Love What You Can't Have

Feelings.

I kept driving around for like an hour, Drake wasn't complaining though, he was telling some shit with him and Allison. "Do you love her man?" I asked shifting gears. "I guess I do, just haven't said anything to her though." "Has she said it?" "No man, not yet. I think she is waiting for me to say it first." "So why don't you?' "Why don't you?" he asked me. "What the hell you talking about?' "Nothing man, nothing at all." he said putting his hands up. I looked at him, and then quickly back to the road. "Tell me." I pushed. "Nah, I don't my face ripped off." he said lighting a cigarette. "I want to hear it." Drake huffed and then looked at me. "You and Phoenix are a hot couple." "What does that mean exactly." "I don't know, Kourtney references movie stars like Brad and Angelina when they was hot and heavy. They made a hot good looking couple." "Okay she looks good on my arm. That doesn't entail love." I said. "No, she looks good on you because you look good on her. You have changed bro, for the better and she is doing better, more focused more eager to be good enough, I guess you would say." "That makes sense I guess." I shifted gears. 

"You two are always together, you have fun with each other. We have the same friends and all get along. She knows how to party, and she gives you the space when the man needs the space." "So that entitles love." "No, but these are big factors. When you got to sleep at night, who do you think of?' "Her." "When you are watching a movie?" "Her." "When you sleep you is in your dreams?" "Her." "And when you wake up who do you wish is next to you?" "Her." I answered pulling into a parking lot, this was a lot to take in. "That is love. Plus if the sex is fucking awesome I would say that you have the perfect women." "Dude she is amazing in bed. Even with out other experiences, she is flat out...I can't get enough." I told him getting a cigarette. "Well I didn't need to know that, its like hearing Kourtney having sex with your brother." "Sorry but I don't know who else to talk to about this." I was honest with him. "I get it, I was the same way, do you think I enjoyed looking at my dad and talking to him about it. " "I can't even go to him or Dimitri. My dad is forbidding me to be with her. I need to focus on the plan. Yet my mom says that finding a girl who could be the one you could spend the rest of your life with maybe a one time thing." "What is the deal with this plan?' I looked out the window, we was parked at the tattoo shop. "Come on, I want some ink." "You didn't answer me." "Its complicated and it has to do with making sure the company will be long lasting. Love is weakness he says" "Man , love is strong." Drake said getting out of the car. We started walking to the shop. "So do you admit that you love her?" "Ya, I love her." He slapped me on the back and we headed inside.

Sitting in the tattoo chair I felt better telling at least someone how I felt. I knew Drake would help me out and not judge, he knows me better than anyone. The guy started the dragon tattoo I picked out on my stomach and ribs. It hurt, but nothing like it would feel if I lost Phoenix. I was at the moment that she slid down on me, feeling her, all of her with nothing in our way, just skin on skin, that I realized that I loved her. I just don't know how to tell her. Drake was sitting next to me, in the other chair getting himself a tattoo, I guess we are some what gay since they are almost matching tattoo's. Both dragons but different colors and designs. Mine is on my stomach and his on his shoulder blade. He groaned. "Dude quit being  a pussy try getting this shit done on your rib cage." I told him. "Fuck you man, what made you think about doing this anyway?" "Just felt like it. Phoenix is getting one soon and I wanted one so we was going to go together." "Wanted to see if you can deal with the pain before having her see you cry. Ya i get that." Drake said. I just laughed. "Ouch." I said looking at the guy. "Sorry sensitive area." he continued tattooing. 

I messaged Phoenix to see what she was doing. "I am making dinner for my mom. What are you doing." "Getting into trouble." I answered. "What does that mean?' she asked. I took a picture of my my stomach and sent it to her. I seen she seen the picture and was typing. "You did it without me?" "I am here with Drake he is getting one too, it was a last minute decision." "I love it." she responded. "You and I will get one as I promised. I just wanted to see if I was a man enough to get it. I don't want you to see me cry in pain." 'Oh but you would look so cute crying in pain. I am not mad, glad you are having a good time with Drake. Send me pictures when you are done. xoxo." she said. I smiled and continued to get my ink finished. "What did she say?" Drake asked. "She loves it." "Of course she does." My phone went off again. I opened it and it was a picture of her breasts, just the top portion nothing to pornographic which I was a little disappointed. "Think I might get mine on here." she said. "I don't think so, noone is touching those." I sent with a smiley face. She returned the laughing faces. 'Call me later if you can. I have studying to do but I will answer." "I will." I told her and then kept looking at her boobs. I will be saving that picture. 

Few hours later, we was finished and standing out in the parking lot. "I am going to run in the store real quick." I told him. He followed me in. I grabbed some smokes, a drink, and some ointment for my new ink. I also grabbed two boxes of condoms just to be on the safe side. We was heading out when Sonya ran into us. "Hello Hello." she smiled. "Hey." we both said. "What are you guys getting into. Want some company?' she said touching my chest. "NO." I said moving her hand from my chest. She started to get angry. "Still with that little bitch I guess. It is surprising that you havne't thrown her to side yet. I must say, shocking. Especially since you had this." "You aren't what I want.' I told her. Her anger was pouring out of her. "When you do get rid of her you know where to find me." "I won't be getting rid of her anytime soon, so do us a favorite and hold your breath." I said heading back to my car. Drake laughed and followed. "You will fuck this up with her, and when you do, I wont be here to pick your dick up." she yelled. "Thats fine, you wasn't very good anyway." I said getting in my car. "Fuck you Aries." she yelled. "Been there done that, will not repeat." I yelled and sped off. 

"Dude that was fucking great." Drake said lighting up a cigarette. "She is ridiculous. I mean I was honest she wasn't good in bed at all. It was all about her. Do this, touch this. I don't need fucking instructions." "That would be annoying." he said. "Are you going to tell Phoenix about your dad's plan?" he continued. "That is something I need to work out myself, sorry. I have to face him first see if I can reason with him." "I get it." I pulled up to his house. He shock my hand. "Tel her soon man, not prolong it." "I hear you." I said. He closed the door and I headed home. 

It was late by the time I got home. I walked in and headed straight for my room, but I didn't get to far. "Aries. Come here." "Fuck." I said to myself and headed into the livingroom.  He was sitting on the couch reading the paper. "Welcome home Father." I said. "Thank you. It would of been nice though to have dinner with all of my boys." he said taking his glasses off. "My apologize." I told him. "Was you with that girl?" he didn't look at me. "No sir, I was with Drake." I told him. "Are you still seeing that girl?" "Yes sir." "Why?" "I really like her," again I told him the truth. He stood. "Are you dating?" "Yes." He nodded. "Why do you insist on rebelling everything I tell you son. She will ruin you, distract you, trap you. She is not good enough for this family." "She is good enough. Especially for me." "Boy you have a strong family business that you will better in every way." And she will not distract it." I told him. "She already is. You are to distracted that your grades are slipping, your making out with her on the practice field." "Do you have  someone spying on us or something." "Drop her before it is to late. Do I make myself clear." "I will not drop her." "Yes you will or I will make your life difficult." "You already do, why can't you trust that I will do my best, and can still be with her. Let me have this, let me have her." I pleaded. He stood still looking at me. 

"Father I will prove to you that she is good for me." I told him. "I don;t like this, I don't like her." "I want it to end." He said leaving the room. Anger filled my veins. My fist were clenched tight.