Vᵘˡⁿᵉʳᵃᵇⁱˡⁱᵗʸ

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"It takes courage to live through suffering; and it take honesty to observe it"
- C.S. Lewis


✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵☾⭒☽✵



I feel strong hands grip my shoulders softly shaking me

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I feel strong hands grip my shoulders softly shaking me.

"Come on, baby, please wake up" I can hear someone plead through the fog of my mind

"Hmmmm" I hum groggily

"Thank the Mother. Can you open your eyes for me Nikola. Please?" Azriel begs

I crack one eye then the other open. It is still dark outside. The sun is not even gracing us with her presence yet. Az leans over me one hand still on my shoulder the other resting against my cheek.

"Az what's wrong?" I ask my voice hoarse

"You were having some sort of nightmare then you started crying and you were shaking. I tried to get to you but you had some sort of barrier up." He explains. His eyes were wild with unspoken emotion.

"Fuck I am so sorry. It's been awhile since that happened. I didn't hurt you did I?"

My eyes take stock of him checking for any sort of injury.

"No, not at all. I'm fine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I think. My mind gets a bit too busy sometimes and when that happens my abilities can go a little haywire."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not tonight. Just hold me?" I ask

"I'll never stop" he replies earnestly

He brings me to his chest rubbing soft circles into my neck with the pad of his thumb. I drift off to sleep once again listening to the steady thrum of his heart.

Azriel is still fast asleep when I wake hours later. The sun is shining between the cracks in the curtains. He lays on his back at some point in the night pulling me to lay across him. His defined arms band around me.

In the throes of slumber his already devastating features soften. The ever present crease between his brows disappeared. The ghost of a smile pulls at his soft full lips. How is it fair that he is even more handsome when he sleeps?

I carefully extricate myself from his embrace. Dealing with the early morning tasks I brush my teeth and try to tame my sleep messed hair.  I look at myself in the mirror trying to decide if being honest with him is really the best course of action. Maybe this weird tentative peace will shatter once he hears the full explanation. Maybe it won't change a thing. But which is worse?

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