Love What You Can't Have

Life Goes On

I started back to school on Monday. I was welcomed with open arms, hugs and smiles. I put all my time and effort into my school work and focused on getting back into shape for my competition in a few months. The doctor said I was healing well and that I should be good to go for practice in a few more days. It was great seeing Gabe. I didn't not want to punish him for being Aries brother. He was respectable and never mentioned him around me. 

I started working with the Little Tumblers, at the studio to make some money, I wanted a car and start putting money back for school. I was gone from morning till night and the months went by quickly. It was two weeks before Thanksgiving and 3 weeks before competition. I missing Aries so much. We was on our last week of school before Thanksgiving break, I need that time to focus on my routine. My mom, Michelle and Arti became even closer and was always hanging out. Sitting in our backyard, or at Michelle's or by the pool at the mansion. I would hear some of their conversations. Drake and Allison broke up because she cheated on him and was upset about his tattoos, he was taking it hard, and Aries stuck by his side. Kourtney and Gabe went to a formal dance and they were the talk of the dance, because they couldn't keep their hands off each other. I just giggled. I sat on the floor in the doorway to the balcony smoking when Arti discussed Aries. "He is still miserable but pushing himself to finish strong. He is going with his father, who is back home now, and they are going to see the office in Spain. I think it will do him good to get away. He misses Phoenix so much. He hasn't been right since." I felt bad, honestly I did. "He did love her didn't he." "Oh god yes, and still does. He got a Phoenix tattooed on his back. Red and firery It is quiet impressive. He is addicted to getting tattoos. I guess I should be thankful. He just needs to feel a different kind of pain." she smiled. 

I headed downstairs. I had a pair of capri sweat pants that were tight against my body and hung low off my hips. I had a small and short tank top on and my hair thrown up in a bun. I came out and said hello to them. "Hi." I smiled trying to stay strong. It was hard seeing Arti, she has always been wonderful to me. "OH my sweet girl, you are so beautiful." she said, getting up and hugging me tight. "I have missed your beauty." she said not letting go. "Merci'" "Oh, I love it." she smiled letting me go." I went over and hugged Michelle. "Hi darling." "Mom, could I use your Jeep, I would like to go shopping with Kourtney if I could. I have to go to the bank to." "No hug for me, just mom can I use your Jeep." she smirked. I rolled my eyes and hugged her. "Yes, you may the keys are in my purse." "Thank you." "Is that what you are wearing to go shopping?" "No I am going to change, I just wanted to make sure I could use the Jeep before I did." I kissed her cheeks and told them bye and ran upstairs to change. 

"She looks good." Arti said with a sadness. "Looks can be deceiving. She is hiding it very well." Rose said with worry on her face. "Aries is the same way. He is never home, and then when he is, he just sits there. It is so heartbreaking. They are so stubborn." "They are scared, they might not want anything like this to happen again." "I don't think so, Aries had matured so much because of Phoenix, he is waiting for her." "I think she is waiting for him." "Her routine is all about Aries, the way she moves, the lyrics to the song, its strong, very strong." "So we should make sure he sees it, make sure she sees it." "That is way to hard." "No, not at all. This isn't just about sex, with these two its about love, unconditional love, and I am sorry but I never got that chance for myself." "Neither have I, I thought I did, but I haven't." "Rose said. "I think it was for me, but not so much for.." "Oh please you guys have to greatest marriage." Rose interrupted Michelle. "You think so." "Yes." "Alright so what do we do." "The event after the performances." Arti said. "The black and white ball?" "Yes, let the magic of that night work itself out, and if not we will just happen to be there to help it along." Arti smiled. They all smiled. "Did you get her dress yet?' "Yes, come i will show you."

Arti told Rose she will pick something a little more fitting for this special night, she wanted to do it and wasn't taking no for an answer. Rose let her have her way. The Plan was in motion.

