Love What You Can't Have

Aries in trouble

I ran to my room, closing the door behind me. I placed my hands on my head pacing back and forth. I had her. I got what I wanted. It was fantastic, magical, incredible. I sat on the edge of my bed my face in my hands. I can smell her. I groaned. What the hell am I doing. I won, I got what I wanted, I can leave her alone, I will leave her alone. Her skin is so soft, her lips felt like creamy ice cream. I have to leave her alone. I stood and started throwing stuff around. Breathing heavy. I grabbed my phone. The picture of us kissing at the Party was there. I squeezed the phone and then set it down. 

Her body felt like silk, sliding into her was incredible. It was the best I have ever had, even though she was unexperienced she was right. She was perfect. I wish I didn't have the condom blocking the true feeling of her. The way she started rocking her hips, or how she moaned my name asking for more. OH god, I can't drop her. I have to drop her. 

My phone starting going off. Was it her? I grabbed it. It was a message from Kourtney. "You are an asshole. I told you not to hurt her. Stay away from her." I didn't respond. She was right, I did hurt her. I did exactly what she said what I would do. I went to my door and grabbed the handle. I opened it but couldn't move. I shut the door again. My head is spinning. I went to my game room and found a bottle of jack and started chugging it. 

For the next two weeks I stayed in my room. I drank and smoked constantly. I haven't seen or heard from Phoenix since that day. Drake has come over but we didn't do much. Gabe is pissed off at me and I can't blame him. They are his friends and now Phoenix won't really talk to him, which means Kourtney a girl he liked really hasn't talked to him either. I did have him drop off her birthday cards. He gave them to Kourtney after it happened, and that was when she told him what happened. I went over to my desk and slid the drawer open. It was her gift. I long blue Tiffany box with a white bow. I got her a necklace with a princess crown charm. I rubbed my fingers against it when Drake came in. "Hey bud." he shut the door. I closed the drawer. "Hey." I said leaning against my desk. "When you coming out of this fucking room man." I shrugged my shoulders. "Its time to party man, get you out of this funk you are in." "I am not in a funk." "Really dude. Its been 2 weeks that you have locked yourself in here." "There aint nothing out here for me." I told him. "Why you acting this way. you got what you wanted." I went over to the window. The balcony doors have been closed since that night. The lights come on and then they shut off. I was wondering where she has been smoking. I know stupid thought right. "Ya I got what I wanted." I told him. "So what is the problem? ."she bad? That would suck if she was bad." "NO, she was incredible." I said. Drake sat up. 

"You love her don't you?" he said. "Thats it isn't it." "No man just drop it." I told him. "You are never like this with any other girl, you throw this big extravagant party, you have her picture on your phone, and I know you got her something for her birthday, everyday you are in that damn desk drawer looking at something. You got her something didn't you." I rolled my eyes and opened the drawer grabbing the box and handing it him. He looked at it and then opened it. "You got her a fucking necklace and charm, a crown or something." he looked up at me. "It a crown a princess crown." I told him. "My point exactly, you got it bad for her. Not that I blame you, she if fucking hot." "Really man." I said to him taking back the box. "sorry,." he said putting his hands up. "If it is killing you this bad, then do something about it." "What exactly should I do." "Ask for forgiveness." he told me. "No, I can't be with her, it's not the plan." "Plan?" "The talk I had with my father the day after the party. He told me to sleep with anyone I want but not get her knocked up, he doesn't want anyone trying to ruin our name. He said I need to focus on school, sports, and the family business." "He said that to you?" "Ya, he also said to drop it with Phoenix and that she was a gold digger." "Dude seriously! Phoenix is nothing like that. That girl has been nothing but nice, especially to Kourtney, she was lost getting into all kinds of bullshit before Phoenix came along, I mean that girl is almost like a sister to me too." "You said she was hot dude," "Shut the fuck up, she is still hot." "More than you know." I said sitting at my desk. 

"I know Phoenix isn't like that and at first it was a game, and I did just want in her pants, but now , I don't know man, I don't do relationships, love is weakness." I said. "Well then buddy you are screwed." he said lighting up a cigarette. "I don't love her." "Ya right, keep saying that bud." I looked away from him. I handed him the box. "Give this to her for me." "Sure bud, whatever you need." "What I love I can't have." he said setting his head in his hands. "Alright bud, I am calling some guys over and we are getting you out of this rut." he said making some phone calls.

Sure enough a group of people came over. The pool was full of my friends and girls who was practically naked. They swarmed around me and yet I wanted nothing to do with them. Sonya walked over to me when I was grabbing a drink. "Hey stranger." she said running her hand down my back. I turned, facing her.. "Hey." "Haven't seen you in awhile." "I have been busy." I told her taking a chug of my drink. She came closer and wrapped her around of me. "I missed you." she said with a smile. "Did you." I said looking at her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close to me. "How bad?' "Bad. I thought you and that girl was a thing." "I don't have things." I told her. "My legs really missed you to." she whispered. "Then we should take care of that." I told her. I set my bottle down and we headed inside. The minute we hit my room she was all over me. I gave her what she wanted.

Sonya got dressed and fixed her face. "Are you coming?" she said fixing her bikini top. "Ya I will be down." I told her. She left. I just laid there. Nothing compared to what I had two weeks ago.