Love What You Can't Have

Thanksgiving.

I was walking out of my last class for day. When Gabe ran up to me. "Hey, how are you?" "Hey Gabe, how are you?" He started walking with me. "Good, I want to invite you and your mom over for Thanksgiving dinner." I stopped, he almost fell stopping abruptly. "Why would you want to do that?" "Look I know you and Aries is still, well not together, but you and I are still friends..." "Best Friends." I corrected. "Right!" he smiled largely. "Best Friends and our mom's are like completely inseperable, I want to extend the invite." "Well that is great and all, but this is the first Thanksgiving is just me and my mom, I never seen her for Thanksgiving because of the short time I would have to be here. I always would come at Christmas, so we was just having it with just the two of us." I felt bad, but it was a good try. "Well the offer is still there, if you change your mind." I kissed his cheek. "Thanks, I got to go, I have to get to the studio." I waved. I just smirked. My friends are really great, but so obvious. 

I worked the studio till late. I decided to walk through the cemetery. I started to feel uneasy, when a hand touched me. I quickly turned. "Ow!! Nice punch." "Aries???" "Hey." he said with a groan holding his ribs. "I am so sorry, are you okay?" "Ya, I am fine just kidding. But nice punch." I chuckled lightly and then regained myself. "What the hell are you doing here? I thought you was in Spain or something." "I was, we just got back." "And you came here? Why?" "Because I would always come here." he told me finishing his cigarette. "I haven't seen you here, I walk through here all the time." "I know." he said sitting on a headstone. "You know." I paused. "Have you been following me?" "Just watching over you." "I don't need you to watch over me." "Fine, just pretend I ain't around." I started to walk away. "You miss it too don't you." I turned. "Missed what?" "Me inside you, the love, the passion." "What the hell has gotten into you Aries?" He closed his eyes and moaned. "Say my name again." he said. "You are crazy." I started walking away but he caught up and was in front of me. I stopped. "You love me, but you also love me fucking you. The way I fuck you shows how much I love you, with every single thrust." I swallowed and started backing up. I touched the wall of a crypt.

Every word was speaking the truth, I wanted him to fuck me with every ounce of him he could. I missed his touch and his smell. One last time. I looked up at him. "So what it doesn't change anything. I can't be with you." "You can, but you are being stubborn." "Just give it a chance and I will prove to you how much I love you. I got closer to his face, keeping my strength not just kiss him. I felt his warm breath on his face. "This is exactly why we can't be together." "The world doesn't revolve around you." "No but you do." he said looking right at me. His finger slid down my neck, my breathing started to get heavy. "I will wait for you forever. And since that would be a long time, I just want to prove to you how much you miss me." He lingered on my neck, hardly touching it. I was digging my nails into cement. He skimmed my neck again, just the tip of his nose touching, I was going insane. "I would come into your room, so I could kiss your scars. To kiss our baby wings." I shivered. Tears started wailing up. "I love you with ever fiber of my being and I will work hard to get you back." He looked me in the eye. His hands on my hip, his thumb finding the tattoo and making swirls. I closed my eyes with tears falling. It is the first time I felt his hands there. 

I didn't push him away. Instead I grabbed his shirt and pressed my lips against his. Our kiss was deep, eager, and so much passion filled our lips. I missed him more than he knew. I missed it all but this more than anything. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He lifted my legs around his waist. We continued to kiss like that for what feels like a lifetime. He sat me to the ground. I pushed him away from me. Our breathing heavy. He came back and kissed me again.  Holding my face in his hands, he deepen the kiss. I pushed him back again. "We can't be doing this." I told him. "It feels to good not to." "You are right." I ripped his white dress shirt open and our clothes started getting taken off. He lifted me again and thrusted inside me all at once. Our moans were so loud, that I opened my eyes, and sat up in bed. 

