I have a confession to make:
I fell out of routine and binged again.
Don't worry, I'm already regretting it. My stomach feels like it's about to explode and my body feels so restless. However, I'm glad I gave myself a full eight hours instead of five. Patrick is supposed to give me another driving lesson, help me research universities, and help me practice for the ACT.
Now all I have to do is reset myself and figure out a way to be consistent.
So lately, I've been noticing a plateau in my subscriber count.
I know that one of the best ways to benefit from the YouTube algorithm is to increase this count, watch hours, and frequency of uploads, but frankly, I just don't have the time to upload every day.
NO!
It's the summertime, and I should take advantage of it. It'll benefit my training into being a much faster, productive, well-rounded individual.
I'm going to watch how my favourite YouTubers who upload every day are able to do it, but I'll take it with a grain of salt. They're not also full-time high school, drama club, and dance team students
I think today's Daily Dose of Happiness will help me with this.
(If I do decide to upload every day, I'll have to work and school when Ana and Patrick are working.)
Daily Dose of Happiness
"The secret of life is to have a task, something you devote your entire life to, something you bring everything to, every minute of the day for your whole life. And the most important thing is--it must be something you cannot possibly do!" -Henry Moore
My impossible task: Being able to upload YouTube videos every single day, while being a full-time high school student, dancer, and film director.
What I brought to it today: Revamping my channel.
Another thing I may add to this bringing of impossible tasks: I was able to get out of a family holiday. Before I go into how I need to backtrack to last week. Ana had reserved holiday time in July just in case things returned back to normal and we would be able to travel again. Patrick had not seen his parents in years, so he forced us to come along with him so his parents could "see the grandkids." Honestly, I find it to be complete bullshit. They hate us because we "take Patrick away" from them. Here's the thing: He's the oldest of the family and has a family, their two sons. (Patricks two brothers) don't. Your kids have aged and moved on. Mary and Stuart (Patrick's parents) need to do the same. However, as we both know, I'm just in the shadows. I never receive any attention, and when I do, it's always negative. Mary called me rude when I told her I didn't like the food WHEN SHE ASKED FOR MY HONEST OPINION! If only the grandparents on Ana's side were still alive. I don't like Ana's side either, but at least they're tolerable. Anyways, of course, I begged and pleaded not to go, but at the same time, Ana gave me the look of "follow the rules or there will be consequences", so I had to agree. After all, it was the only way Patrick would pay for her ticket. He's always paid for her ticket in the past, so why is he all of a sudden doesn't want to is beyond me. Ana gave an ultimatum that if Patrick didn't pay for her ticket, she wouldn't let Brandon and me go. Eventually, Patrick gave in. My dumbass decided that instead of fighting Patrick into not going, I would give him the deal of buying me the all-new Apple iPad Pro with Wifi + Cellular, the Apple Pencil, the Magic Keyboard, a Paperlike screen protector, and a LifeProof case. All to which...he surprisingly agreed to.
I never got it. Patrick is never true to his word, so if he tells you that he'll do something for or give something to you, the best thing to do is to get or do it yourself.
I kept bothering Ana and Patrick about me not wanting to go. Obviously, Ana got a headache BECAUSE OF ME. However, after some digging, she hadn't received much sleep last night due to Angelina and Ameriah nagging her about secretly buying Bryan a father's day present.
But of course, since they're perfect little angels, and I'm a nuisance, it's my fault.
Ana got mad at me first, and she played the Uno reverse card nagging me about the reasons why I don't want to go, even though I knew that fighting back with her, would result in more verbal abuse.
Sometimes, it pays to keep quiet in this family.
Ana told me that she knew the exact reason why I was so "depressed"...It was because my "boyfriend" had "broken up" with me and I was quite "heartbroken."
First of all, Ana knows me better than to show signs of me being in a relationship with someone. (Yes, I've secretly dated someone before, but that's a different story for a different day. Long story short: Ana never suspected anything.)
I'm just a kid. After all, what boy would love me?
Ana did say my body and personality "isn't what men want."
Fuck what men want. I'm a human, not a sex toy.
Anyways, Ana went off about how I was doing so well bowing down to and obeying her every command before I now began "misbehaving" again. (Btw, misbehaving=not doing what Ana and Patrick tell you and/or making them feel proud of you).
Apparently, I was "disobedient" my whole life.
Ana stated that she would be taking this issue up with my therapist, who has been trained to not expose ANY of my secrets whatsoever. She'll probably be thrown the "Oh, it's just ACT stress" or something else to make me appear like I'm meeting Ana's expectations in front of her. Definitely not hiding my true self.
Later, Ana was able to reason with me and told me exactly what to say to Patrick, as well as work out an alternate plan in case Patrick didn't cancel my plane ticket and hotel reservation.
I did everything Ana told me.
I was polite, gave valid reasons for my air insomnia (I cannot sleep on planes, even if my life depended on it) and how having to take the ACT three hours after our plane landed back at home would prove to be unfavourable, and he listened.
I was absolutely SHOCKED. Patrick never listens to me and he went through with my plan.
Anyways, tomorrow, I'm going to "explain" to Ana what I was able to convince Patrick and I will be OFFICIALLY NOT GOING on the holiday.
I told Ana the good news behind closed doors (Ana and I pretended that she wasn't involved, BTW.), and she thinks that my displeasure in travel is a result of me being "depressed" again.
Even if it were, would she care? HELL to the NO.
After all, she can't be surrounded by my constant negativity because it ruins her life and mindset.
Oh, don't worry, honey, I've already ruined multiple people's lives by just existing. This is just child's play.
Anyways, 9-16 July is going to be...
THE. GREATEST. WEEK. EVER.
When you want something in this family, GO AFTER IT. Don't be afraid to fight, however, must one have a strategy to do so.
If you push all of the buttons in an elevator in a random combination at once, the elevator will act all crazy, in this case, Ana will verbally abuse you.
However, if you program the elevator to do a certain function with a sequence of buttons, everything will turn out okay. This is the secret to getting what you want in this family.
Strategically push the buttons.
