I'm disgusting.
I'm surprised Ana even allows me to eat a full sandwich and not starve me like at the beginning of quarantine.
I make progress, but then my emotional well-being and period have to ruin it all.
All I want is to get the flat stomach I had.
I was such a motivated kid in the summer of 2015 and 2018.
What happened? Crippling depression?
Why does my mental health have to get in the way of everything?
I ate so badly this weekend, that I'm too embarrassed to even talk about it.
Pizza, chocolate doughnuts, and ice cream on Friday, McDonald's on Saturday, and Chocolate cake, chips, and chicken fingers today.
I'm destroying everything I've worked for. Even though it felt good to indulge a little at first, my body has now shut down.
That's what you get for breaking routine.
The reason why I don't even want to go out or take holidays has nothing to do with depression...
It's the fact that other people will see my fat and ugly ass self.
You can't do anything with a fat stomach.
All it leads to is body shaming.
In this family, it's thin or you're out on a whim.
I don't like the feeling of about to give birth.
My poor system.
Why do I do this to myself?
The chocolate cake isn't even good anymore,
Food isn't worth eating anymore.
I don't even see a point in trying.
Ab workouts are too hard to do now.
Nothing motivates me anymore.
I don't have a crush, so there's no looking good for him or her.
I don't have friends, so there's no proving my coolness.
My family members are always forcing me to indulge constantly, so there's no fear of being body shamed.
There's no doctor telling me I'm overweight and that I need to do something about it before I end up on My 600 Pound Life.
I want to look good for myself, and to regain my happiness, but...I don't know how anymore.
Daily Dose of Happiness
"I shall take the heart...for brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world." -L. Frank Baum
How using my heart made me happy:
I listened to my body when it had a panic attack during my ACT class. Since I couldn't focus, I left the class early and rescheduled it for tomorrow.
