Love What You Can't Have

Sleeping Beauty.

1:45a.m.

A groaned came from Phoenix and a movement from her hand. Rose and Fred who was asleep next to her, holding her hand sat up waking up quickly. "Nix's" Rose said. "Phoenix." Fred spoke. Phoenix squeezed Rose's hand, it was weak but she was waking up. She turned her head. "Mom?" she whispered. "Oh it my girl!!"  Rose cried. Fred sighed with relief. "Dad?" Phoenix spoke again. "Hey kiddo." "What's going on?" she squeezed her eyes and open them slowly. "Hey sweety." Rose cried. "I am going to get the doctor." Fred kissing her hand and leaving the room. 

Phoenix was moved to a private room with no other patients, Jarvis not only paid her bills but donated a large sum to the hospital. He paid nurses salary, and Doctor salaries to be there 24 hours a day till she was discharged. "What happen?" she said trying to sit up. "Just lay down honey you have been through a lot." Rose said laying her back down. "Why am I here?" "The doctor is coming in and we can discuss everything." "Just tell me mom." The doctor rushed with two nurses. "Hello Miss Phoenix, we have been waiting for you to wake up." The doctor said grabbing her chart. "What the hell is going on." she tried to get up, the doctor laid her back and lifted her slightly. "Phoenix you came in a little over 24 hours ago. You fainted and never regain consciousness." he told her. "How? Why? What is wrong with me? " The doctor looked at her parents and then looked at Phoenix. "You had an Ectopic Pregnancy." "I am pregnant?" she said touching her stomach, she winced. "What the hell." "You had to have emergency surgery because the baby was on the outside of the Fallopian tube. It is very common." Tears started falling. "Wait I used protection, I am on birth control, and condoms. We was careful." "It could happen regardless, it is rare, but it does happen." "So  I lost the baby?" "Yes dear, you also lot of blood, the fetus was dying and your body was trying to protect it and depleted you." "Oh my god!!" She cried. Rose hugged her tight while she cried. 

"I am sorry for your loss." The Doctor said leaving the room. Phoenix continued to sob loudly. "I am so sorry baby." Rose smoothed her hair. "I am so sorry, mom I am sorry I disappointed you, I was careful I promise, I am so sorry." she sobbed and sobbed. " Phoenix, you did nothing. Shhh, it is okay." "I lost my baby." she whaled. "I know, I know." she rocked her gently. "Do you want me to call Aries?" "OH my god, Aries? He knows?" Phoenix looked at her mother. "Yes, Kourtney called him you fainted at her house, and she thought she was doing the right thing. A lot has shifted since this happen. Aries is going crazy." "Good." she cried. "Honey, he is hurting just like you." "I don't want to see him, his family caused this." "No, this was going to happen, Ectopic pregnancies are life threating to you. Stress, dancing, just helped it along." "But it was still a baby." she cried. "It was honey, it was." The nurse came in and checked her vitals, Phoenix sat there looking at her stomach, her empty belly, and tears kept falling. "I don't want to see him right now." she said again. Rose nodded. She stepped out with Fred while they examined her.

Rose stepped into the hallway. Her tears fell heavy. Her daughter was awake, her daughter was pregnant, her daughter lost her baby, her daughter is hurting, her daughter is broken. Still she grabbed her phone. "Aries, she is awake, her eyes are open, she is talking. Sadly she does not want to see you right now, please respect that, she needs time. She isn't taking things well right now. Thank you for everything, text me anytime. -Rose" Fred came over and hugged her tight. "This is going to be rough for you." he whispered. "She needs us more than ever right now." "You mostly." "Aries should be here, they need to grieve together." "Just respect her wishes. Fred said. 

