Classic Rock Shorts

Kitty Kitty

Freddie tied his kimono tighter on his waist, his beloved cat curled on his shoulders. He walks in head held high as he walks into John’s office. John glances at him not even questioning Freddie wearing a kimono at least he has his shoes on. It’s a miracle to get Freddie’s shoes on, he loves to be barefoot like a toddler! And don’t get John started on Freddie’s trousers he’s long have you that battle in the winter of ‘79.

“Another case?” John sits up, his perm gets rustled by the desk fan, “What happened? Was it the ketchup explosion again? Someone stole baby Jesus?”

“Someone got cat-napped.” Freddie says in a serious tone, “This is getting worse and worse! Soon there won’t be any cats in town anymore!”

John stands up taking the papers out of Freddie’s hands, “Who was it?”

“Mr. Tibbles, his owner is old lady Vera, she’s desperate for him to be returned.” Freddie says, “She’s crying in her room begging for Mr. Tibbles to be returned safely. She’s offered a heavy reward if her baby is found.”

John nods, “I understand after her husband died in the syrup accident she's been all alone for 50 years.” John says walking to the phones he licks his dry lips he can feel Freddie’s eyes on the back of his head.

John sends in a call to Roger and Brian they’re good with investigating as well. Brian it tall and lean too, he blends in with the trees and scenery making it easy to catch perps not paying attention to the slender man in the trees waiting, watching with bated breath.

Together they pile into John’s car wand speed off to Mr. Tribbles’ home for clues. It was a lovely little cottage with plenty of room for a old cat to wonder about in his golden years, yeah Mr. Tribbles is an old lad, 25 years young he is. The group split up and searched ok the property on their lonesome. Nice cottage for a nice old lady and her ancient cat. You would never think a crime could be committed there.

The four men swarm the house going now from every little corner to the next. Splitting up was a good idea because soon Roger excitedly calls out from the outside, in the backyard. He’s found a clue! The three men hurry out there, John snaps some pictures. And they follow the muddy footprints down the path and to the woods. Down the wooden trail where the old syrup factory used to be back in the 30s.

There’s a huge warehouse where the footprints end at a steel door. It’s in good condition for being abandoned. Larger than more warehouses, it use to home important supplies for the town.

There’s a passcode to get the door opened and Freddie cusses and tries, “123” and “1234”, even “0123”, nothing is it! The code is harder to crack than a lobster! Roger pulls his cock out his trousers and they begin to yell at him to put it away. Roger just gives them a mischievous grin like he’s back to his naughty schoolboy ways again down in the countryside.

Roger pisses on the keypad,it shortens out and the door comes open. Freddie hugs Roger tight, “You’re a genius!”

“How did you know that’ll work!” John slaps his back playfully,

“Saw it in a movie.” Roger admits with a laugh.

Brian snorts, “Classic Roger move.”

They hurry inside and the cat on Freddie’s shoulders perks up from her slumber. Tail swishing side to side, eye narrow. Freddie plucks her off his shoulders, “Show us where to go love. Come on now.”

The cat stretches out and gracefully walks down the hallway owner and his odd friends at her heels. She nuzzles up to a door and meows climbing up Freddie’s kimono. Freddie kicks open the door ceiling to floor, wall upon wall were cages upon cages of poor kittens. Meowing out their pleas for help not understood to the human ear. Freddie wasn’t a normal human though. He understood their pleas.

Freddie meows softly to them unlocking cages with the help of his friends. The cat on his shoulders purrs, it was musical to Freddie’s ears, a nice calming effect. There’s a screech, “What are you doing!”

Freddie whirls around and he snarls, “John Lennon!”

Lennon looks at the wild eyed, “You’re taking my babies away!”

“Lennon these belong to people!” John yells standing in front so he couldn’t lunge at Freddie.

“I need my cats!” Lennon yells grabbing at John and being knocked down onto his ass, “Mine!”

He goes for Freddie. Freddie stumbles back lifting his kimono up high in the air blinding everyone with that furry bush of his. Lennon screams, stumbling back and falling down shielding his eyes.

John covers his eyes wedding ring smacking him in the temple, "Freddie put your Indian sausage up!"

Roger lifts Lennon up and handcuffs, “You’re not going away and you’re never touching a cat again!”

Lennon thrashes about being hauled away by Brian and even bites brain which adds an additional charge to his already packed and growing case. With his friend's help, Freddie got all the cats and kittens returned to their owners.

They come back to Freddie's office passing around whiskey and cigarettes. Freddie sets Lennon’s papers in a folder with a poorly drawn cat on the cover and slides it into his filing cabinet,

“The case of the mad cat-napper is solved.” Freddie blows out the smoke settling into his arm chair beloved cat happily sleeping on his shoulders.

Roger grins cigarette dangling from his lips he grabs his sunglasses, “Guess you could say the cats out of the bag.” He puts his sunglasses on walking out of the room as his teammates groan at his shitty pun.

Thanks to the help of Freddie and his powerful team another mystery is solved and the neighborhood is once again safe and sound. And we can’t forget the most important member of the team, Freddie’s cat, Delilah. Now the case is closed and for now until the next case, they can rest easy.