"You really should of got that skirt, it looked great on you." I told Kourtney. "I don't know, I think it looks better on the shelf. You look great today by the way." I don't see how I was only wearing jeans and a rock and roll T-shirt with tennis shoes. My makeup was barley done and my hair was in a messy bun. "I look like a homeless person." I told her. "You look comfortable." she smiled. "I just wanted to relax." "You seem better?" I pointed over to the coffee shop. "I am ok. It is still shocking it happen and sad the way it ended, but it wasn't meant to be." We got in line. "Are you talking about the baby or Aries?" I looked at her. "Next." the clerk called. We placed our orders and paid then took a seat at the outside table. I grabbed my smokes and set my bags down. "So what or who was you talking about?" "I was talking about the baby." Kimberly nodded lighting a cigarette. "So how are you dealing without Aries." "I miss him a lot, but I have to get my shit in order, my mind is on Julliard. " "Why can't you have it all? Did you forgive him?" 

I just sat there my back against the chair.  "I guess I did. He made some good points and I can't blame him for sleeping with Sonya, I mean we wasn't together. The things with his parents and brother, I am glad they have changed for the better, and I appreciate Jarvis has done since then but I just can't get past everything he said." "I don't see why not, he has completely accepts you now, and knows he did wrong." "You have to say that, you are dating his son." "Yes, but I have been there alot to, I have seen a difference in him, especially with Aries. They made up and hugged it out." "Good, I am glad." I sipped my coffee. "Are you punishing him for his plan?" "No, I think Aries and I have been punished enough. Aries needs to figure out if he actually loves me or he just loved the sex." I told her honestly. "Again what is the difference?" "You don't have to love someone, to have great sex. It is all we did. We couldn't keep our hands off each other. I dont want to have a relationship based on great sex. I want it all. Is that wrong?" I wiped my tears. "No Nix's, its not wrong at all." she smiled. "If it is meant to be then Aries and I will find each other again." 

"I hope sooner than later because you both being not together is driving me and Gabe insane." she said grabbing the cigarette pack. I started laughing , it felt good to laugh. After our coffee shop talk we continued walking down the road. I stopped. "What are you doing?"  Kimberly stopped. "I wanna see about getting my belly button done again. "Sweet lets go." We headed inside. "Hello ladies, how can I help you today?" "I need my belly button redone." I told him. "Okay just pick a piece you want, and have your I.D. ready, I will set up." he walked away. I looked at he jewelry and found a nice one. He got it out and took my I.D. I signed some paperwork and went to the chair. He quickly redid my piercing and handed me my paperwork. "Thank you." I said. "No problem." I stood and fixed my pants to go lower than my belly button, hard to do with the ass I got but I managed. I pulled my t-shirt up so it didn't rub. Kourtney was looking a pictures of tattoos. "I would love this one, wow really nice work." I walked over and looked. I instantly recognized one of the Tattoo's. "Look that is Aries's." "How do you know?" "I think I would know his tattoo on his stomach." I looked at her. "OH yeah, of course." she blushed. "OH yeah, that is a cool guy. He got this one done a few months ago." He turned the page and showed a complete arm sleeve. I looked at his wrist and saw the angel wings on his wrist. I chuckled and held back tears. "Could you tattoo these wings on me?" I asked the guy. "Sure, no problem. I will set up." he said. 

"Are you serious right now?" "Um, yes." I said. "I am ready." The artist called. I walked over. "Where we getting it." I unzipped my pants to show my two scars. "In between these two scars." "Okay, lay back." "Phoenix are you sure?" "Yes." Kourtney looked at other pictures and noticed the phoenix tattoo on Aries back. She recognized him since he was in a mirror. She took the book over and showed her. "He got that too?" "Oh yeah, I did that like 2 weeks ago. It was a great piece, said it was for his girlfriend. Her name is Phoenix, which is a really cool name." "Thank you." I said. "Wait your the Phoenix?" "Yep." I said. "That is fucking awesome. This is on the house, he has made me rich. He is a good guy." "Yeah he is." The tattoo gun started. The pain was a nice kind of pain, a different type of pain. I get why he kept getting more tattoos. 

The tattoo was perfect. It felt good, and I started to feel better. I was time to move on, and have life go on. Things happen for a reason. We shopped more and I spent more. I wanted some new outfits for school and I had to find some shoes. "I want to find a nice pair of heels for the dress my mom got me for the black and white ball." Kimberly said. "Is your mom coming?" "Oh yes, the united front will be there to cheer you on." she said. I nodded. "We are all sitting together. Your mom and Gabe's family will be there." she continued picking up a pair of white heels. I froze. I figured they would be there, but that also means so will Aries. I took a deep breath. Life goes off, I had to run into eventually.