Love What You Can't Have

The next 2 days were a blur. I focused on my routines. The fire that burned inside me was still ignited from my fight with Aries. I was making excuses, but these excuses were my fear as well. I finished my fitting for my costume for the performance. I headed out after that and laid in the tanning bed, my little bruises fading away, from our night together. It was a good night, from what I could remember. I was heading home when my phone rang. It was Arti Diamandis. "Hello Arti." "Hello dear, I just wanted to let you know your dress arrived. I could have Aries bring it over." "Um, I can come get it." I said. "That would be wonderful. When can I expect you?" "I am heading home now. I should be there shortly. Is Aries there?" "No dear he is at practice still till about 5." "Oh, ok I will see you soon." "Wonderful." she hung up. I quickly ran to the house, I wanted to make sure I didn't run into him. 

I rang the doorbell. Laurie opened the door. "Hello Phoenix. Right this way." "Thanks Laurie." I stepped into the formal livingroom. "Hello beautiful." she said holding her arms out. I went to her giving her a hug. I held her a little longer. "Oh sweet girl." she returned the gesture. She pushed me back lightly. "What is it dear?" "Nothing, just thank you for all that you have done for me, I will miss you." "Are you leaving or moving back to Paris?" "I am once school is over till I leave for school." I told her. "Just make sure you let me know about performances, I will be to every single one of them with your mom cheering you on. You haven't lost me kid." "What are you going to do once Aries gets another girlfriend? He could meet someone at school." "Sit down." she said. I listened. "Laurie grab two glasses of wine please." "Aries won't be getting another girlfriend, he already has one." "We aren't together." "You will be. You have changed him. He loves you more than you know." "I am scared." I said taking the wine from Laurie. "I can understand that, but love has it risks." she sipped her wine. "What if he finds someone better. It would break me." I looked down. "It won't happen." "We are so young but I don't care he is my world." I wiped my tears. "We haven't even been together that long." 

"When its right its right. And if the sex is fantastic, then honey you have it all." she smiled. I laughed. We talked some more and then I grabbed my dress and left. 

Aries came downstairs just when she left. He froze on the step. Arti came walking past. He took a deep breath and continued down the stairs. "What was she doing here?" "Picking up her dress." Arti said grabbing the messages on the table. "I just wanted to let you know I won't be going to her performance tomorrow night." "Oh yes, you are. We are going as a family, and to support my friends daughter, who I happen to adore." "You know we are done right." "Are you?' "Oh yeah she made that perfectly clear." "Aries did you ever think she is afraid to lose you?" "She said something like that. It was just an excuse." "No it's not." "Really?" " She is scared you will find someone better. She comes from a family that works hard for what they have. They have budgets and work many hours for little money. You don't have to work hard, everything came easy for you. She is scared because she had a baby taken away once, and doesn't want that to happen again. She is worried that if she loses you she would be lost. You have to understand these things Aries. She is young, she is not from wealth, she wants marriage and children but she is young. These things are running through her brain. She wants it all, and she is not sure if you do." "I do want that. I want to marry her, I want babies with her. I want to sit on my porch holding her fucking hand watching the birds." He said.

Arti smiled. "Then tell her that." she kissed her son's cheek. "Mom?" "Yes dear." "Will you help me?" he asked. "Of course." she smiled and grabbed her keys.

I hung my dress and unzipped it. Miss Selena changed the dress alot. I was a two pieced. A white beaded tip with a satin skirt, with a long slit. I decided I would red jewelry to accent it. With a pair of red strap heels. It was stunning. I zipped it up and heard my mom pull in. I changed into jeans and a sweater and slipped on tennis shoes. We was going to have dinner with Kourtney and her family and was meeting them at the restaurant. I quickly pulled my hair into a ponytail. "Phoenix I will be ready in 15 minutes." she called. I went to the balcony with my makeup kit and lit a cigarette, finishing my makeup. It was chilly out so I grabbed a light jacket after I was done and ran downstairs. 

The dinner was great. I ate more than what I should. Kourtney wanted to stay but I needed to be by myself tonight. We got home and headed into the kitchen. "How about some wine." "Just a glass." "Of course, you are lucky I even let you have some." "That is why you are the coolest mom ever." I teased her. She put the leftovers away and then grabbed the bottle pouring two glasses. She set a glass in front of me and took a seat sipping hers. "How have you been?' she asked. "You talked to Arti didn't you." "Maybe, she loves you but what the two of you talked about today she went over it with me." I nodded. "Do you think me and Aries are to young to start thinking about marriage?' "I think you are old enough to figure that out. I just want you to be careful." "Seriously mom." "You are not your average 18 year old. You was always more mature for your age." "Ya, I guess." "If you feel that Aries is who you want to spend your life with, then go for it." "We haven't even been dating that long." "Ya but you two had more things happen to you in this short time, that girls haven't got yet. The two of you were made for each other. He matured and found his true love without even looking for it." "I didn't plan for this to happen, I wanted to focus on dance." "And you are. You are not failing in any way here. If you want the honest truth, I see you and Aries accomplishing everything you two want in life, and succeed." 

"I think I will see if Kourtney can come over." I told my mom and then texted Kourtney. "I think that is a great idea. I am sorry I am such a downer, I am exhausted and its only 9pm." she said. "Its fine, I understand." "You always do kid." she kissed my head. "I am taking a shower and heading to bed." "I will I promise." I told her getting Kourtney's message, she was gonna be here in 20 minutes. I went upstairs and changed into leggings and a long sleeve shirt. I went back downstairs and into the back yard. I turned the lights on and put pandora on. I started to do stretches and a few bends and twists. Kourtney eventually got there and joined me in the backyard. I was doing a handstand, my legs stretching, and I twisted my body. "You are a magician." she said. I continued to do my stance. I slowly rolled my body and stretched my legs the other way. "I could watch you all day." "How about all night?" "Or that." 

"Gabe wasn't to upset." I said sitting down, stretching my arms. "He can have a break." she shrugged. "Do that thing again. I want to record you." I rolled my eyes and started again. "This girl is awesome!!" she recorded. I stood and went into a back bend then brought my legs up and stood there upside down, then bent my legs again. I went to my feet and started some dancing and then did a flip and brought my leg up to my face. Slow and elegant. I went into a back bend again, ending with a split. She pressed stop and put her phone down. "You are going to be great." she commented. I smiled at her. We headed inside shortly after since it was getting colder out. I opened the the balcony doors and put on a sweatshirt. I smoked a cigarette. Kourtney mostly talked about dancing and heading to Paris again. She didn't mention Aries and I was thankful. I fell asleep before she did. 

Aries: I watched her bend and stretch. My mom helped me with a few things that I had to take care of. I was told I had to go, and I will. I will also fix this. I want Phoenix and only her. I didn't understand of what she said because I am not use to these type of things. When my mom explained it to me it made alot more sense. I will make it a goal of mine, to show her I will marry her one day, and we can live happily ever after.