It was a fucking dream. I ran my fingers through my hair. My heart was raising, I was sweating. I got up and opened the balcony door. The cool November air, hit me and I started to cool down. What the hell is wrong with me?  I grabbed a cigarette and headed onto the balcony wrapping a blanket around my shoulders. For the past few weeks, I have been having these dreams. Why am I having these dreams. Why can't my body stop feeling the urges. Is this how he feels about me to? The constant want of physical contact? Should I date someone and sleep with them and see how that makes me feel? I groaned with frustration. My mind shouldn't be doing this right now, I need to focus on my routine for next week. I looked over to his window. It was dark, no movement. Of course, he is sleeping its 4a.m. I tossed my cigarette and headed inside. I needed to get back to sleep hopefully with him not in my dreams.

My eyes didn't wake up till almost 10am. I groaned, rubbing my eyes. I sat up in bed, my hair sprawled around me. I feel hung over. A tap on my door. "Yeah." I said. "Hey sleepy head." my mom said handing me a cup of coffee. "Thanks." I took a sip. "Are you just getting home?" "Yeah, they made me stay again. I am exhausted." she sat on the edge of my bed. "What time are we going to Michelle's?" I asked. My mom went to Michelle's last year and we decided to go there again since she had to work. I didn't mind, I got to spend time with her, Kourtney and get great food. Kourtney's dad cooked really good food, we told him he missed his calling. "How are you kiddo." I put my cup on the night stand. "I didn't sleep very well last night." My mom touched my face. "Another dream?" I nodded and then crawled out of bed. "I am so messed up. I push him away because I think he just loves the sex and not me in general and now all I do is have dreams of him having sex with me. How messed is that?" "All that is just showing you your connection is strong." I looked at her, heading into my closet. "I just don't know anymore. I need to keep my focus on the performance not getting laid." I said pulling out some outfits for dinner. 

"Maybe you should go see him. He is home, they got back yesterday." my mom said. I put my hand on my hip. "Seriously, what is that going to do." "Calm down your hormones hopefully." "MOM!!!" "Hey I love that you feel great to talk to me about this stuff, but seriously, you are just all over the place with this, and I get it I do, but.... goodbye sex is just as good." I threw a shirt at her. She laughed. "Get out, go get some sleep." I laughed at her. 

We got to Michelle's at one. I wore a white top that wore tight. I grabbed a long skirt that was flowed yet wrapped around me. I grabbed a pair of red heels that gave it some color. My hair was messy and strands fell loose. We came inside and Kourtney hugged me tight. "You look great." My mom wore a nice green sweater and a nice skirt to match. "You too, I love this, might have to borrow it." She was an orange dress that was long but clung to her body nicely, she put a white cardigan with it and strappy heels. "I might let you." she fixed her long brown hair. "Hey Drake." I said. He was sitting on the couch. White shirt and khaki pants. "Hey Nix's." he said. "I am gonna borrow that outfit, is it one of the new ones." "Yes, it is so comfortable." I said sitting down. "Hello my dear friend." Michelle said, hugging my mom. Her hair was pinned back and her long printed dress, wore nicely on her. "I hope you don't mind, Colin's sister is coming for dinner. Her husband got deployed, she has a son that is John's age, and just had a new baby, we didn't want her to eat alone." "Of course not, I seen her last year." Rose said. "Her baby is so beautiful, her name is Willow." "Different, so pretty." 

"Drake take our picture please." Kourtney handed him her phone. "I will use my phone, I don't like yours." He said. The doorbell rang and Michelle grabbed it. "Drake come help your Aunt please." "Sure mom, hey little man how you doing." he said, as an adorable dark haired little guy came running in. Drake scooped him up and grabbed a few bags. I turned and we was introduced. "May I hold her?' After a few moments of them being here. "Sure, she is sleeping so she won't get upset. She gets fussy over the littlest of things." "Already starting." Michelle said. I took the little peanut in my arms. She was so tiny and soft. Her smell was intoxicating. My mom, Kourtney and Drake took pictures. I didn't even care. I was absorbed by this little person.

"Dinner is ready." Colin called. I handed her the baby and went to take our seats.