Xelqua Rising || The Lost One AU

39.Xelqua's Resolve

Xel sat at his desk, tapping the wood. He knew he had to save Miesall, but how was he supposed to do that? More than once, he almost started to write down his ideas, but he stopped himself every time. First of all, he had no pencil or paper. Second of all, even if he did, he would be speaking publicly about his plan. Thirdly, none of his ideas seemed good enough to jot down anyway.

After he decided to be there for Miesall, he decided that he needed to take it down a notch. Give the poor Watcher a few days, or weeks, or years; he had no idea how time passed anymore. Let him feel what he needed to feel, or rather bottle it up inside like everything else. Then Xel would attack.

In the lesson he had recently, Miesall had been more despondent than he had ever been. Xelqua tried to be a good student for once in his life, and besides an accidental derailing (which Miesall was quick to stop), he thought he did alright.

From there, Xel tried being with the other Watchers. He only merely tolerated it; he never really cared for them anyway, and the feeling was more than mutual. He had almost forgotten how much he really did not care for the Watchers, aside from Miesall of course.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when he saw Miesall calling to him. He pushed back his chair and headed out of his room, joining the Watcher in the hallway. The curly-haired one never said why he had called him, but they both knew anyway. It was time for another lesson.

The two made their way back to the all-familiar lecture hall in silence. Once Xel was seated, Miesall jumped right into the lesson from the Book of Vision. Xel had felt like he had memorized a lot of it by now, but there was so much he had yet to learn.

After going over the passage a few dozen times, Xel allowed himself to fall silent, staring at the back of his teacher's head.

"Why did you stop?" Miesall asked, slowly turning around. There was no emotion in his voice, but Xelqua could tell that he was confused.

"I wanted to ask you a question."

"Does it involve this passage?" Miesall asked cautiously, knowing this was likely a start of goofing off.

"Well, not exactly—"

"Get back to work." Miesall whispered, his voice stern. Perhaps this was his imagination playing tricks on it, but Xel could have sworn he heard pain behind it.

He took a shaky breath. "I fear I'm not going to be able to concentrate until I know the answer."

Miesall sighed. "If you must... just, uh, keep it short."

"Miesall, I uh..." Xel began. All of a sudden, he felt nervous. What came out his mouth next would have to be important.

"Out with it, Xelqua..." Miesall replied, rubbing his forehead almost as if he were tired.

"The other Watchers. They confronted you, didn't they?"

Miesall looked back up and stared at Xel. "Yes they did. And rightfully so, I should add." His lips were held in a firm line, and Xel could tell by the creature's stance, he would not hear any objections. 

Xel nodded cautiously. It wasn't much, but he gotten at least a dialogue going. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"I was fiddling with lines I vowed never to cross. Perhaps I did not explicitly cross them, but I was dangerously close. There is a reason why Watchers act the way they do, and I had foolishly forgotten that."

Xel frowned. "And why is that?" He challenged, causing Miesall to falter a moment.

"Because... well, everyone else does. That's just what we do." He replied with a shrug, counteracting his former statement.

Now the blonde had a bit of ground. He stood up in his seat just a bit taller. "But just because everyone else does something, doesn't make it right."

Miesall looked away before walking away. He looked as though he wanted to say something, but then he reconsidered.

Xel stood up and moved himself from around the desks. "Look Miesall, you know in your heart that what you do with me is alright; healthy even."

Miesall moved further away as Xelqua got closer.

"So what if the others don't understand? Aren't you happier when you let your curls just a bit looser? That's what matters, isn't it? You aren't actually breaking any rules doing the things that we did, are you?"

Miesall rubbed his arm. The others had started talking, telling him to ignore the former human. That Xelqua was wrong -- that they were indeed close to breaking rules. To be strong. To be perfect and upright; a shining example for the clueless former human. "Well, not necessarily.. but—"

"Exactly!" Xelqua threw his hands up. "Miesall, you have to ignore them!"

Miesall whipped around so fast that his curls hit himself in the face.  "Xelqua, you don't understand!" he cried.

Xel sucked in a breath. He hated when the Watchers used that against him. He hadn't heard it much if at all since he became a Watcher himself, but the memory of it still stung him. He could not let that bother him, though. "What don't I understand, Miesall?" He replied, trying to keep his tone calm. He would not let this turn into an argument as that would help nothing.

"You do not understand how much their opinions matter to me!" Miesall blurted in a fit of anger. He froze, as if he did not believe the words that had just come out of his own mouth. He slapped a hand over his mouth. "I—I mean..." he began, but he wasn't allowed to fasten a lie. And even if he was, nothing he could have said would have been believed. Everyone grew silent.

Xelqua's gaze softened. Of course... it made so much sense. These were the only people that he had ever known. The only other people he would meet were yet to be born. To be an outcast here meant that he would always be alone.

That was why he pretended to hate Xel's antics: everyone was watching him, judging him. They could excuse Grian for being a stupid human, but Miesall belonged to them.

"Miesall..." Xelqua cooed, stepping towards the frozen Watcher. He was tempted to say it didn't matter what they thought, but the other Watchers were literally his entire world. He let himself fall silent as Miesall turned away yet again, letting his wings wrap around himself like a blanket.

A voice whispered in the blonde's ear, his own: the Great Ones would have intervened if they did not approve of this. It is fate that these things happen.

"The Great Ones... they teach us to abide by fate, right? And, it's my fate to be taught by you. Our fate is to be with each other, is it not?"

Miesall did not respond. He didn't like the feeling of all the eyes watching him. Even though they had always been there, suddenly, it almost felt suffocating.

"The Great Ones... what do they think of this?" Xel tried again.

Miesall walked over to the wall, leaning against it so that his face was buried in the bricks as if to disappear. "They have told me that what the others did was wrong." He mumbled into the wall.

"Exactly! It is our fate that we become close."

Miesall only flinched as the voices of the other Watchers arose once more. He felt as though he were being ripped in two different directions. Common sense said to return to being a normal Watcher. His heart and his gut told him to pursue this addiction. The Great Ones were rooting for the later it seemed, and although he had never questioned them before, now he did.

He didn't want to be the strange one. He didn't want to be ostracized or disliked by all but one of his peers. He moved his head away from the wall before rubbing his hand against his forehead. His head was beginning to hurt, trying to keep track of everything being said.

Xel took a few steps back. Maybe Miesall needed more time to figure this all out on his own. He had said what needed to be said, after all.

But that was when the Great Ones Called them both to come inside the Sanctum.