their. I suddenly see a note in the bag. 'For dash, dont eat the pasta'. Its xievers ???

Just lost all my appetite. He thinks im a poor guy what doesnt have shit doesnt he? The fact that he got money doesnt have shit to do with me . He can flex in other peoples face but not in mine.

I still eat it though.

If i could wish for 1 thing that couldve been changed in my life was that i would be rich. I want money to buy good food and not a pasta left over thats alresdy spoiled 4 weeks ago. I would get those 5 star meals everyday. Even for the lunch and breakfast.

Isnt it unfair? Being born into a rich life while others cant even get food.

I should thank xiever for the food.
Me : thanks for the sandwiches but dont fucking flex with your money in my face.

Passive aggressive. 

I trow away the box and the bag it came with and take out the trash. Maybe i will keep this apartment clean so when i die they dont have to clean to much.

I only got 1 class but its at 7pm so i got the whole day to do something for myself. Doing something for myself rather is just being on my phone wasting the time i have here.

Is there even anything i can do other then rot away. Every seccond i come closer and closer and closer to death but still i dont wanna do shit.

In some way im in charge of my own death. If i dont die from a accident or a murder i am in charge of it. I can decide when my last breath is taken. When my last heartbeat beats. I wont be living long in the future so i wouldn't die of old age.

I can cross that one off the list atleast.  i should make a bucket list before i dont have a future. Maybe come back to the promisses i made back when i was with her.

We were both liars in our promises. But i cant change that anymore cant i ? Me and her are like strangers after what happend.

I grab a piece of paper for my bucket list
• get the best last meal ever
• have great moments with dean
• come back to the last promise i made
• not die by accident ( wont happen )
• getting a piercing and tattoo (even with my last bit of money)
• never letting anybody forget me

Im going down in history books. I dont care in what way good or bad. Everyone in the history books is fucked up on their own and so am i.

okaaayyyy thats it for this chapter :)))) if u got feedback plsss tell me