Phoenix: I lifted my hospital gown. I touched my stomach. I had 2 small incisions. Two incisions where my baby was taken out. Aries baby. Tears dropped on my stomach. I could not see him right now. I need to be away from him. Yes we are way to young to have a baby, but once you had one inside you whether it was outside the tube or inside the tube, there was still a baby. Aries's baby. The man who was my hold world gave me a wonderful gift, but all this baby would of done was cause more issues with his family. The Plan went wrong. He fell in love with me, at least he thinks he did. I was a plan. I am not good enough. He would lose his family because of me. I sobbed. 

He slept with Sonya, we weren't together but that wasn't the point. It was her in general. They took my belly button ring out. My head was sore where I guess I hit my head when I fainted. To many scars in one day. I lost everything because of that family. I lost my sense of mentality, my virginity, my dignity, my respect, the love of my life, and now my baby. I was done. I needed to get out of here. I need to go home,  but my strength hasn't returned yet. Mom and dad came back in, I pulled the gown back down. "Hey kiddo, they are going to bring you something light to eat." "I am not hungry." I told them crossing my arms. "Phoenix." "Stop!! I don't want to eat, I don't want anything, but home. I want to go home."  I told them. "Okay babe, mom will go talk to the doctor, we will see what we can do. " Fred said placing his hand on her head. She moved away from him. He looked at Rose. She waved her hand down and went to the doctor. Fred poured a glass of water and set in front of her. She sipped it. He sat down next to her. 

"It is good to see you." he said. "Sorry about the circumstance. I guess your disappointed in me." I looked at him. "I was, but your mom told me everything and I can relate." "Relate?' "I was just like Aries. Slept with anyone who I thought I could get. Luckily once he got with you, it ended. It didn't end with me till I met Fran. Way past the amount of time I wanted to last. He was searching for the one, and he didn't even know it." "I can't see him right now." "I know and you will know when you are ready." he told me. "He really hurt me this time." "And he has been punished. He lost too." "Just another reason why is dad and brother hate me. I am trying to trap him as well as take his money and power." "Your mom said alot has changed now. I guess Aries stepped up." "But I was a plan," I looked at him. He kissed my forehead. "You two will have to talk to each other sooner rather than later. When you are ready." "I just want to go home." I told him. 

Once the morning came I was very ready to get out of this bed. My legs were sore from laying so long, but I started moving them around. I looked around at all the flowers, cards, and balloons. It was like a garden in here. The nurse came in bringing me some breakfast. "You look great today." she smiled. "Thanks." I said reading the cards. "Your boyfriend always brings beautiful flowers." she said. I touched the petals of the many roses. "Ya." "Is there anything else I can get you." "No, Thank you." I went to the window and sat down.  My stomach felt so empty. I haven't eaten, I haven't had nothing in three days. I didn't care. I needed out of this place. 

My mom and dad came in. "You have some visitors." Fred said. "Who?" "Kourtney, she ran right over still in her pajamas." Rose said fixing up my bed. "I don't want to see her." Rose looked at her. I didn't look back just continued to stare out the window. "Phoenix?' "No!! I don't want to see anyone right now." I yelled. Rose left the room. 

"Kourtney she doesn't want to see anyone right now." "Not even me?" "She doesn't want us here." Rose said. "Stop by later, she might change her mind. We are getting her home today, she might be better at home." Kourtney put her head down. "Tell her I love her." Kourtney said leaving. Rose sighed and went back into her room. "Phoenix, I can only imagine what is going on in that head of yours, but pushing people away won't help you heal."  My eyes went straight to my mother. "How the hell do you know what is going on with me, or how I feel, or what is best for me?" I stood slowly. "I was stupid, immature, and completely insane falling for some rich guy or only planned to get into my pants!! Who doesn't love me just loves to fuck me and destroy me!!!" The tears fall hard. "I don't need people to sit there an judge me, or talk behind my back. I don't need remind how fucking stupid I am all I need is..." I started breathing heavy. I grabbed a vase of flowers and threw them acrossed the room, glass, flowers and water shattered everywhere. I screamed. Rose ran over and grabbed Phoenix up and held her tight. "I just want everything to go back to the way it was." I sobbed.