Love What You Can't Have

Pop goes the weasel

When I got back to my house, I quietly went upstairs and into my room. Kourtney has sent me tons of pictures from the party last night, that I barley remember. They were great especially the pictures of me and Aries. I still can't believe we almost had sex. I really wanted to. He had me so wet, so out of control. His fingers felt like magic, his lips like melted chocolate. I was still wearing his clothes they smelled like him. I didn't want to take them off but I had to shower and be a practice in an hour. I put my phone on charge and grabbed my clothes. 

I made to practice and talked to my instructors about my routine. "I think it is a little busy and maybe unappropriate. "Really I think this song would work out perfectly." "Maybe If I hear it with the routine, it may work. We can give it a try," "Thank you I promise not to let you down." I said heading over to the mat. The song to me worked perfectly. I tried working out some moves, choreographing your own routine is hard and takes alot of you, but that is what i do. I will do this.

The sun was going down when I finally got home. Mom was at work again and left dinner for me. This weekend we are going shopping and dinner before Kourtney and I leave for Paris. I was on the phone with her when I got home. "Girl I can't believe you and Aries." "I know right. I can't believe how good it felt. I wish it was more." I said laughing. "I can't wait till you are in the group, I mean I think you are the only one who I know is still a virgin." she said. "Look you know." "Yes I know, but to lose it to Aries, that will be memorable." "I can't stand you." I said going to my room. "Look we will talk tomorrow, I need to shower and I could sleep for a week." "Alright we will talk tomorrow." she said and we hung up. I grabbed another shower. Walking out in a pair of booty shorts and tank top with my hair in a towel. I put my music on and started to undo my hair, the wind blew and there was a figure on my balcony. I opened them and there he was.....Aries. "Aries? What are you doing here?' I asked my hair dripping down my white tank top. He walked over to me, grabbed my face and landed his lips on mine. 

I instantly wrapped my arms around his neck, not breaking the kiss but i had to push him away. He looked at me. "Aries are you alright?" "I need you. I want you." he said taking my lips to him. He lifted me up wrapping my legs around his waist. I am going to have sex with Aries. I am going to lose my virginity to Aries Diamandis. He placed me on my bed not breaking the kiss, his hands rubbing my legs, my waist, everything. He looked at me with eagerness when I pushed him off of me. "I am sorry." he said standing up running his hands through his hair. I stood up, standing in front of him. "Hey?" I said moving his face to me. "I shouldn't of came over." he was getting ready to leave when I grabbed his arm to stop him. "Talk to me." I said. "I need to go." I didn't want him to go. I wanted him badly. So I showed him. I took his face and kissed him lightly. He pulled me closer, deepening the kiss. 

I pulled him closer to the bed. He looked at me with eyes that I could not read. I slipped my shirt off.  The ends of my hair were still dripping wet and the coldness hit my bare back, and I winced. That gave him the chance to take my breast into his mouth, I moaned. He looked up at me. "Are you sure, because I don;t think I can walk out of here." he said. I said nothing and started taking off his shirt. I touched his abs with just my finger tips, and felt him shiver. He picked me up and placed me on to the bed. He took a condom out of his pants pocket and then slipped his pants off. He placed the condom on, and then climbed on top of me. He kissed me first he was gentle. "I will take it slow." he said guiding himself into my opening. It hurt, but I managed. "Are you okay?" he whispered. "It hurts but I am okay." I told him touching his cheek. He pushed a little more. I groaned. It hurt but he felt so good. I arched my back, and he entered completely. "OH my god!! I moaned just as he did. He kept watching me as small tears fell from my eyes. He kissed them away and then whispered in my ear. "You feel so good, Phoenix." he started to move a little faster. "Ahh, Aries." I moaned. He placed his lips on mine. I slid my hands down his arms, biting my lips. He just watched me. "Oh my god you feel so good on me." he said. 

 "Aries!" I moaned again. His pace continued to gain speed. I moved with him. The burning and pain was there but dull. "More!!" I told him. He pushed and thrusted. He was moaning and groaning. I was about to lose it. "You are incredible." he said kissing my neck. I turned my head to the side closing my eyes. I dug my fingers into his back. I clenched my body and lost control, he groaned deeply and I felt him fill me. He collapsed on me our breathing heavy. After a few minutes  he slowly exited me. "Are you alright?" he asked. I took a deep breath. "I am fine." I told him. He got off of me and off the bed. I winced sitting up grabbing the small blanket and covered myself up.

"Aries?" He had already put his pants back on, his back was facing me. "Are you sure you are alright?" "Ya a little sore but I am fine. Are you alright?" "Ya sure I am fine." "Come lay down with me." I told him. He grabbed his shirt. "I have to go." he said quickly. "What?' "I have to go." he said not looking at me and was out the balcony door. Tears started falling down my face. I grabbed my phone and quickly called Kourtney. "Hey girl, what are you still doing up." "Kourt, he left, he just left." I cried. "I will be there soon." she said hanging up. I slowly got out of bed and headed back to the shower. Blood was running down my leg, and on my bed. The shower helped but why did he leave. I sat on the floor in front of my bed. The bed still had blood on it, but I couldn't bring myself to do clean up yet. I heard Kourtney running up the stairs and rushing into my room. She seen me on the floor and joined me taking my hand. "He just left like I was nothing." I cried. She took me in her arms and hugged me tight. "Shhh it is ok hun." she caressed my hair. After about an hour, she brought me up some coffee and cleaned up my bed for me. I was sitting in the door way of the balcony smoking a cigarette. She joined me on the floor lighting one up herself. I just stared into the darkness. "How are you? I mean are you still sore?" "No, I am fine. I just want to know what I did wrong, why did he leave, why the hell did I do this?" "All the typical thoughts." "I am not like those other girls he has been with." "No you are not." "Could it be because I was bad?" "I doubt it, but I don't know hun, I am sorry."

"What about your first time?' "I was drunk and stupid, the only good thing about it was the guy was hot and we was dating for awhile, so he didn't run off." Tears started to fall again. "Hey just try to let it go, I mean we knew how he was and now you know that even a beautiful, smart, talented girl won't even change him. And we will be in Paris soon. You will forget about him." she sipped her coffee. I nodded.